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"Listen, Paula. I am going to tell you a story so that when you wake upyou will not feel so lost." So says Chilean writer Isabel Allende (The Houseof the Spirits) in the opening lines of the luminous, heart-rending memoir shewrote while her 28-year-old daughter Paula lay in a coma. In its pages, she ushers anassortment of outrageous relatives into the light: her stepfather, an amiable liar andtireless debater; grandmother Meme, blessed with second sight; and delinquent uncleswho exultantly torment Allende and her brothers. Irony and marvelous flights of fantasymix with the icy reality of Paula's deathly illness as Allende sketches childhood scenes inChile and Lebanon; her uncle Salvatore Allende's reign and ruin as Chilean president;her struggles to shake off or find love; and her metamorphosis into a writer. ... Read more

Reviews (95)

Heart warming
Escucha Paula... te voy a contar una historia.

I read this book a few years ago, and many passages are still with me over the years. It is extremelly well written, simple yet very profound and manages to take you through a very sad and painful road we will all eventually go through, in a very loving way, the loss of a loved one.

It sometimes made me laugh, most of the time I had to remove tears from my face to keep on reading, but I am very thankful to Isabel Allende for sharing with me the most difficult time of her life, her story, and her suffering. I had never felt so identified with an author, and never had a book given me the chance to enter the author's mind, heart and soul.

What is trully remarkable about this book is that it wasn't inteded for us to read, it was only meant for Paula, so she wouldn't feel lost when she woke up, and yet you can immediatly identify with what goes on, and sense the everlasting, unmeasurable love of Isabel for her daughter.

It covers many subjects... history, family, war, illness, success, failures, but most of all, this is a book that celebrates life and LOVE.

Life-Affirmation
I first read Isabel Allende when my friend's mother recommended "The House of the Spirits." Later, I told my friend's mother how much I had enjoyed the novel. On that occasion she handed me her copy of "Paula," saying, "Hear. Read this." I obliged. "Paula" is the author's autobiography, written for her daughter, as she tries to nurse her daughter through a rare illness that has left her comatose. Allende visits the events in her past as she copes with the present. "Paula" moved me on many different levels. Allende's story of her own past is captivating. Her present day struggle to heal her daughter is heartwrenching. Despite the sadnesses of the book, it is a book that affirms life. I read it whenever I feel have wallowed in self-pity for too long. It reminds me that it is I who am in charge of my destiny. After crying the many tears I cry when I read "Paula," I feel cleansed, rejuvenated, and ready to live life again.

Took me awhile, but then...
I have to admit that the book took me awhile to love, but then I became totally involved. About the last 100 pages held my attention more than anything. This is a remarkable journey, and one that will haunt me for years to come. Some of the historical references were interesting, but often times took away from the poignancy of the novel.

In retrospect....
Isabel Allende is by far my favourite author, and I had always thought that 'Paula' was my favourite of her works.

However, stepping back from her books for sometime, then re-reading 'Paula' recently, I have had mixed feelings regarding the work.

The piece strikes me as somewhat more repetitive then I remember. While I completely understand a mother's love and the sorrow Allende must have felt during this period, her laments are almost word-for-word repetition. By far, the more interesting section of the book is that related to the family history and specifically, Paula's personality and place in the family scheme of things. Additionally, the continous use of similar metaphors and talk of spirits begins to wear down on even the most devoted of fans.

Paula's condition is never explained, and while I understand that it is as simple as a websearch, I felt that it was a major oversight to put it in relation to the context of their family.

Likewise, I felt that Paula's life was discussed too little, and Isabel's perhaps too much. Of course, it was Isabel's attempts to make sense of something completely senseless, and thus we can hardly blame her from trying to think of things unrelated to her daughter and ensuing sorrow.

A final criticism, much of the material covered in 'Paula' is again covered in Allende's 2003 biography 'My Invented Country'. If anything, 'Paula' serves as a suitable testment to the woman's extraordinary life.

Don't get me wrong, the work is still of four star quality. The writing is vivid, spiritual and alive, the story is un-put-down-able, emotions are wrenched from within, and the piece has a round cohension of which I truly admire.

The Pain of Too Much Tenderness.
A most poignant book by Isabel Allende. She surmounts words and feelings alike. The book lays bare the true story of her daughter's giving way too early, too slowly, and too sorely. It's a narrative that weds emotion to mystery; that nameless and dire facet of life. It reconciles contraries and makes peace with eyes too tender to shed their loved ones. Paula is not only a life-experience account, but also a true-to-heart revelation borne on human nature; how at times of utmost suffering we still manage to live on, as intimates, otherwise called memories, walk us along the remaining, and wavering, path of life. A tear and a smile, Paula. ... Read more

Book Description

Not long ago, Karen Duffy was sitting on top of the world and loving it. From calling bingo in a nursing home, she'd taken the express elevator to the penthouse overlooking success street. She worked as a VJ on MTV, as a spokesmodel for Revlon, as a film actress in Dumb and Dumber and other movies, and as a correspondent on Michael Moore's irreverent, Emmy-winning TV Nation. She was selected as one of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People in the World" in the same year she won the Ernest Borgnine Look-alike Contest.

But suddenly Duffy's whirlwind life of celebrity parties and socializing with friends from George Clooney to Jim Carrey to Richard Gere came to an abrupt, grinding halt when she was stricken with a serious illness in one of its rarest forms: sarcoidosis of the central nervous system. The disease left her partially paralyzed, in tremendous pain, and at times near death.

Although she had a serious disease, Duffy soon realized that the only way for her to survive was not to take the disease too seriously. Instead of hiding from life, she chose to run toward it. She learned to embrace the chaos of a life-threatening disease with a wit and humor that helped her to find the love of her life at a time when things seemed darkest.

Model Patient is a gripping, inspiring, and hilarious memoir that recounts the singular triumphs and tragedies of coping with a chronic, life-threatening disease.

Model Patient is an unforgettable, illumnating story that captures Duff's indomitable joie de vivre, revealing how she lives and how she has survived. ... Read more

Reviews (74)

Great, Inspiring
So many people buckle much more when faced with much less! I have been in love with this woman since I was like 15 years old, I have to admit, but I read the book in two days...well I am still in love with her. I wouldn't care if she had scariodosis, MLS, non-hodgikns lymphoma, leprosy and shingles all at the same time! If you're sick and you want to continue to live a happy, fufilling life, I think you could benefit both from Karen's practical advice (dealing with doctors, side-effects of medication) and her emotional approach to being seriously ill. I love the way she discussess support groups, herbal medicine and sentimentality in general. Duff rocks. I do not understand criticism of this book.

Entertaining, no-holds-barred book about overcoming hardship
Even without all those episodes of VH1's "Behind the Music," we know that there are way too many stories about celebrities who fall on hard times and have their lives wrecked for a multitude of reasons. When I first started reading "Model Patient," by TV personality/model/actress Karen Duffy, I was ready for another one of those charmed-life-hits-a-wall documentaries. As it turned out, I wound up pleasantly surprised.

I had always perceived "Duff" as a cute, stylish, somewhat saucy personality with a spiky sense of humor. This book alters that perception not one bit. Duff's story goes way beyond that of a living-life-large, party-chick celebrity who capitalized on resourceful ambition and good breaks to hit the big time after a dull middle-class upbringing, only to have tragedy bring her down to earth again. Aside from going into the details of sarcoidosis, I'd say that Duff did an excellent job of conveying how important focusing on life's big picture is, while still having the strength to mow down all the troublesome setbacks that appear almost daily to one with a life-threatening disease. Said another way, the support of friends, family and doctors is great, but a substantial amount of individual fortitude must complement this in order to prevail over a seemingly endless battery of medical tests, medications, or even a daily routine which has become literally painful. Duff is truly a survivor, and has developed a habit of thumbing her nose at death.

In addition to an interesting autobiography (even her husband wrote one of the chapters), Duff gives us her erudite advice about doctors' manners, outpatient tips, hospital etiquette, and even some self-deprecating humor and jokes about the medical profession. She recounts her life's tales in a way that is, at various times, philosophical, light-hearted, cocky, and witty. And, she's always optimistic. This book is amazingly upbeat, and definitely NOT in the style of "Tuesdays with Morrie" (a book about which Duff has some unkind words; I loved it), but the message of learning how to deal with setbacks, focusing on life's meaning, and keeping your head up at all times comes through just as clearly. Overall, it's a fun read.

Not Homer Simpson's kind of Duff.
Everyone wants to be a star, but no one wants to literally crystalize internally from sarcoidosis. That is the life, onscreen and off, of Karen "Duff" Duffy.

For the unbaptised, if Match Game were still around, Karen Duffy is the kind of all-around celeb that would be the next Brett Somers - Wiseacre, Girl Friday, Broad-in-the-making. She also meets the pain of a chronic disease with a glee that most people could not summon.

While a little of the "Duff" persona goes a long way, the sincerity of "Karen" is good medicine, page by happy spoonful. --Laurel825

Model Patient : My Life As an Incurable Wise-Ass
Full of self-absorption & name-dropping - could not make myself read the entire book. I bought it as inspiration for my mother who has Sarcoidosis & ended giving the book to Goodwill instead.

Funny and fun!
Uplifting for sick people. The author has a fun time even though she is sick. A good life lesson. ... Read more

Book Description

This Companion consists of 14 essays by leading international scholars. They provide a series of new perspectives on one of the most enigmatic and widely read American writers. These essays, specially tailored to the needs of undergraduates, examine all of Dickinson's writings, letters and criticism, and place her work in a variety of literary, cultural and political contexts. The volume will be of interest to scholars and students. It features a detailed chronology and a comprehensive guide to further reading. ... Read more

Book Description

"With its hard-nosed realism and passion for God, this memoir should appeal to people of faith across the political spectrum." —Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Winner of a 2004 Wilbur Award

Compared to the work of writers like Alex Kotlowitz and Jonathan Kozol, Heidi Neumark"s Breathing Space is an extraordinary memoir of a woman pastor, a church, and an urban community laboring for life and breath. Neumark—a young woman from a suburban, Ivy League background—spent nearly twenty years ministering in a Hispanic and African-American Lutheran church, aptly named Transfiguration. Despite living and working in a milieu of overwhelming poverty and violence, she encounters even more powerful forces of hope and renewal. Through poignant, intimate stories, Neumark charts her journey alongside her parishioners as pastor, church, and community grow in wisdom and together experience transformation.

"Surrounded by violence and poverty and threatened by urban renewal, Transfiguration Lutheran Church under Pastor Neumark survived and, perhaps miraculously, thrived . . . Her story proves genuinely inspirational as we follow her from despair and frustration to cautious optimism in the face of a still tenuous future." —Booklist

"Breathing Space is a beautifully produced book, and it has a utopian poignancy . . .
Yet it is grounded in the virtue of hope."
—James S. Torrens, America ... Read more

Reviews (2)

Inspirational -- pun intended.
This book was absolutely wonderful.I recieved it from a friend of mine who was an intern under Pastor Heidi -- and am very glad that he sent it to me.It is a bold book and a much needed to hear story.She writes in a compelling manner and has rich experiences to share with the reader.I thank her and the congregation at Transfiguration for sharing this blessing.

Remarkable book, by an even more remarkable person
I don't know where to begin in describing my admiration. The book is remarkable, blending bible studies and religion with politics, etymology, and common sense in telling compelling, well written stories. But even more than that is what the book shows about Heidi Neumark-her courage, feeling, and remarkable commitment to justice and humanity. Some people are committed to humanity as a nameless, theoretical mass. Her commitment is far more difficult and meaningful since it is to real people, one person at a time. The world is lucky to have someone like her. I wish that the rich and powerful could all be required to read this book.

The Publishers' Weekly review says that the book will "appeal to people of faith across the political spectrum."In fact, as someone at the other end of the faith spectrum, it appealed to me, in both senses of the word "appeal."



... Read more

Book Description

Ask some women their age, and they'll demur. Ask others, like Joni Mitchell or Cybill Shepherd, and they'll take up a sword. In this inspirational book, 50 women ranging in age from their 40s to their 60s-including movie and television personalities, musicians, and Olympic athletes-are presented in stunning photographs holding a sword to symbolize their passionate and courageous approach to aging. Their stories are told alongside the pictures, capturing the experiences of the 38 million women of the Baby Boom generation who are challenging the age barrier and living the second half of their lives to the fullest.

Coauthors Nancy Alspaugh and Marilyn Kentz are founders of the Fearless Aging movement, which encourages women to discard outdated views of getting older and celebrate who they are today. Joan Lunden, Leeza Gibbons, Shari Belafonte, Erin Brockovich, and Native American medicine woman Brooke Medicine Eagle are among the women who share their feelings about how they have become wiser and more powerful with age. The book concludes with an empty page for one final woman: a place where her photo can be added and her story can be told. As a tribute to a friend or loved one, this book is one of the best gifts a fearless woman can receive. AUTHOR BIO: Nancy Alspaugh, 49, is the Emmy Award-winning producer of numerous network and nationally syndicated programs, including NBC's long-running talk show Leeza.Marilyn Kentz, 57, is a member of The Mommies, the comedy duo whose stage show led to a television sitcom, a Showtime comedy special, and the ABC talk show Caryl and Marilyn: Real Friends. Together Nancy and Marilyn have published Not Your Mother's Midlife: A Ten-Step Guide to Fearless Aging and created a stage show about fearless aging. Mary Ann Halpin, 53, is an acclaimed photographer best known for her celebrity portraits and album and CD covers, along with a vast body of other work. She is the author and photographer of Pregnant Goddesshood: A Celebration of Life. ... Read more

Reviews (3)

Magnificent mid-life - we ain't done yet!
After looking at three of the photographs and reading the first page of the introduction, I immediately purchased three copies of this book - one for myself, and one for each of my sisters.Now halfway through looking at these amazing women and reading their inspiriational stories, I am empowered and inspired.Life is long, and the middle of it is fabulous! My first book was published when I was 53 and my next one is due out when, God willing, I will be 57.So take heart all you "women of an age."The best is yet to come, as the authors of this book and the women in its pages will show you.You, too, can join this company in making this the most delightful time of your life!Give this book to every "Boomer Babe" you know.

Spectacular
I purchased two copies of this book.The photographs are strong and captivating, followed by awe inspiring stories from a variety of backgrounds.It is a perfect gift for any woman in your life.

Beautiful and inspiring
Wow! I just got it and this book is beautiful and what amazing women.I am so excited to buy this as gifts for my friends who are in that age range but also just my female friends who are making it up in this world like some of the women in the book.The photos are awesome and it is also inspirational to read each of their stories.Definitely one to keep out on the coffee table for when guests come over. ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (20)

A Caribbean jeremiad
"A Small Place," by Jamaica Kincaid, is a nonfiction prose piece about the Caribbean island of Antigua. The author bio at the beginning of the book notes that the author was born on Antigua. A lean 81 pages, this is nonetheless a powerful text.

Kincaid discusses British colonialism, the corruption of the Antiguan government, racism, and greed. It seems to me a key question raised by the book is whether post-colonial Antigua is worse than colonial Antigua. The book is very much haunted by the spectre of New World slavery.

This book is a dark, angry jeremiad. I think it works better when seen as an extended prose poem rather than as an essay. As the latter, it could be criticized as full of invalid generalizations and undocumented claims. But as a poetic/prophetic text, it is chillingly effective.

Ultimately, Kincaid's vision of the human condition is extremely negative But her haunting, almost hypnotic prose really held me. I recommend the book to anyone planning a trip to a poor country for their own pleasure.

Spell-binding
Exceptional, breathtaking. I have never in my entire life witnessed a god-given writing talent like this.

Be Part of the Solution
This book is full of hate and racism on Kincaid's part. Would she have no tourists? What brings in the money? She should be a part of the solution not continue the problem.

Fascinating use of tense and voice
Like other reviewer, I was little put off by Kincaid's politics.

But the first thing that struck me about this book was the tense and voice. Second person (?you do this, you do that.....?) isn?t very common in literature, so when I see it, it has an immediate effect on me. Now, in one sense, I admire the choice of this tense. It allows the narrator to talk directly to the reader, informing him or her. It also gives the narrator some freedom to literally paint a scene in the reader?s mind. Instead of going to all the trouble to create the hundreds of details necessary to allow the reader to place himself or herself in Antigua, Kincaid can accomplish this in one sentence. Granted, she goes on to provide the details (she points out the cars, the roads, the hospital, the beach, the sun, etc.) but as she does this she has some additional room with this tense to comment on these details and actually point out their significance.

Using this tense also lets Kincaid convey her opinion of the typical tourist who comes to Antigua. Using the second person present tense makes the book flow more like a conversation, and as such, allows me to imagine one particular narrator, a very specific person who is telling me this story and painting these pictures in my mind, filling in the details and their significance as we go along. And if I am not a middle class or upper middle class white American who travels to other countries, this works very well. If I am not a middle or upper class Briton, this also works. But if I am, as are many of the people who buy and read contemporary literature, this would put me out a bit. In fact, it would pretty well alienate me to this narrator. Kincaid?s narrator pretty clearly says she wishes the tourists would stay home, she despises the English, she disdains the concepts of democracy and capitalism, and doesn?t think much of the people who do. Now on the one hand, using this tense and voice makes the narrator very real, very tangible as a character. We hear the narrator?s opinions on almost everything, so the voice becomes distinctive and individual. On the other hand, what this narrator says can be very challenging to some readers. Kincaid has obviously made some choices about what she has to say and how she sees her readership.

Starting in second person, the narrator focuses on building the scene in the reader?s mind, helping the reader see himself or herself in Antigua. The first sense we get of the narrator is from the asides (?Or worse, European?). The first time the narrator identifies herself is on pg. 10 (?of the people like me...?). I think this relates to the gradual change in voice that becomes evident at the beginning of chapter 2.

At the beginning of chapter 2 (after the illustration) the voice changes from a heavy second person to a slightly more traditional first person. Kincaid starts the chapter with ?The Antigua I knew....? and goes on to stay more focused on the first person voice. For me, this reinforced the conversational aspect of the book, the give and take as the focus moves from one speaker to the other. Even though it is always Kincaid?s narrator talking, the first chapter?s emphasis on the reader (you, you, you) is followed by the second chapter?s emphasis on the narrator (I, I, I). This more closely approximates the rhythm of a real conversation and keeps the essay relaxed and moving forward for me.

Small Place Section Stands Out Because of Voice Change Again

On page 52, the narrator changes voice again. In this section, the narrator stops talking primarily about herself and the reader and speaks in a more essayistic voice about Antigua as a whole. ?In a small place, people cultivate small events.? For me, this served to draw attention to this section. Not only because the voice changed, but also because the meaning of the book?s title is revealed in this section. The effect on me as reader is to keep my attention. The general feeling I come away with is an essay that starts with me, moves to the narrator, then moves to Antigua in general.

Last Section Entirely Third Person

The final change in voice occurs in the last section. The last chapter is totally in third person. The narrator has completely dropped the reader (you, you, you) and herself (I, I, I) and begins to speak in straightforward, third person omniscient point of view about Antigua. She even drops into the essayists questions (?What might it do to people...?) in this section. Ending the book in this voice, to me, lent credibility. If she had stayed in the first or second person voice all the way to the end, I might have more easily dismissed the book as biased or too personal. But slowly moving across the voice spectrum, ending in traditional third person, lends an aura of objectivity to the end.

All in all this was a fascinating change ue of tense and voice to tell a compelling story.

The selling out of the West Indies
Unfortunately, I had to buy A Small Place for my University of Michigan class on Latin America. I'm horrified that students and people will believe the West Indies is such a bad place from this book. Horrified. Believe me, I was born and lived in Barbados, an island close and similar in attitude to Antigua. Many everyday activities in Barbados that occur in Antigua are turned into Dateline "controversy of the week" issues. People, it's not that serious! What's worse, she doesn't even touch the real issues of the Caribbean. Not to mention, Jamaica Kincaid wrote the account as a longtime resident of the US. She doesn't even sound like a West Indian; she sounds like a pampered, naive North American who believes every nation that doesn't have a McDonald's on every block is third world, to exaggerate. White superiority is the myth this book perpetuates, and the West Indies is once again made out as a "Banana Republic." What's worse, half of the book's claims aren't even true, nor do natives consider them major issues. A warning to North Americans and Westerners alike; take this book with a grain of salt, most of this account is cornball, "what people want to hear" bull. Unfortunately, most people will believe this "tragedy." Please don't. I'm never believing anything Western media says about the rest of the world again. ... Read more

Reviews (62)

MY point is.....
In a book of 60,000 words, I only found a couple hundred to be VERY funny.

Disappointing and then some...
I am one of the biggest Ellen fans out there, but this book was probably her worst job.I found it to be mostly her early stand-up routine put down on paper.And since Ellen is largely funny because of her comical looks, it left the humor hanging.Seriously, being an Ellen fan from the start, I would sit and tell the jokes before I read them off the page.If she was going to do a book about jokes, she should have at least come up with some new material.And she is blatantly honest about the financial motives of writing the book, and even ends the final page by writing random words so that she can meet her publisher's word quota because she has run out of funny material.All I can say is thank goodness I picked up my copy at a flea market for a buck and didn't pay a much too large price for a repeat of her show.

Hmm.. was funny.. then it just gets tiring..
I am a huge huge fan of Ellen, I had always admired her talk shows and found her to be exceedingly funny without trying which is why I went to buy this book.I turned to the first few chapters and find them engaging but it didn't knock any laughter out of me. An occasional smile here and there but I get more humour out of internet chatting.

I actually stopped reading after 4 - 5 chapters mainly because her stories seemed to be neverending.. this is leading to that and that is leading to further that and that is again leading to something else.Sort of like The Simpsons.. only lacking any real weight.

I am still a huge huge fan of Ellen and I would probably buy her second book... and any books after that.. but this turned out to be a disappointment for me.

Nope
I love her 30-minute show, love her talk show, and I got a kick out of her second book. This was the reason I went back to the first one.I am not impressed with this book at all. I didn't crack a smile the whole time and this whole book was a bunch of lies. Just lie after lie after lie. It's funny when she picks fun at real situations (like gay marriage, having a cist, etc.), but when she just flat out starts telling fairy tales and tall tales, it's just like "Um...you coulda kept that."That's how I felt about this whole book:"Um...you coulda kept that."

Not as funny as I thought
I love Ellen DeGeneres as an actor and a comedienne. When I read this book, whilst I found some parts of it amusing, I have to say it wasn't as funny as I expected. Part of my disappointment was that this book was written before Ellen came out and when I read it, I can see she is holding back. There are a couple of references to relationships with men that just don't ring true. It's worth a read, but I don't think it's the funniest thing I have read. ... Read more

Book Description

At twenty-four, Michelle Kennedy was an ex-college student, an ex-U.S. Senate intern, an ex- wife, and an ex-member of the middle class. Faced with an untenable home situation, Michelleand her three small children retreated to the only refuge they had left—the backseat of a Subarustation wagon. Without a Net is one woman’s true story of scraping the bottom of theAmerican Dream—sleeping in parking lots, showering at campgrounds, and cooking ramennoodles over a public grill for dinner, all while taking care of three kids and working a full-time job.With humor and honesty, Michelle Kennedy describes how a few bad choices can push even asmart, educated woman and loving mother below the poverty line. And how, using her wits, a littleluck, and a lot of courage and determination, she survived disaster to create a new home for herfamily. ... Read more

Reviews (10)

not worth your time
if you don't buy this book, you're not missing out on much.this book was very disappointing.it's not a true depiction of a homeless life ,for the author is homeless only for 3 months in her life[thank god] .even though it's great that she found a stable life soon , 3 months is not enough to describe how a homeless person feels and what he or she goes through.the author does describe each daily routine in detail but never really explains why she can't disclose her homelessness to her parents .she keeps saying that they [her parents]are already very disappointed with her and that she doesnt want to worry them any further , but never really shares with us why that is so.why is homelessness her only option?she fails to explain that or give any insight on that matter altogether.she's not rich to begin with ,then why does she keep having babies?the only reason she gives for her growing brood is that she's allergic to condoms....surely, there are other ways to prevent conception.furthermore,the author seems to be a selfish person in the sense that just because she doesn't have a stable life ,she snatches someone else's boyfriend[even though he reminds her , 'this is not right' ]to make a life of her own.she sheepishly justifies this action by informing the readers that his girlfriend and he[the author's love interest] had been having some problems anyway.on the whole this book is very unsatisfactory .it explains what it wants to itand leaves out the rest.you get the feeling , that the author isn't being honest about her experiences as a homeless person .she only tells you what will get her pity and convenientlycuts short the less noble deeds.this story ,of a mother;homeless for 3 months , with her 3 young kidscould have been written much better i'm afraid.

Frankly honeststory that gives you a perspective
The author is a gifted writer and brings you into her world and her plight and bares her feeling, experiences, plight and soul in the book.She is young, self-centered and at the same time, caring and nurturing of her children.

She is luckier than most and had a good, yet very naive head on her shoulders. Many of the young mother of today, much younger than she is, share the same plight.Would be a good book to give a teen girl that wants to grow up too soon to show her the downside; but with caveat that this women was very lucky...she didn't have her kids taken away by welfare, she was able to find a job and earn money (even as college graduate, I was out of work for four months and had to take the first job I could find, earning me much less than was she complained about, and I am a single mother also), and she was only on her own for a few month...most single moms with kids in tow are not so lucky, nor do we have any family to fall back on even in the most dire straights.

The author seems very gifted pulling you into her world and I would love to see her write a series on the subject, including the much less successful tales of young women and children that are not as fortunate in fleeing their plight.

As the author, albiet briefly, was homeless, she could relate to others in this situation and would be able to draw out their experiences.

More people than want to admit or think about it, are only a few paychecks away from this situation...it is worth a read.

Do NOT Buy This Book, Don't Give The Author A Dime!
If I could give this book 0 stars, I would! I bought this book, read it in a night and have never been so upset in my life. This is basically the story of a selfish, thoughtless woman who stumbles through life pulling her three children with her. Why would you get married just to get a better financial aid package ? Why couldn't she take leave of absence, work, & save up money for school ? Marriage is not supposed to be used as a convenience to more easily fund your education. You do what I did - work in the summer, work during the school year and take education loans. Then, why would you continue to get pregnant knowing that your husband doesn't seem to really be involved with you or the children ? And finally, why on the earth would you move with your three children to a log cabin in the woods of Maine with just a wood fire for heat & no running water ? Had I been one of her neighbors, I would have called Child Protective Services to have the children taken away from her - children should have adequate food, clothing, shelter and supervision which she was unable to give them. Additionally, why didn't she pursue her husband for child support so that she could have enough money to pay for the kids ??

DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK! If you want to read about the truly homeless and/or working class, buy Nickel & Dimed, The Working Poor, Getting By On The Minimum, and many other good books.

Very good
This memoir written by a lady who ended up living in her car with her three children has left me with quite a few impressions.

The story itself is kind of amazing.I ended up feeling extremely sorry for the kids and very mad at Michelle for getting herself into this situation.I kept thinking that she managed to bring woman back to the dark ages quite easily.During the first part of the book, I kept thinking "how hard is it not to keep having babies".

Michelle really seemed like a total doormat and I felt for the kids.

However, I must give her huge credit for never giving up and always remembering her mostimportant responsibility was to her kids.

As for the writing itself.It was entertaining and raw and extremely honest, which is what one hopes to get when reading a memoir.

I am glad that Michelle wroter her story and I hope that all is good for her and the kids now.

compelling and well written
This is a well written and fascinating story.The author does not claim an absence of responsibility for the position she's in- and she makes some odd decisions along the way. However-that'swhat I loved about it-as an ode to parenthood; she is devoted to her children & manages to get all of them through this ordeal without being a perfect human being. That is truly inspiring. ... Read more

Reviews (1)

A Beautiful and Brilliant Book
I read this book in one sitting, at least one sitting as allowed by three young children, and the words moved me more than any book I've read in recent history.The questions she deals with face every woman and mother.To follow her journey is to follow your own heart as her words resonate so deeply into the spaces we don't have time for or don't pay enough attention to.I would imagine that the first reaction to the book is one of eyebrows raised; a leap to immediate judgement about a mother who would give up primary custoday.That is the magic of this book - because when you read the beauty, love and committment of this mother and woman, it simply can't be taken away from her and her children.I learned a great deal about myself because this push and pull between judgement and recognition was palpable. We all have to challenge our assumptions and expectations of what a family or a mother is supposed to be - should be - or is expected to look like.Whether or not one believes in the "ideal" family unit or the "perfect" mother, that is simply not the truth or reality for the majority of us.Here is a woman and author who has the courage to face that, live with it, and be true to herself and her family.One may not agree with her choices and I suppose that is the point of the book.We don't have to agree or disagree with her choices, but should examine and make our own with the same kind of courage and insight.It is inspiring to see her determination, faith and love in every choice she makes.Whether or not her children are ultimatley the better and happier as a result of her choices is, of course, unknown - but that is the universal truth of being a mother.There is hope here, and I think that is the key. ... Read more

Book Description

Ruth Irene Garrett was the fifth of seven children raised in Kalona, Iowa as a member of a strict Old Order Amish community. She was brought up with rigid rules and intense secrecy in a world where the dress, buggies, codes of conduct, and way of life differed from that of other Amish societies a mere one hundred miles away. Her community uncompromisingly avoided all interaction with "the English" -- everyone who lived on the outside. As a result, Ruth knew only one way of life, one way of doing things.

This compelling true tale offers a striking look inside a hidden community as a woman comes to terms with her discontent and ultimately leaves her family, faith, and the sheltered world of her childhood. She bravely crosses over to a new and unfamiliar reality in hopes of better understanding her emotional and spiritual desires. The result is a powerful and inspiring story -- a search for meaning and the extraordinary lessons learned along the way.

Reviews (18)

I could never tell all
I just recieved my copy of "Crossing Over" and what a wonderful book! There's no way I could or for that matter would, tell my life history for the world to read and see.People can be so harsh and so self rightous.Ruth Irene Garrett had the guts to tell her and Ottie's story of falling in love and her leaving the Old Order Amish for a man 20 plus years older and divorced.I believe if she was willing to tell her story then it must be true because she told her story from the heart.I felt every bit of pain she felt when those awful letters from her family arrived at her new home.She has to be a very strong person.I wish her all the luck in the world. I hope Hollywood does a great job telling her story. I'm glad I read the book before the TV movie comes out, because I'm sure they'll put their little twist to it and this way I know the story about Ruth Irene Garrett.

A Heart Full of Grace
Coming from Amish and Mennonite family background myself, and growing up interacting with cousins in Kalona, it was very interesting to read Irene's story. I have always known that there were inconsistencies within the Amish culture, however, I was surprised at the severity of her father's treatment of his family. I was impressed with her courage to leave, yet also with her ability to maintain a desire to stay in contact with her family. It is obvious that she has an understanding of the concept of unconditional love even though this was not consistently modeled for her.

I have had the pleasure of meeting Irene and Ottie and was impressed with their honesty, love and unconditional positive regard they held for one another. Their book, "My Amish Heritage" is evidence of the hope that Irene holds in staying connected with her early life even as she moves on, evolving into a beautiful modern-day woman. Her heart is full of grace.

Crossing Over: Into what?
A fascinating book, but kind of disturbing. You get this idea that Amish life is unbearable, when I really doubt it. For Irene, it was hard, because her father was so harsh, but I have met and known Amish and the men tend to be very gentle. Yes, it is patriarchal, but that does not make it automatically "bad".
I would be upset too is my daughter, unmarried, slept with a man over 20 years older, twice divorced, disabled, obese and virtually unemployed and then ran away from home to marry him.
I can see where they considered it adultery. I sympathized with Irene, and at the same time, I feel for her family. They are all between a rock and a hard place.

A good, sad read
As other reviewers have said, this is a somewhat short book and a quick read. Another interesting Amish book is 'Amish Society' by John A. Hostetler, which is an anthropological look at the Amish.

I'm not Amish, but the town in Ohio where I grew up had Mennonites / German Baptist (not sure of the exact sect) interspersed with non-Amish (the 'English') in the rural areas. The author of this book was in an old order Amish sect which shuns more technology (such as cars) than the Mennonites. It seems that non-Amish people view the Amish as cute and quaint, sort of like one of those old-time villages tourists go to to see blacksmiths and horses and buggies and glassblowing. The difference is that the Amish don't leave the old-time village after the tourists have left.

I'm surprised that I haven't read more about women's rights groups speaking out against the Amish sects since Amish women seem to be the ones most oppressed.

very interesting
As someone who finds the whole Amish existence to be fascinating, I was very interested in reading this book. The only thing wrong with it is that it was too short! It held my attention. This book provides insight into the true story of Ruth Irene Garrett. Born and raised Amish, she fell in love with an "Englisher". Wanting more out of life and searching for answers, she had to leave behind her family and was ultimately shunned by her family and the community. Her story is told with truth and Love. A real glimpse into what is certainly a society that most of us can only imagine. ... Read more

Book Description

Entering her fortieth year, Beverly Donofrio, a "lapsed Catholic," inexplicably begins collecting Virgin Mary memorabilia at yard sales. Her search for kitsch, however, soon becomes a spiritual quest, leading her to make a pilgrimage to the holy city of Medjugorje. There, she learns that Mary comes into your life only when pride steps out and receives a bonus: hope. In Looking for Mary, Donofrio offers the universal story about a woman who-in a quest for the Blessed Mother-finds herself. ... Read more

Reviews (32)

inspiring on so many levels!
If you are Catholic and struggling, read this book! If you are a woman, a mother and struggling, read this book! If you need inspiration or faith, read this book!

What a wonderful read! I found this book accidently and Beverly would suggest that maybe I was led to it. I wouldn't argue with her.

Between the de-emphasis on Mary in the current US Catholic Church and the criticism of my Prostestant friends, I had lost a commitment to Mary. The rosary was passe and praying to her constituted icon worship. Though I am still grappling with the likelihood of the Assumption, Beverly's experiences have opened my heart to the love and support that Mary can provide. The Hail Mary is again tripping off my tongue.

Beverly speaks directly from her heart into the reader's with a voice that is real and powerful.

Yes, I believe Mary has a job for Beverly and it has started beautifully with this book.

Guilt! Travels! Miracles! And The B.V.M!
I loved this autobiography; one really comes to like and admire Beverly (hard to imagine not being on a first name basis with her by the book's end ) both for the courage in pouring her heart out and the witty charm of her writing style. A rare combination indeed.

For Protestants who believe that Mary equals idolatry, do not worry, sometimes whole weeks go by and we Catholics do not see a statue of Mary weeping tears of blood at our local parish.

Besides, this narrative is unlikely to make it into a Catholic Book of the Month Club (Is there such a thing?) what with Beverly deliberately writing that she hoped Jesus and Mary Magdalene got it on, that she couldn't bring herself to see J.P # 2 despite being granted a Papal audience because his stance on birth control and women in general is barbarically primitive; and that she loves worshipping (she knows damn well the party line is 'venerating') The Blessed Virgin Mary--or as Beverly refers to her, the B.V.M.

What we've got here is a repentant Christian, who is brought back to the Church, in spite of herself, through the Grace of The B.V.M.--who is frankly aware of the absurdity of her condition and yet tremendously grateful.

As for the travelogue, Beverly takes us to the spiritual heights of Medjurgoje; where seeing the sun spin out of orbit or having silver medals that turn into gold is commonplace enough to be blase, to the abyss of whitebread West Los Angeles, California, where a young priest beams at the congregation while recounting how much he likes to rollerblade (Like, groovy, dude!)

In the end, our heroine finds a home, liturgy and peace in Mexico. But the travels are only part of the panorama of sinners, saints, zealots, bigots, and other assorted lunatics which make up The Church (and this book.)

The redemption of Beverly is a bittersweet story. Hardest to take is her self-flagellation at not having been a good mother to her son, Jason,---who must be pushing 30 and sounds like he's turned out really quite well.

Even though to hear Beverly tell it, she sounds as if she sold him to child prostitution and broke his bones to get alms from strangers on the adcvice of her boyfriends.

Beverly, ease up, you weren't THAT bad of a mother!

She was a teenage mom who married a loon because she got pregnant. She resented her son for 'grounding' her during her youth, and avoided some tough choices by being his "pal" rather than his Mom.

Oh yes she also (gasp!) got involved with even weirder men and made a mess of her life while Jason tagged along--Ok, so it won't win he Donna Reed/ Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, but she wasn't exactly a Kennedy who could afford 3 nannies for Jason. As a matter of fact, she was essentially a kid herself who got very little help from anyone.

Plus there were episodes in which her behavior in defending her son were brave and truly exemplary but she dsmisses them when contrasting them to her acts of selfishness.

In any case, above all, this is a touching story, remarkably free of sentimentality and very, very human.

thanks, Beverly.

Enhhh... I liked it but.....
I found myself skipping around a lot through this one looking for the interesting parts. I realize that D'Onofrio makes her living demonstrating her lack of mothering skills in literature, but this one tends toward the self-pitying from time to time. Her journey to find Mary leads her around the world and is somewhat lacking in structure. I wouldn't put it on the top of your "to-buy" list, but if you see an affordable or library copy, it is worth the afternoon it took me to read it.

Really opened my eyes
As a Lutheran, I never really learned anything about Mary, other than the fact she was the mother of Jesus. But while at the library one afternoon, I was walking down an aisle and my eyes fell upon this book. It was tucked away behind some bigger books. I'm not sure why it stuck out but I picked it up, took it home, and read it. It was wonderful! It really made me more interested in Mary. While reading it one night, I smelled roses, which I found really strange, but oddly soothing. On the next page it says that when Mary is around, people say they smell roses.

I thought this was a wonderful book.

Finding Mary
A friend recommended this book ... and I have to say it was a fine read. It's the story of Beverly Donofrio's search for meaning in her life via the Virgin Mary. She started out collecting Mary icons at yard sales and soon had an entire room dedicated to Mary. God does work in mysterious ways.

She delves in depth into her relationship with her son and how God healed that part of her life. But I had to laugh out loud at one statement she made. She said she just couldn't understand why God did not include Mary in the Trinity, bless her heart. What most people don't know (and male preachers/priests seldom ever mention) is that in the Old Testament God is referred to as El Shaddai. Shaddai is formed from "shad" (the breast) Genesis 49:25 or "The Breasted" - the "Nourisher", "the Strength-Giver", the "Satisfier" who pours Himself/Herself into believing lives. God is all female/all male and thankfully, much, much more than the sum of the two! ... ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (39)

An important book as well as a great read!
I came across this book randomly in a second hand store but it struck me and I took it home and read it in it's entirety that night. While some reviewers have felt that Caroline Kettlewell was gloryifying her cutting I disagree. The way she wrote about it expressed how she felt at the time she cut. It was a wonderful way to overcome her other problems, to her, while she knew it was wrong, it was still a blessing. I have been struggling with depression for most of my life and I still have to fight to keep from cutting. In reading this book I felt so much less alone than ever before.

Something I feel is important about this book is that it is a first hand account. Caroline Kettlewell gives information on cutting that is scientifically based but it is only to give insight to her experience. So much of society had misconceptions about people struggling with depression, cutting, and eating disorders among other mental diseases and illness' that I find it very important for people to read about a real live person. Give a person to go with the disease. So many sufferers are defined by their problems and "outsiders" can't see past that.

Caroline Kettlewell also happens to have a degree in English which makes this book an extremely pleasant read. It is well written and while it does include the science behind the psychology it is in understandable terms; you don't feel like you're reading a text book. The personal account of a disease starting in preadolescence until adulthood and how it was overcome gives hope to sufferers and a new point of view to their friends and families. A MUST read.

Every scar tells a story
As you grow up, you're taught that every scar tells a story and I believe that Caroline Kettlewell has proved that point.

This book is a remarkable memoir of growing up with self-mutilation. She tells of how it looked, felt, etc. It can get a bit graphic, but sometimes, you need the graphic stuff in order to understand the feelings.

I think that this book is exquisite. I think every self-injurer could identify with the feelings that Caroline went through. I think that non-'cutters' could identify with some of the feelings, too.

This book gives cutters a feeling of not being alone and non-cutters a way to understand what it's like to hurt so much that you have to hurt yourself.

There aren't enough words to describe how awesome this book is. I just hope that it helps you to understand how serious self-mutilation really is.

The Choice was mines...
I finish reading Kettelwell's "Skin Games" It only took me about two weeks to read it. I have to say, I didn't like in the beginning when she refer to her scars as "Sins" but I did like how she threw in the whole Southern experience, "Scarlett O'Hara" and "Gone with the Wind," I'm a sucker for that culture.

Kettlewell writing is a little strong for me. She made me, the reader, feel benith her; She uses such words expressing her cutting that to the mind of an English teacher would understand, but to the simple minded reader...she needed to use small words...She jumps from first person point of view to third persons.

She writes of her life as a long script. She is the actor and this is her play. Such as her first wedding date when she writes "I show up on the Church's lawn, Half hour before it all begin. I came in shorts and a shirt, and I had my wedding dress thrown over my shoulder..." She's done research that can be apply to her own personal life. She writes about how she had to lie to tell people about her cutting, as "Did tell a lie to keep myself happy, or did I tell it not to worry them?"

In the end, she brought everything together, when she writes "I stop cutting because I always could have stop cutting; that the pain and inelegant truth. No Matter how compelling the urge, the act itself was always a choice. I had no power over flood tite of emotions that drove me to that brink, but I had the power to decide whether not to step over. Eventually I decided not to......You have to make your journey, and bear its scars" I think that is so true and cleverly written.

Its myself who is cutting and this is hard to admit. I am the one who is holding the razor to my flesh, and I am the one who cleans it up afterwards. I can't blame it on no one but myself. I don't have control over people's though, words and actions that can sometimes lead me to cut, but I am the one who is doing it. I can't (yet) control my thoughts and emotions, but I can control my actions.

The choice was mine, and mine completely. I could have any prize that I desired. I could burn with the splendor of the brightest fire, Or else, I could choose time. Its like once you put your hand in the flame you can never be the same. There's a certain satisfaction in a little bit of pain. You learn form that. Life is a learning experience.

So I actually took something away from Kettlewell Story. Granted it might not have been what I wanted...but its something that I always knew.

This book went nowhere
Memoir is one of my favorite genres, but this book was so disjointed I just couldn't get into it. The author throws in random chapters in her life but never explains how they relate to her cutting. She never explains what events motivate her to take a razor to her skin. A memoir is supposed to be intimate, but in this book the author as an adult seems so detached from her adolescent self. If she doesn't know what made her cut, why did she write a book about nothing? There are no epiphanies here. Also the book is written in an annoying College English Term Paper "Look at me" style. (Too many similes, metaphors, cutesy modifiers, etc.)Completely uninspiring. I give 2 stars because I enjoyed the chapters about growing up in Rural Virginia. For a good memoir, read "Angela's Ashes" or "Even Dogs Go Home To Die."

Skin Game review
I (as a cutter myself) know the emotions the author is realiting to in this book, at first i found it as an excellent referenst to say to people "read this page - that is how i feel today" and then i got to the grafic parts, she goes into a lot of detail, a word of warning to anyone reading this on their road to recovery, make sure u are safe when reading as some of its contents may be Triggering. ... Read more

Reviews (4)

"Yes Guru ... Whatever you say Guru"
If the televsion show "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" makes it all look like a fairytale, this book will prove that it is also a lifestyle that can be fraught with heartache and disappointments.

Deborah deserves much credit for a great effort, and for sharing such intimate details of her epic life as a daughter, sister, girlfriend, mother, and of course as the wife of Carlos Santana.

A large portion of the book covers the decade that Deborah & Carlos were disciples of the spiritual Guru, Sri Chinmoy.In the early 1980's, the Santanas disassociated themselves from the Guru after they discovered that he "was not the illumined spritual teacher that his disciples proclaimed". Stating that she felt very liberated that she and Carlos would no longer have to say "Yes, Guru", "Whatever you say, Guru", you would presume that they would never again have the desire to be dependent on a spiritual Guru as their "link to God".Surprisingly, that is not so.

A recent news report states that Carlos' personal assistant, Bruce Kuhlman, has accused Carlos and Deborah of firing him for not being "closer to God," according to a wrongful termination lawsuit filed in California.Kuhlman alleges that Deborah, went on a campaign to terminate him after her current spiritual guru, "Dr. Dan," determined through "calibration" tests that Kuhlman was too old to become enlightened.

It's unfortunate if the allegations are true; however, Bruce may not be the first person whose level of spiritual committment was questioned by the Carlos & Deborah.Former Santana keyboard player Tom Coster stated in an interview that he left the Santana band in the 1980's because Carlos & Deborah kept pressuring him about his level of committment to Sri Chinmoy.Tom questioned if Carlos and Deborah even knew to this day, that was his reason for leaving the band.

The chronicling of Deborah's life explains many of the changes seen in the Santana organization after she assumed management of the band in the mid 1990's.It's safe to say that she was very instrumental in getting Carlos to reunite with Producer Clive Davis which resulted in the multi-Grammy winner "Supernatural".

Other changes include the licensing of the Santana name to a number of products such as womens shoes, and die-cast funny cars.What do these items have to do with Santana music?Probably as much as Dr. Dan's "calibration" tests have to do with getting one "closer to God".

Put it down---NO WAY!
Having lived a different life in the sixties, I felt like Beulah in 'Field of Dreams'...'No, I think you had two fifties and moved right into the seventies.'And, though my life was different and extremely conservative, I found within this detailed account of a person's most private and profound observations a vein of truth that runs through all womankind: a need to love and be loved; a quest for some expression of individuality and, ultimately, a desire to live an honest life with integrity.

I first read an excerpt of Deborah Santana's work in 'Daily Word' and was struck by her statement, "For many years, I felt insignificant, with no outer light of my own to shine." I, too, felt a kinship to that statement. How had Deborah transcended a stairway to her own 'light' and self-worth? I realize now that all women have an opportunity in their life to make a difference and contribute...usually in a much different way than our counterpart and for that I'm thankful.

what memories!
Rebeccasreads highly recommends SPACE BETWEEN THE STARS as an extraordinarily elegant, often plangent & frequently lambent memoir that illuminates the feminine side of the last half of the 20th Century & the racism in an era when race relationships were on a cusp, & the children of biracial couples were vilified.

From defying parents to loss of innocence & abortions to college & a new love - the great guitarist Carlos Santana. Together they become disciples to a guru & his religious movement. This is an important aspect of that era: when gurus, of all stripes, came out of India, drawing to themselves eager & naive searchers for the way to godliness. They brought their own brands of mind-control, dominance & rewards, all exotically wrapped up in 100% devotion, pure living through meditation, community activism & evangelizing.

Deborah Santana brilliantly describes the euphoria, the magical attraction of someone so revered, & the gladsome sense of belonging & achievement. She also bluntly records the descent from favored disciples into disillusionment, excommunication & separation.

On into the world of Carlos Santana, his family, his music & their marriage. When they decide to start a family, Deborah Santana's memories are bright with ardor, insights & a growing maturity. & then, the evil of infidelity sneaks in, & more lessons are to be learnt.

SPACE BETWEEN THE STARS is engrossing, evocative & memorable.

A Powerful Memoir
This is an intimate, revealing, highly-readable memoir of an exciting, unusual, and deeply-examined life.Deborah Santana's beautifully-written book allows the reader to accompany her on a heady trip through San Francisco in the 1960's and 70's, as she takes us on a backstage tour, complete with sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll.

But this is much more than a hip jaunt though the wild worlds of music and celebrity.It is also a journey through times of social and personal upheaval and awakening.It is a story of coming of age filled with romance and motherhood, mysticism and business, loneliness and family, fear and strength.Her honest, heartfelt, and often funny account can also be a source of inspiration and solace due to her ability to overcome prejudice, insecurity, abuse, heartbreak, and loss.

Ultimately it is the triumphant tale of a courageous woman who has experienced pain and privilege, hardship and success and faced them all with real sincerity, humility, spirituality, and, most of all, love.

Deborah Santana is powerful, eloquent writer who uses words like prisms through which we can learn to see the world, and ourselves, in new ways.
... Read more

Amazon.com

In the mildly entertaining memoir Cad: Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor, former New York Times reporter and pop-culture critic Rick Marin chronicles the years of marathon dating and shallow living that followed in the wake of his failed "starter marriage." Marin moves through a series of urbane exploits and short-lived affairs, perfecting his trademark move of whipping off his horn-rims midconversation in a "myopic gaze," holding court with his wingman Tad over the hot buffet at Billy's Topless, and regurgitating wisdom gleaned from The Godfather. Like the similarly self-indulgent How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, Cad has its memorablemoments--Marin comparing his wedding video to the Zapruder film and hitting on actress Moira Kelly when she was still an ingénue living with her mom on Long Island--but the book's swinging, ring-a-ding-ding Rat Pack attitude feels noticeably forced and uninspired, leaving a flat aftertaste to the whole affair. --Brad Thomas Parsons ... Read more

Reviews (41)

Entertaining, but not 'literature'
Coming out of an early marriage to a somewhat lost young woman, Rick Marin decides to embrace a "love 'em and leave 'em" single life. Readers who enjoy "Bridget Jones" type books or Cosmopolitan magazine will enjoy this male perspective on the NYC dating scene.

For much of the book, the writer works freelance, including writing articles for fashion and beauty magazines such as Allure and Mademoiselle. Although his work may address things naive women can do when 'he' doesn't call, the writer is more cavalier in his own life--he doesn't call because he never had any intention of calling you and doesn't care. Many of the female characters in the book are self involved, insecure, or just flighty, offering some amusement in the cavalier treatment they receive from the cad. The vulnerability of some of these women sheds some unflattering light on the writer at times.

Consistent with other stories of this genre, the writer grows into an adult during the course of the book. Treatment of a family tragedy is conveyed well and with empathy, without being overly sentimental. However, the final pieces where the writer finds true love aren't consistent with the rest of the novel and feel like they don't quite fit.

Overall, a novel with some literary pretensions that manages to entertain most of the time.

A Jolly Ride.
First off, the title for the book is potentially misleading. Mr. Marin is not a cad as he is neither unprincipled nor ungentlemanly throughout the majority of his interactions. At one point a woman he works with wants to set him up on a blind date and he says "I have a girlfriend. I can't take her number." This is not the response of a cad. In the eyes of this reviewer, it appears that Mr. Marin is well within the range of average behavior for a man or woman in America throughout the 284 pages in which he describes himself. He is not a saint or a demon. At one point he even recites the motto of all anti-cads by saying that "sex is not enough."
Marin's is a story with great universality. His work will resonate with many unmarried straight people and there is much truth in it. His observation that "I'd spent so much time 'pouring my heart and soul into being insincere,' I'd forgotten how to act with a girl I actually liked" is an unhappy predicament that affects countless single adults. Re-igniting lost idealism and optimism is a highly daunting task and a foremost reason as to why finding love later in life is such a struggle. Those of us in our thirties all have emotional baggage and it invariably means that sometimes one has been brutalized in the past and can now be brutalizing in the future. This is true regardless of one's sex as we inflict pain but also have it inflicted upon us. Mr. Marin is far from an exception to this rule.
Much of Marin's status seeking in the memoir can be attributed to the old Orson Welles quote about men making civilization to impress their girlfriends but the narrator amends the saying it by changing it "to get girlfriends." He spends tremendous mental capital in the pursuit of making his career as a journalist a success but often finds that he needs monthly subsidies from his parents just to get by. Work is as chancy a venture as love is for Mr. Marin. It seems that his internal makeup and character are nearly insurmountable obstacles to Marin getting what he wants and needs out of life as he lacks the quality of 'decisiveness', which is one of the worlds greatest virtues, and his indecisiveness in all things sabotages his numerous opportunities.
What drives the action in Cad... is the author's attempt to recover and stabilize his life after the debacle of his divorce. This traumatizing event is key to any understanding of our aging anti-hero. In his three year marriage, Marin was flayed and flambéed by his ex-wife severely. By any configuration, his was an awful marriage. His narration humorously documented: "...even our goldfish were committing suicide. I found them on the floor halfway between the door and the window. Making a break for it, maybe. I didn't blame them." Marin had met a girl who cuckolded him and he ignored every portend of their relationship's doom ("after we were married, she was still introducing me as her 'friend'").
This book is a jolly good ride and, therefore, easy to recommend. Unlike other tell-alls, Marin never takes himself too seriously and shows that he can laugh at himself. One of my favorites lines is illustrative: "She called me an 'opportunist,' because I went to publicity events for the free booze. I'm a journalist!' I protested." Cad is a major surprise as the misandry embossed onto the back cover gave this reviewer a bad case of the heebie-jeebies, but, in the end, it is a far more valid description of the single life today than what one finds in practically every other memoir or publication.

Lighthearted and fun
There's nothing profound or meaningful about this book, but it sure is a good read. All guys will surely nod their heads in sympathy as they read each episode in this guy's landmine-filled love life. And I think most women would find it insightful, in a lighthearted sort of way. Rick Marin really does get right to the heart of what it means to be a single guy - not that we are all that complicated, mind you, so I'm not saying his achievement is worthy of any kind of prize, be it literary or sociological. But this book could have easily been written badly by a lesser author or lesser human being. Marin, I think, demonstrates quality in both categories.

Male answer to Sex and the City?
This might be Rick Marin's male answer to "Sex and the City." I think what Marin is trying to do with this book is show that men can be the flighty, fickle, and fake ones in the world. It's not an impressive read.

The book explores his exploits among New York's women from the point of view of a (supposedly) attractive Latin-Canadian. Marin's "Reference Train" is dated and out-of-touch. He discounts women because they have "bad shoes," or faces like the Easter Island statues, and when he likes a woman, it's because she has "good shoes" and doesn't take crap from him. Sex is a card he plays when he wants to.

Overall, unimpressive, not worth the money. If you must read it, try the library's copy.

A Great One Night Stand
RICK MARIN's "CAD" is pointless and meandering...and that's why it is entertaining. You probably won't reread it when you're done but you'll have fun reading it the first time. The only thing really holding it back is that a) the hip attitude seems forced as if Marin does not believe himself to be as cool as he wishes us to believe, and b) he doesn't seem to have an underlying modesty to take his actions with a grain of salt. We're laughing at him, not with him. In Rikki Lee Travolta's "MY FRACTURED LIFE" he covered all the same areas of womanizing and being a "cad" but never took himself too seriously. His is a book I continue to reread, like a regular fling. "CAD" though was like a one night, good for the moment. ... Read more