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    1. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's
    $16.76 $4.68 list($23.95)
    2. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests
    $10.50 $4.33 list($14.00)
    3. The Mother Dance: How Children
    $10.50 $0.95 list($14.00)
    4. The Dance of Deception: A Guide
    $8.21 $6.93 list($10.95)
    5. Harriet Lerner on Intimacy: How
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    6. Life Preservers: Good Advice When
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    7. The Dance of Connection: How to
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    8. The Dance of Intimacy CD : A Woman's
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    9. What's So Terrible About Swallowing
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    10. Harriet Lerner on Mothers &
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    11. Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird
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    12. Harriet Lerner on Anger: Where
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    13. Ser Madre: Empezar Una Nueva Vida
    14. The Dance of Intimacy: A Women's
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    15. Respuestas para mantenerse a flote

    1. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $14.00
    our price: $10.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 006091565X
    Catlog: Book (1997)
    Publisher: Quill
    Sales Rank: 1446
    Average Customer Review: 4.72 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    "Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (50)

    5-0 out of 5 stars The Dance of Anger
    The Dance of Anger literally changed my life. I was in a heath crisis & self-evaluation when I was given this book & it was like God & my friend had meant for me to be saved by this book. I was feeling so angry & out of control with my parents, my spouse, & feeling distant from my children. This book made me see that many things that I was angry & frustrated about were of my making & not someone else creating the situation. I was literally transformed by Dr Lerner's insightful writings. It truly was an life changing read. I saw myself in so many situations that she wrote about. This book truly changed my life. I read her other books too & was helped so much by all of them...but this book was the key to me being a happier, emotionally healthy & loving person. It is a true gift to women who want a better relationship with the important people of their lives. I can't recommend this book highly enough to all! It is a true gift from Dr Lerner to women everywhere!!

    5-0 out of 5 stars A life-changing approach
    Think that you don't have an anger problem because you usually keep your temper bottled and just stew and feel resentful? Think again! Feel frustrated and angry at the people around you who, no matter how much you plead, won't change and start behaving the way you want? Here's a solution.

    Dr. Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Anger" provides a whole new approach for women who feel stuck and powerless. Using case studies, Lerner demonstrates ways that women can change their reactions when other people's behavior and expectations upsets them. Her basic premise: You can't change how others treat you--you can only change how you respond. Throughout the book, Lerner provides examples of how women can set boundaries with friends, family members and others so that they can break out of unsatisfying relationship patterns.

    The "Thinking in Threes" chapter addresses ways that third parties get pulled into conflicts, and how to better handle these situations by focusing on the source of the conflict.

    Lerner's book is an excellent source for learning a "new dance"--a new way of approaching life. One caveat: I question whether this approach would be safe or appropriate for someone dealing with domestic violence or an emotionally abusive relationship. While several experts in that area have said that the reason people abuse is because it works, making the abuse no longer work by using Lerner's approach of changing one's reaction to that behavior could make the abuse escalate. From the training I've received in domestic violence (I'm not a therapist but I do have some professional training in this area), I believe that the most dangerous time for someone in an abusive relationship occurs when she tries to get out of that relationship. Changing one's response to abusive behavior under Lerner's recommendations might make the situation more dangerous.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Patterns is the key word
    This book is wonderful. It would be helpful to anyone - men and women alike when have just about any type of relationship problem. She is great about explaining that our relationships - when they are not at an optimal level get stuck in a pattern. Like an overfunctioning parent results in an underfunctioning child...hit home on that one. It isn't an anger management book, really - more that when you feel some anxiety in a relationship - it can be due to anger but more importantly a bad pattern of behavior. Even better, she gives examples of how to begin to "break" the pattern - or how she says "Dance" - you move differently and the dance changes! Great book - helpful for work issues, marital issues, and child rearing. Notes that unresolved issues with first family replay themselves in the family we make for ourself. You will not regret reading this book - written in such a way that is easy to read.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Changed my life
    This book had a significant impact on who I am today: a more self confident person who understands that the only person truly in control of my life is: ME!

    I love the examples of how to handle conflict situations, as for those of us who grew up without a good example, knowing that we don't deal with situations appropriately is not so helpful if we don't get clues on how to improve.

    A friend recommended the book and I have given it to friends since. Read this book if you are not afraid of change, as change is required. Change to be a happier person.

    I have read a lot of psychology books, this one is right to the point and spoke my language. It gave me hope and the tools to make my life better.

    5-0 out of 5 stars This book is changing my life
    I had already read "The Anger Habit," and I thought that book changed my life completely. I might have stopped there, having learned so much and been so much more at peace. I'm glad I didn't. "The Dance of Anger" is along completely different lines, but it still has taught me invaluable lessons. Mostly, I am learning what is my responsibility and what is not. I think I had things completely backward, as so many of us do. My whole attitude and perspective have changed. My husband is impressed with the changes in me and says he will read this book after he finishes "The Anger Habit." I consider this book a gift in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone. ... Read more


    2. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests : Tackling the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keep Us from Optimal Living and Loving
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $23.95
    our price: $16.76
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060081570
    Catlog: Book (2004-05-01)
    Publisher: HarperCollins
    Sales Rank: 7137
    Average Customer Review: 4.58 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions.

    Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from "fear lite" to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We learn-

    • How a man was "cured in a day" of the fear of rejection -- and what we can learn from his story

    • How the author overcame her dread of public speaking when her worst fears were realized

    • How to deal with the fear of not being good enough, and with the shame of feeling essentially flawed and inadequate

    • How to stay calm and clear in an anxious, crazy workplace

    • How to manage fear and despair when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability, and loss

    • How "positive thinking" helps -- and harms

    • How to be our best and bravest selves, even when we are terrified and have internalized the shaming messages of others

    No one signs up for anxiety, fear, and shame, but we can’t avoid them either. As we learn to respond to these three key emotions in new ways, we can live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests shows us how.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (12)

    5-0 out of 5 stars brilliant and helpful
    Once again Harriet Lerner brings intelligence and perspective to the tough places in life.....In this book she tackles fear and shame, two of the biggest sources of disconnection and misunderstanding that people struggle with. The mix of useful ideas and inspiring stories contribute to a sense of hope..and it is hope that we desperately need in these dark times...Thank you, Harriet !!!!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Welcome Relief for Our National Angst
    For the last few years, I've been doing research for a book addressed to otherwise healthy people who feel traumatized by the news--that is, people suffering political depression. So I was elated to find not only confirmation of this phenomenon in Harriet Lerner's wonderful book, but also genuinely helpful advice on dealing with it. When a whole culture is distressed, she writes, "it will develop an anxiety disorder all its own." Certainly, newspapers today offer plentiful evidence of national angst. Every sentence in Fear and Other Uninvited Guests resonated...and relieved. Individually and collectively, life is a process, pain is a teacher. I guess it's not merely coincidence that Harriet's last name is Lerner. Reading her, I felt like one too.

    4-0 out of 5 stars Well written and interesting
    Perhaps the easiest way to describe what this book is is to describe what it's not. It's not a step-by-step process that will change your life overnight (something I'm always looking for and failing to find--wonder why?). It's not full of tests for discovering whether fear is crippling you; there are no worksheets, no exercises, no quick fixes of any kind.

    Instead, what this book offers is some insightful analysis into what causes anxiety, fear and shame, howthese uncomfortable "guests" manifest in our lives, and some suggestions for how we might use these sometimes painful emotions for self-discovery and, ultimately, become higher-functioning by learning to reduce or in some cases eliminate fear, anxiety and shame, or co-exist with them.

    As I flew through this well-written, clear, and interesting text, I found myself recognizing situations from my own life, past and present, and from others' lives, and in some cases reaching a new understanding. I can't say the book changed anything about my particular life in any dramatic fashion, but it is interesting reading for anyone who seeks clarity about the craziness going on in his life.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Commonsense meets inspiration and wisdom
    If I had to pick one word to describe this book, I'd say "wise." Lerner avoids two traps of therapist-authors: She doesn't rely on theory and jargon and she doesn't jettison her education to serve up easy-to-swallow formulas. She's not afraid to talk tough and to season her wisdom with humor.

    I love her opening. Cats live in the moment, she says, and goes on to compare the relative advantages of being a cat versus being a human. But then, she concludes, it doesn't matter: if you're reading this book, it's safe to say you're not a cat.

    And unlike many authors, Lerner offers a balance between relationship and work stresses. She describes a powerful but controversial intervention she designed for a young man who feared social rejection. While she reminds us she took into account the young man's non-threatening persona, I'm still amazed he didn't get arrested. The point, however, is well-taken. Action, not insight, creates change.

    I especially appreciate Lerner's advice: "Be able to live without your job." She's right: being free to walk allows you to speak up for your values. And although she doesn't make this point, I've found that when we're free to leave, we usually end up neither having to leave nor wanting to go.

    And, adds Lerner, remember that the workplace is not your family. Organizations exist to ensure their own economic vitality -- i.e, their own survival. "Your work family may treat you in such an insensitive and uncaring manner that it will take your breath away." SO true.

    Dealing with emotion, Lerner is more realistic than most authors. Recognizing unhappiness requires courage, yet unhappiness itself can help us become brave enough to make changes. Anger and suffering can become part of who we are, so letting go leads to a feeling of homesickness.

    All in all, a superb addition to the self-help shelf. Recommended to all.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Wise Woman Speaks Again
    Once again Dr. Harriet Lerner has taken complex psychological dynamics and made them thoroughly comprehensible for the general public. This time Dr. Lerner has tackled fear, anxiety and shame and through numerous examples - both personal and anecdotal of other's experiences - has enabled the reader to feel understood, not pathologized but 'simply human'. Always a pleasure to read, Dr. Lerner brings the wisdom and honesty of a seasoned practitioner translating human emotional life into something at once accessible and instructive. I loved her blend of eastern mindfulness with western psychotherapy techniques.
    As a psychotherapist for nearly 30 years I have heard countless stories of people suffering from shame,anxiety and, increasingly over the last few years, of fear/terror. I will recommend this book to many people, including other colleagues who I'm sure will find it comfoting, inspiring and enormously useful. ... Read more


    3. The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $14.00
    our price: $10.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 006093025X
    Catlog: Book (1999-05-01)
    Publisher: Perennial
    Average Customer Review: 3.69 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    From the celebrated author of The Dance of Anger comes an extraordinary book about mothering and how it transforms us--and all our relationships--inside and out. Written from her dual perspective as a psychologist and a mother, Lerner brings us deeply personal tales that run the gamut from the hilarious to the heart-wrenching. From birth or adoption to the empty nest, The Mother Dance teaches the basic lessons of motherhood: that we are not in control of what happens to our children, that most of what we worry about doesn't happen, and that our children will love us with all our imperfections if we can do the same for them. Here is a gloriously witty and moving book about what it means to dance the mother dance. ... Read more

    Reviews (16)

    4-0 out of 5 stars I've been laughing outloud!
    As a working, mother in the mental health field I was so please to read that Harriet has gone through the same termoils I have. It seems so trivial when I hear her recounts. What a guilt trip we put on ourselves. While reading you feel like she could be sitting in your kitchen talking over a cup of diet soda. I have recommended this book to so many new mothers and older mothers that seem so concerned about doing the "right" thing. Dr. Lerner reminds us there isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to parent.

    Lena Sheffield, M.S.Ed., CAP

    2-0 out of 5 stars Depressing!
    I was looking for some advice on how to move from being career-centered to being family-centered. I did not find anything to help me in Lerner's book. I am not sure what Lerner's motive was in writing this book. Some people should not have children, and I believe Lerner falls into this category. I actually ended up feeling sorry for her about halfway through the book because child rearing (what little she seemed to do) was obviously very painful for her. I could not find one piece of sound advice. The section on nutrition, where Lerner allowed her young boys to shop for and eat whatever they pleased whenever they pleased, was absolutely preposterous. She did not appear to know her children at all. The book seemed like one big apology to them.

    3-0 out of 5 stars Good, except...
    I found this book to be well-written, humorous and honest. The author does a good job discussing some of the various "larger societal forces" that help to shape our choices as women and as mothers. Of particular interest to me was the connection between how we relate to our children and how we related to others in our "first family" or "family of origin." This book covered topics I have not seen discussed in other parenting books - for example, the author discusses "empty-nest-syndrome" and how we are affected by gender roles.

    That all being said, I was turned off by the bleak picture she presented of stay-at-home mothers. I felt she presented this option as something women are "forced" to do, or end up doing because they are on "automatic pilot." The author makes references to how women lose themselves, their power, and their money if they stay at home. And throughout reading this, I couldn't help but ponder the title - "...How Children Change Your Life". It seems rather ironic because I got the feeling the author was hell-bent on NOT changing her life after her children came along.
    If you can get past the negative homemaker/full-time mother references, this book has information that is interesting and helpful and it is also humorous. I do feel, however, that a book that does ALL mothers more justice is Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett's "The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood."

    1-0 out of 5 stars Just one long justification
    Typically, I enjoy non-fiction, anecdotal books about a subject I can relate to--like mothering--but this book feels like one long justification of the mothering style and feelings of the author. She obviously feels guilty about the way she parented her children, and is using this book as the vehicle to help herself feel right about her own choices. There is NO consideration given for mothers who actually do choose to stay at home, would rather raise their children themselves than have someone else do it, and who actually enjoy the time they spend with their children as stay-at-home moms. She acts like these mothers are lying to themselves about their true aspirations. She claims that couples that feature a stay-at-home mom and a primary breadwinner husband are "backsliding" into traditional roles. If you're a working mom who feels guilty about the choices you've made, this book is for you. Otherwise, keep looking.

    2-0 out of 5 stars Not for the stay at home mom
    I was very dissapointed with this book. First of all, this is a book completely biased toward working mothers. Ms Lerner refers to a stay at home in her book as a martyr. She uses this book as a platform for her feminist agenda as SHE sees feminism. The whole book feels like she's trying to work out her guilt over how she mothered. She feels the need to say over and over that we're not responsible for how our children turn out. What on earth does that have to do with the present state of mothering? That is flawed logic. Of course we have a huge stake in how our children turn out. Check it out from the library before you buy it. You'll see what I mean! ... Read more


    4. The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $14.00
    our price: $10.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060924632
    Catlog: Book (1994-02-28)
    Publisher: Quill
    Sales Rank: 58537
    Average Customer Review: 4.12 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    When The Dance of Deception was published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common resonse.

    We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deception unravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth.

    Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty", we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.

    Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork first.

    Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of "being oneself", Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths. ... Read more

    Reviews (8)

    5-0 out of 5 stars Clarity and Courage
    Harriet Lerner has long been writing books that are both insightful and accessible. In 'The Dance of Deception' she has achieved something miraculous: she has written a book that can help you reconnect with estranged family members and friends, improve your rapport with your children, no matter their age, and, perhaps most importantly, help alleviate the pain that deception has caused you in your own life. I have suffered greatly because of family secrets and have also struggled recently to communicate with my loved ones about painful topics. This book has served as an indispensable guide through these difficult processes and has helped me emerge a stronger, happier person. I am greatly indebted to Harriet Lerner. And I firmly believe the world is a better place for having her in it!!

    2-0 out of 5 stars Disappointed
    After reading The Dance of Anger, I was charged with energy to change patterns in relationships that I had fallen into. I thought this book would have a similar effect, because I know that I hide things that seem too painful to discuss. However, I couldn't get into it because it seemed more of a political agenda than a guide to improving relationships. What on earth does the author's stance on abortions (very pro-choice) have to do with deception in personal relationships? I haven't gotten much constructive self-knowledge out of this book.

    4-0 out of 5 stars A little circular, yes. But somewhat helpful.
    Wow. I consider myself to be a truthful, honest person. I hate liars and hypocrites more than I hate anything else in the world. So I had to take a really deep breath and really THINK when I finally woke up to the idea that truth and honesty are not always what they should be. I took a good, long, ugly look at myself and realized that I use truth as a weapon, rather than as a tool. I am not always honest with people because I want to create a better relationship. I am sometimes honest just to be hurtful, to shock people, or to get attention away from whoever is monopolizing the conversation at the moment. Hm. Ugly!

    The problematic relationship (s) in my life are like cans. I can pick up a big ol' truth-sledgehammer and knock the heck out of that can, or I can use truth gently, like a can opener and let that can open up and get to what's inside.

    One option gives me the satisfaction of 'letting so and so have it' because I'm darn tired of biting my tongue and pretending that things are OK when they're NOT. And the other option lets me be honest, but gives the other person (the can) the chance of telling truth back to me, too.

    The feminist rhetoric falls short, as it always does with me. If you don't want to hang out in the kitchen and pop out babies, for heaven's sake, DON'T. But don't blame men if that's what you decide to do with your life and then change your mind later. Don't you think men change their minds about wanting to be married daddies sometimes, too? There is too much blaming going on. People need to own their lives. If you know your situation is messed up, you know enough to change it.

    Also, the whole thing about minorities and tokens rings very false when Lerner presents the statistic in her final chapter that women actually outnumber men in the world. So, hello? How can we consider to whine and consider ourselves a token or a minority when we are numerically superior? I don't really get that at all.

    Anyway. 4 stars. It's an eye-opener!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Terrific book
    I think this is Harriet Lerner's best book. I has the clearest and most helpful chapter on family secrets that I've ever read. The chapter called "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Orifice" is worth the price of the book. The chapter on affairs, even though controversial, should be helpful to all couples, especially if you think your partner will never cheat on you.

    5-0 out of 5 stars How to get courage!
    I couldn't stop reading this book. It gave me the courage to speak out to my family about a lot of difficult issues and to do it in a way that really worked. I love the author's honesty and how clear she is about very complicated questions of speaking out or being silent. ... Read more


    5. Harriet Lerner on Intimacy: How to Create a Remarkable Relationship
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $10.95
    our price: $8.21
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1564553310
    Catlog: Book (1995-12-01)
    Publisher: Sounds True
    Sales Rank: 160858
    Average Customer Review: 4 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Perhaps nothing is more important in our lives than enhancing relationships with our friends, lovers, and family. Yet at some point, it seems that even the healthiest relationships get stuck and resist our efforts to "fix" them. In this revealing and provocative session, psychologist Harriet Lerner confronts cherished myths about women and intimacy, and breaks new ground for every listener seeking the deeper truth about intimate relationships. This heart-to-heart session takes a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged – by emotional distancing or by too much intensity – and offers practical ideas for overcoming these primary obstacles. Enriched with many real-life examples from Dr. Lerner’s work with women and their families. ... Read more

    Reviews (1)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Great if you're stuck!
    This audiocassette helped me realize that conflict in relationships is normal, and that every relationship goes through bad times. It's geared toward heterosexual relationships which I didn't like in the beginning but the content when she does get to the meat of it is worth it!

    It helps you step outside yourself, see what's going on and what outside influences are present that we are not even aware of. It gives you hope when you think all there is are arguments and malicious intent from your partner. When it's really connected to everything and is changeable!

    Perfect for my time of doubt. ... Read more


    6. Life Preservers: Good Advice When You Need It Most
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $13.50
    our price: $10.13
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060928352
    Catlog: Book (1997-05-07)
    Publisher: Perennial Currents
    Sales Rank: 308844
    Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    With wit, wisdom and uncommon sense, Dr. Harriet Lerner gives readers the tools to solve problems and create joy, meaning and integrity in their relationships. Women will find Life Preservers (more than 40,000 copies sold in hardcover) to be an invaluable motivational guide that covers the landscape of work and creativity, anger and intimacy, friendship and marriage, children and parents, loss and betrayal, sexuality and health and much more.

    With new insights and a results-oriented approach, Dr. Lerner answers women's most frequently asked questions and offers the best advice for problems women face today:

    I always pick the wrong guys.
    Should I move in with him?
    I can't stand my boss.
    Should I leave my marriage?
    How can I recover from his affair?
    Is my fantasy abnormal?
    Is my therapy working?
    I miss my mother.
    I can't believe I was fired. ... Read more

    Reviews (4)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Dear Abby with credentials
    I found this book to be quite powerful in a very subtle way. Having grown up reading Dear Abby and Ann Landers as my main source of adult advice, I was quite pleased with the Advice Column Format. Actually, this book is a compilation of published and unpublished letters written to Dr. Lerner for the advice column she writes for New Woman magazine. I was impressed with the range of topics and problems that were addressed in this book. Harriet Lerner's advice is open minded yet firm; additionally she is not averse to sharing her own experiences. Since I tend to be so limited in time, I found this book to be a great "meal companion". While spooning down some cereal or grabbing a quick sandwich, this book provided the ideal "dessert". This is the first book I have read by Harriet Lerner and I am now anxious to start the Dance books.

    4-0 out of 5 stars Very helpful
    This is a well-written book with terrific advice. Although I believe no one can solve serious issues by reading a book alone, this is a good start to understanding problems many people encounter.
    Not a replacing for therapy, but a good guide for many.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Therapist on call
    I became a big fan of Dr. Lerner after reading the The Dance of Anger. This book is different from her other books because it's in a question and answer format. I thought I wouldn't like this format, but I was wrong. Her advice is so amazingly strong and helpful. She answers so many questions and problems that I've talked about with my therapist, or that I haven't had the nerve to share with friends. I loved the section "Women at Work," because work has been a painful place for me, and I can't think of another book that offers so much help about dealing with an impossible boss or gossipy co-worker. You can't get better advice than this and it's a fun read.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Great Advice
    I keep this book in my bathroom and that's a high compliment. I never have time to sit down and finish a whole book, but this one is a feast of great advice that you can read every time you have a few minutes in between whatever else you're doing. There is so much wisdom packed in this book, and the way it's organized makes it very user-friendly. Having this book around is sort of like having a best friend or therapist on call. Some of the questions you've heard before "Should I stay or leave?" "Is my husband having an affair" "My friend is dating a jerk" "Is my fantasy normal?" "I can't stand my supervisor." But Lerners answers are unique and she's great at being serious and funny at the same time. Best of all, she tells you specifically what to do when you're hurting or in pain or don't know how to solve a problem. This book is such a gem although I wouldn't recommend it for men, just cause it's geered 100% to women. ... Read more


    7. The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $24.00
    our price: $16.32
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0694525456
    Catlog: Book (2001-09-01)
    Publisher: HarperAudio
    Sales Rank: 58615
    Average Customer Review: 4.75 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    In this profound new audio, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger teaches us how to "find our voice" with the people who matter the most. With wit and wisdom, Harriet Lerner shows us how to "set things right" and heal the most painful disconnections, tackling the most difficult problems we face with the people who hurt us.

    Whether you're dealing with a partner, a parent or best friend, Lerner shows us how to speak with honor and personal integrity even when the other person behaves badly. This is a heartfelt audio full of useful anecdotes and wisdom that will change the way you feel about yourself and dramatically enhance all of your important relationships. Our capacity for creativity, wisdom, and joy depends on connecting well with the key people in our lives. Lerner teaches us how to navigate our most difficult relationships with integrity, courage, and joyous conviction.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (8)

    5-0 out of 5 stars AFFIRMING AND LIFE CHANGING
    I'm a therapist, and like therapists around the country I recommend Lerner's books to my clients, especially THE DANCE OF ANGER. To be honest, I thought she had said it all. But to my surprise, she really outdid herself in this book. No one can afford to miss this one. Her writing is witty, engaging and her advice is solid and clear as a bell. She teaches us how to talk to the most difficult people in the most difficult situations, like when we are betrayed, rejected, insulted, or cut-off. This book offers help when we can't figure out whether to stay or leave a relationship, when we can't make ourselves heard, or when a partner or family member can't or won't apologize. It's a book to read slowly and savor, because it will change your life. Or you might just zip through it because you can't put it down.

    5-0 out of 5 stars THE BEST "DANCE" BOOK YET!
    "I've read all of Harriet Lerner's books starting with The Dance of Anger which has been my relationship bible. But The Dance of Connection is her best book yet. Lerner is wise and helpful, funny and real. The chapters that meant the most to me was one on clarifying a bottom line and another about "voicing the ultimate" in marriage. I finally got the difference between complaining and being able to take a clear position with my husband--and stay with it. Together with the chapter on warming things up, this book has already made a huge difference in my marriage. I was also fascinated by the author's revealing story about her dad's silence and how it effected the family. There's terrific advice on how to "find your voice"--and what to do and say--when you are rejected and cut off by a family member.

    3-0 out of 5 stars Cannot rate because...although "good idea"...
    And of course I believe everyone can benefit by learning "emotional intellectualism" and how to "fight fair"--just for their own personal evolution, etc. --However, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from someone who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way--and all you want to say is "ouch, please don't do "x" cause it hurts me"--only to find that no amount of logic, love, communication and/or caring can make that other human care and/or reciprocrate--or even listen to one for that matter--but the worst is when this even includes ones' closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you're attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year old) college educated, professional, so-called "successful" brothers.

    But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me.

    Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be)

    Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...

    5-0 out of 5 stars Helped me a lot!
    A wonderful book, which I just read over the weekend. I was looking for something which would help me deal with a relationship which was basically ending because of my "overreactions" to my partner's interractions with other women, which I perceived as too intimate (and I didn't believe he was honest in his motivations).
    I wish I had read this book earlier - I may have approached the whole situation differently, and possibly even have saved the relationship (too late for that now). But at least it helped me feel that I wasn't crazy, possessive, or jealous - I've hated that I've been behaving that way, not me at all - but that my feeling of being threatened was perfectly valid.
    I keep the book by my bed, and re-read certain parts when those thoughts that maybe I was the one that "destroyed" the relationship are trying to surface and keep me awake!
    Thanks Harriet. I plan to read your other Dance of books!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Very helpful and user-friendly.
    As a therapist, I am sensitive to the issue of my clients finding their voices and speaking their truths. Dr. Lerner has given an elegant little textbook that nicely illustrates my points. I have prescribed this book many times to clients, and also suggested it to friends and family. ... Read more


    8. The Dance of Intimacy CD : A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $22.00
    our price: $14.96
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060726547
    Catlog: Book (2004-05-01)
    Publisher: HarperAudio
    Sales Rank: 174016
    Average Customer Review: 4.18 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    The Dance of Intimacy takes a careful look at relationships where intimacy is most challenged by too much emotional distance, too much intensity, or simply too much pain. In clear, direct and dramatic terms, Dr. Lerner illustrates how we can move differently in these relationships -- be they with a distant or unfaithful spouse, a depressed sister, a difficult mother, an alcoholic father, an uncommitted lover, a dying parent, or an estranged family member.And she teaches us about "the differences that make a difference" -- the changes we can make in one or two significant relationships that will affect our capacity for intimacy and selfhood for a lifetime.

    The Dance of Intimacy offers no "quick fix" for the human dilemma that we all confront. Instead, Dr. Lerner offers us the most solid, respectful, and helpful insights on intimate relationships that both men and women may ever encounter. Picking up where the best-selling The Dance of Anger left off, Dr. Lerner redefines the meaning of intimacy for today, and shows how good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones healed.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (17)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Not just for women, men should read this too!
    Not just for women

    I was recommended Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Intimacy" from a friend and am so glad I read it. It was well crafted and enlightening to me and did not trivialize the problems of complex relationships as some self-help books tend to do. As a man though, I feel the book dates itself with feminist bias and generalizations towards men that do not contribute to the theme of the book - that of working through complex obstacles to intimacy in key relationships.

    I almost stopped reading the book on the very first chapter because of statements like "...women do far better alone than do their male counterparts and do not benefit as much from marriage. Yet men often seem oddly unconcerned about improving or changing a relationship once they have one." I grant some people feel that way, but it was an attitude that might alienate some readers who would clearly benefit from this book. I am very glad I continued reading because the author does an excellent job of relating real life experiences of those with challenging obstacles to intimacy and how they courageously overcame them. There were times were I honestly had a "wow - it makes perfect sense" moments while reading this. The author's logic is well articulated and engaging. I especially appreciate how the author does not condescend the reader or oversimplify the case studies - they are real, relatable, and very challenging. Some of the suggestions from Lerner are difficult to apply but the author makes a convincing argument why these suggestions must be heeded for someone to successfully navigate the intimacy obstacles they might face.

    I believe that men can and will get a lot out of this book, but it needs to be updated to post-feminist and less gender specific. All of the case studies in the book were relatable I believe to all people, not just women and I would frankly love for more men to read this. It is a pity more books of this type aren't gender neutral or at least written towards men because challenges with intimacy is not just something for women alone to deal with.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Lightbulb Moments
    I had always told myself that I would never read a self-help book, but then my therapist recommended that I read "The Dance of Intimacy." I had been having trouble in my relationship and this book helped me tremendously in understanding myself and my boyfriend. I connected completely with Lerner's assessments of the people she wrote about and their relationships. Throughout reading this book, I had several significant "lightbulb moments." I identified with the situations in the book and although my problems have not been solved overnight, I am gaining a better understanding of what I have to do to be happier with my relationship.

    5-0 out of 5 stars A milestone book
    I think this is a remarkable book - a 'milestone' book for me. Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behaviour, the impact of families, and the past. She will introduce you to triangles and the impact of past traumas in your family tree. In my opinion this is not 'another self-help book', it stands apart from other popular psych titles. Two other thoughts: First, Lerner positions this book for women, but in fact it is general and should be read by all. Second: I suggest reading this book slowly, eg half an hour a day, and digesting inwardly.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Great book!!
    I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all of our relationships. Several years have passed since then, but thank goodness I bought it, as I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did! I would not hesitate to pick up any of her books, after reading this one.

    3-0 out of 5 stars Needs more focus on abusive relationships
    Most of the book is very helpful and compassionately explores how to connect better with the people who can not only push your buttons, but made them in the first place.

    However, I was extremely disappointed with the chapter on mother-daughter relationships. Lerner writes, "Our mothers have ... lived with impossible and crippling expectations about their role." Well, my mother physically abused me. I hardly think that my anger at her "stems naturally from a society which assigns mothers the primary responsibility for all family problems." I had read this chapter hoping to get more insight into how to set limits - physical, verbal, and emotional - and instead I learn that really, I just need to understand her better. I've tried to figure her out my whole life!

    There are two case studies on inappropriate family behavior that I found helpful, one on an alcoholic father and one on brother-sister incest. I notice though that both of the these studies focus on *men* mistreating *women*, because that fits into the author's ideology (let me stress also that I'm a strong feminist, but that doesn't change the power dynamics in my family).

    I also think that there should be some acknowledgement of how damaging abuse is to the child, even in adulthood, and how hard it can be to hold onto that when faced with your abuser. It took me years of therapy before I could see that no, it's not appropriate for a mother to rip her daughter's shirt off and kick her out of the house because the mother had a bad day at work. While there are bits and pieces that acknowledge abuse and the importance of self-protection, it's not enough overall. ... Read more


    9. What's So Terrible About Swallowing an Apple Seed? (Harper Trophy Books (Paperback))
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $6.99
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0064438163
    Catlog: Book (2001-05-01)
    Publisher: HarperTrophy
    Sales Rank: 695693
    Average Customer Review: 3 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    When Rosie accidentally swallows an apple seed, her big sister Katie tells her that before long apple tree branches will bloom right out of her ears. Soon Rosie is imagining both the hazards and delights of having branches growing from her ears, and Katie is learning how fast a little white lie can grow. Written by bestselling author and psychologist, Harriet Lerner, and her big sister, Susan Goldhor, with delightfully funny illustrations by Catharine O'Neill, this is a special story about straying from the truth, forgiveness, and the boundless powers of a child's imagination.

    1996 ‘Pick of the Lists' (ABA)

    Children's Choice Award winner for 2002.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (2)

    1-0 out of 5 stars Only thing going for it was the pictures.
    I saw this title recently and thought oh this should be fun so read it to my four year old daughter. She lost interest way before the end - as did I! What had the potential to be quite a funny story turned into such a tedious melodrama. Lerner was so heavy handed and clumsy with her moralising on the older sister's lying. Again, it had the potential to really show children how a joke can be taken too far and cause hurt and anxiety - but the story lost it's way and I agree with Kirkus - the sister was very flippant and unrepentant. There was no understanding depicted and the story finished in a confused and messy way. Boring!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Forget Kirkus Review - My grandson loved this book
    I recently bought this book for my 5 year old grandson and he loved it. I think most children will love this book precisely because in its own whimsical way it is true to life. It tells a story about exactly the kind of thing that older children actually do - or at least wish to do - to their younger sisters and brothers. When Katie swallows an apple seed, Rosie, the older sister, makes up a 'worst case scenario' for younger sister Katie. Kids understand this all too well and appreciate the ridiculous potential. The people at Kirkus Review should lighten up, and remember what its like to actually be a kid. ... Read more


    10. Harriet Lerner on Mothers & Daughters: Breaking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $10.95
    our price: $8.21
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1564553299
    Catlog: Book (1997-03-01)
    Publisher: Sounds True
    Sales Rank: 335768
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    Book Description

    It is within the crucible of the mother-daughter relationship that a woman’s most basic human conundrum is resolved: how to connect with others while retaining her self-identity. Yet many women give up trying to communicate honestly with their mothers.Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters is a personal conversation for every woman who seeks to better understand the mystery of the mother-daughter bond. Before a woman is anything else, she is a daughter. Her relationship with her mother anchors all other relationships in her life. With an intriguing grasp of human dynamics, Dr. Lerner illustrates how intense family and social pressures sabotage mother-daughter dialog. Instead of condemning our mothers for disappointing us, Dr. Lerner teaches, we can develop a genuine appreciation of our differences. Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters is this esteemed psychologist’s most complete work on the central relationship in the emotional lives of women.

    LEARN MORE ABOUT:
    The primal relationship n How society de-values motherhood n "Matrophobia" n Undoing your role in family triangles n Overcoming mother-guilt n Many examples and case histories n Connecting with your mother’s history n Much more ... Read more


    11. Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird in Your Hair!
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $5.99
    our price: $5.39
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060517859
    Catlog: Book (2003-05-01)
    Publisher: HarperTrophy
    Sales Rank: 476099
    Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Franny B. Kranny loved her long frizzy hair.

    The longer and frizzier it got, the more she liked it!

    ... Read more

    Reviews (10)

    5-0 out of 5 stars My kid's favorite book!!!
    Franny B. Kranny with her wild frizzy hair will win the heart of any reader, adult or child! It's my daughter's favorite book. There's also an extra surprise you have to catch on the inside of the back cover. Helen Oxenbury's illustrations are brilliant!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Franny B. Kranny
    This is an EXCELENT book! Anyone who has suffered, like me, with frizzy hair should read this - it will definitely make you smile. My mother brought it home to take to her library, and I ended up getting ahold of it and reading it. Franny B. Kranny is a great little girl and Harriet Lerner is a very cool lady! :)

    5-0 out of 5 stars wonderful girl, great hair
    this is a favorite with my class of 3-5 year olds. They like the idea of a bird making a nest in Franny's hair and I like the relatioinships between family members, the independent attitude of Franny and the choices she makes. Please consider adding this to your library and reading it often. It is a gem.

    5-0 out of 5 stars It's ME!
    I LOVE this book! It was given to me as a book and this book is just like me! I have curly, red, thick hair! It's great! I love it!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Dare to be Different
    Franny B Kranny loved her long red frizzy hair even if it was always getting stuck in things and causing trouble. So when her mother drags her to the hairdresser before a family reunion, she isn't happy. The hairdresser does his best to pin it up and make it look neat, while Franny schemes to undo his work as soon as she's out of the chair. But as she leaves the salon, a bird lands on her head, snuggles down in her hair and calls it home. Her family is appalled, but Franny is thrilled and very careful not to disturb the bird even sleeping upright in a chair. The next day at the reunion, Franny's family is so embarrassed they keep their distance. But the rest of her relatives are fascinated and Franny soon becomes the center of attention. Pretty soon, her family comes around and agrees that she has the most wonderful head of hair and should never cut it. And that's when Franny surprises everyone..... The dynamic team of Harriet Lerner and Susan Goldhor have written a marvelous story about an individual who dares to be different and really knows her own mind. Their charming, witty text is complemented by Helen Oxenbury's bright, expressive and humorous illustrations that really captures the essence of strong willed Franny and the rest of her unusual family. Both children and adults will be laughing out loud at the antics of this wonderful little girl. Perfect for youngsters 4-8, Franny B Kranny, There's a Bird in your Hair is a treasure and a book kids want to read again and again. ... Read more


    12. Harriet Lerner on Anger: Where Your Anger Comes from and How to Transform It
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $10.95
    our price: $8.21
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1564553272
    Catlog: Book (1995-12-01)
    Publisher: Sounds True
    Sales Rank: 228661
    Average Customer Review: 1 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Harriet Lerner on Anger –How women can reclaim anger as a vital, life-changing force while constructively resolving life issues – from the pioneer who literally wrote the book on this much-misunderstood subject. ... Read more

    Reviews (1)

    1-0 out of 5 stars Verrrry Slooowwww...
    This audio tape left me feeling like I just read a lengthy book jacket. Actually it was like listening to a seminar that was good, but 30 minutes too long. There was just enough meat in it to kindle my interest and show that the author/speaker does have some interesting insights but it dragged on and on so that by the end I felt I'd wasted 90 minutes that would have been better spent listening to an audiotape of a real book, not just a "presentation" on a topic.

    If you are looking for a "Cliff's Notes" on Anger with just 3 interesting facts (how anger is affected by being a woman, by ethnicity and by birth order) and a last minute run-though of 12 steps to dealing with anger, buy this. (And I mean "last-minute," at the very end of the tape she reviews a quick list of tips -- you'd find more depth in a women's magazine.)

    Also I found the author as speaker very tedious. Too much use of those dramatic psychological pauses, stringing about 3 words together at a time. ... Read more


    13. Ser Madre: Empezar Una Nueva Vida
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $22.20
    our price: $22.20
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 8449308305
    Catlog: Book (2000-05)
    Publisher: Ediciones Paidos Iberica
    Sales Rank: 2691779
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    14. The Dance of Intimacy: A Women's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
    by Harriet Lerner

    Asin: 004440865X
    Catlog: Book (1992-11-19)
    Publisher: Rivers Oram Press
    Sales Rank: 1259924
    US | Canada | United Kingdom | Germany | France | Japan

    15. Respuestas para mantenerse a flote
    by Harriet Lerner
    list price: $27.10
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 8449305772
    Catlog: Book (1998)
    Publisher: Paidos Argentina
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