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    $16.29 list($23.95)
    1. Down Came the Rain : My Journey
    $7.19 $3.44 list($7.99)
    2. How To Win Friends And Influence
    $11.16 $8.27 list($13.95)
    3. Codependent No More: How to Stop
    $11.86 $10.44 list($16.95)
    4. Crucial Conversations: Tools for
    $15.64 $14.29 list($23.00)
    5. The Likeability Factor : How to
    $16.47 $13.72 list($24.95)
    6. The Proper Care and Feeding of
    $10.46 $8.25 list($13.95)
    7. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
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    8. The Seven Principles for Making
    $10.50 $6.19 list($14.00)
    9. Difficult Conversations: How to
    $11.97 $5.00 list($19.95)
    10. He's Just Not That Into You :
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    11. The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden
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    12. The Five Love Languages: Five
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    13. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
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    14. Motivational Interviewing, Second
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    15. The Relationship Rescue Workbook
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    16. The Friend Who Got Away : Twenty
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    17. The Verbally Abusive Relationship:
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    18. After the Affair: Healing the
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    19. Developing Talents: Careers for
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    20. Whale Done! : The Power of Positive

    1. Down Came the Rain : My Journey Through Postpartum Depression
    by Brooke Shields
    list price: $23.95
    our price: $16.29
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1401301894
    Catlog: Book (2005-05-03)
    Publisher: Hyperion
    Sales Rank: 612967
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    Book Description

    In this compelling memoir, Brooke Shields talks candidly about her experience with postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter, and provides millions of women with an inspiring example of recovery.

    When Brooke Shields welcomed her newborn daughter, Rowan Francis, into the world, something unexpected followed-a crippling depression. Now, for the first time ever, in Down Came the Rain, Brooke talks about the trials, tribulations, and finally the triumphs that occurred before, during, and after the birth of her daughter.

    In what is sure to strike a chord with the millions of women who suffer from depression after childbirth, America's sweetheart Brooke Shields shares how she, too, battled this debilitating condition that is widely misunderstood, despite the fact that it affects many new mothers. She discusses the illness in the context of her life, including her struggle to get pregnant, the high expectations she had for herself and that others placed on her as a new mom, and the role of her husband, friends, and family as she struggled to attain her maternal footing in the midst of a disabling depression. And, ultimately, Brooke shares how she found a way out through talk therapy, medication, and time.

    Exhibiting an informed voice and a self-deprecating sense of humor, this first memoir from a woman who has grown up before the eyes of the world is certain to attract the attention and empathy of many new mothers and fans alike. ... Read more

    2. How To Win Friends And Influence People
    by Dale Carnegie
    list price: $7.99
    our price: $7.19
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0671723650
    Catlog: Book (1990-02-15)
    Publisher: Pocket
    Sales Rank: 291
    Average Customer Review: 4.63 out of 5 stars
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    This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. --Joan Price ... Read more

    Reviews (332)

    5-0 out of 5 stars principles stand the test of time
    First published in 1937, this book is the result of 15 years of Dale Carnegie's research in human relations. When learned and applied, these 30 timeless principles will help you become more likable and influential in others' lives.

    Millions of copies of this book have sold because the principles are basic and proven. Sure, some of the language is dated. Many of the characters and companies mentioned in these pages are no longer household names. Look beyond those quirks and you will find some of the most memorable and applicable people skills material ever produced.

    With simple presentation and vivid examples, Carnegie deftly walks us through Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, Six Ways to Make People Like You, How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.

    When material is this old and this good, it could sometimes be considered trite and nothing more than common knowledge. Don't fall into that trap. Until its principles become common practice in our lives, this book is just as necessary and effective today as it was more than six decades ago.

    Larry Hehn, author of Get the Prize: Nine Keys for a Life of Victory

    5-0 out of 5 stars The very best in self-help books!
    What can't I say about this book?! I first read How to Win Friends and Influence People five years ago. I have made it practice to read it at least once a year now in the hopes that some day I may actually assimilate the incredible wealth of material included in the pages. Listen, there are a ton of self-help and motivational books out there, but this one isn't like all the rest: it is the forefather to all of them! I have to be honest when I say that this book has had a profound impact on my life and my way of thinking. It is timeless, priceless, and seems to get better with age. I hold no reservation or hesitation in recommending that you not only put one of these on your shelf, but that you read it over, and over, and over again.

    Reviewed by: James L. Clark, MBA, MSc., PhD Candidate (Leadership) is a serial entrepreneur, lecturer, and consultant. He is the author of the book Wading Through the Crap: How to Start Living the Successful Life You Have Always Wanted (ISBN 0972697551) that has received rave review.

    5-0 out of 5 stars 10 stars for this one!
    When it comes to social skills, this book says it all. No need to look any further than this classic. To learn emotional and mental mastery and making the most of any situation, then Optimal Thinking: How To Be Your Best Self is your best choice. To learn how to deal with change, read Who Moved My Cheese. These resources give you all you need to be your best, get along with others and bring out the best from them.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Compelling book on developing social skills
    If youwere to buy just 1 book of how to acquire people skills, How To Win Friends and Influence People should be that 1 book. This book is great. Written over 70 years ago, all of the principles still apply. Definitely add this one to your library, but more importantly, use it.

    4-0 out of 5 stars Timeless Advice
    His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it's so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it's human nature: Do Unto Others ...


    • "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
    People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.

    • Say "Thank You".
    Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

    • Talk about what people want and help them get it.
    "Arouse in others an eager want."
    Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.


    • Be happy to see people.
    Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

    • Smile!

    • Remembers peoples' names!!
    Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.

    • Draw people out.
    Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

    • Actively research the other person's interests.

    • Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
    Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.


    • Don't argue!
    Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.

    • Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
    They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

    • If you know you're wrong, admit it.
    Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.

    • Friendliness begets friendliness.
    Always begin that way. Don't accuse.

    • Never neglect a kindness.
    Look for ways to do or say something nice.

    • Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
    When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.

    • Let the other person do most of the talking.
    Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

    • Let people come to your conclusions.
    First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

    • Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
    Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.

    • ¾ of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
    Give it to them and they will love you.

    • A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

    • Dramatize your ideas.
    "Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.

    • Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).


    • Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.

    • Change "but" into "and".
    Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

    • Ask questions rather than giving orders.

    • Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

    • People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

    • Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
    Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

    • Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
    Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

    • Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon. ... Read more

    3. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
    by Melody Beattie
    list price: $13.95
    our price: $11.16
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0894864025
    Catlog: Book (1996-07-01)
    Publisher: Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services
    Sales Rank: 681
    Average Customer Review: 4.68 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    recovery has begun for millions of individuals with this straightforward guide.through personal examples and exercises, readers are shown how controlling others forces them to lose sight of their own needs and happiness. ... Read more

    Reviews (76)

    As a counsellor with thirty years experience, I can assure you that, contrary to what at least one other reviewer has indicated, loving yourself is NOT easy for everyone. If life was that simple, counsellor's case loads would be much lighter and the world a much happier place.

    This book is an excellent starting point and great self-help book for those who are codependent. It is not simply a matter of "starting to love yourself," but a matter of going back through the years, generally to the formative years of childhood, and discovering why you have developed the need to be codependent. In other words, it helps to know where you came from before mapping a route to where you are going. I did find the book made considerable reference to drug and alcohol addiction. While that is a major form of codependency, it is not the only form, but others received less priority. For that reason, the book lost a star in the rating. "Codependent No More" is written in an honest, straight-forward manner; therefore, if it evokes anger or negativism in the reader, it is likely because the reader sees at least a partial reflection of themself in the book.

    Like any self-help book, the advice given only works if the individual is prepared to make long-term changes and has the commitment to work at the root of the problem. For those who are codependent to a minor degree, this book provides helpful insight on how to deal with the problem; however, if the problem is a more serious one, opting for professional counselling is likely still the best course of action. Often old habits are difficult to change on one's own. Freeing yourself from the chains of codependency can result in newfound freedom, peace of mind and a happier, less stressful lifestyle. I do recommend this book for the valuable information it contains.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Looking for how to change? Get this book.
    Many books have been written on growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise destructive house. While it is important as a first step to know how some of our bad habits and attitudes get developed (the "why"), it is CRITICAL to know the "how": how can we recognize them in ourselves, to challenge our faulty thinking, to implement healthy strategies for interacting with others (and ourselves). This book is fantastic in the whys and the hows. I suspect many of you who read it will say things out loud as you read as I did, such as "Yes!", "So true!", etc. when you see yourself in the descriptions she gives. I was so impressed with this book, immediately after I finished it I ordered "The Language of Letting Go": daily readings to help stay on the right track. I have gone to counseling, read books on cognitive therapy and several other self-help books, but this book is by far the most helpful. I finally GET IT: I didn't know I was codependent. This book helped me diagnose it, then provided prescriptions to facilitate recovery. Ready to change? Get this book.

    5-0 out of 5 stars The Real McCoy
    This is the one that started it all and changed the way we communicate, act and treat co-dependent relationships. The book was a breakthrough when it first came out, and it is still an invaluable resource and guidebook. Extremely helpful

    5-0 out of 5 stars Beattie is a Recovery Beauty!!
    This author is one of the most honest, insightful, and thoughtful writers in the world of recovery. I own a copy of each of her books. You are encouraged and blessed with each chapter. I refer to her codependency books frequently to remind myself what getting better is all about. Thanks, Melody!

    3-0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth a Read
    I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won't say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me. ... Read more

    4. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
    by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Stephen R. Covey
    list price: $16.95
    our price: $11.86
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0071401946
    Catlog: Book (2002-06-18)
    Publisher: McGraw-Hill
    Sales Rank: 797
    Average Customer Review: 4.46 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    "Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics

    A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill

    "Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (48)

    5-0 out of 5 stars Outstanding tool that gets results!
    As a coach to both individuals and groups, I see the very costly problems in the workplace that result from the important conversations that are not occurring because they are too hard or scary. The cost includes harm to relationships, careers and the bottom line. Both executives and high performance teams have been derailed by not addressing the dead elephants in the room. Crucial Conversations is absolutely the best book on the subject of difficult and critical communication. The book is very well organized, presenting clear steps to create an environment in which the hard conversation can happen. There are so many tools in this book that if it were not so well organized and presented in stages, the reader would be overwhelmed. The authors handle this very well - you can tell there was experience and expertise in adult learning informing the structure of the book. Why my clients and I become so excited about the book is its immediate results. You can start using the concepts and skills before you have finished the book! The foundations of making the environment safe - even for someone you may not like or respect is particularly effective. I have been very pleased with the results I have experienced - as well as my clients. Every leader should have this book on their bookshelf!

    A bonus to readers is the continued support from the authors on their website described in the book. There is a wealth of additional information, interactive reviews, assessments and even video vignettes that illustrate the learning points with relevance and humor. For those truly smitten, there are training courses available to assist in obtaining personal mastery or even to teach the material if desired. I recommend this book and Primal Leadership to top-level executives in the federal government and private sector. I, and they, have never been disappointed at the difference it has made. Enjoy!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Crucial Conversations - Crucial Results
    I have read Crucial Conversations cover to cover 4 times now. The results in my business and my marriage have been amazing. The book is well written and easy to understand. It teaches step by step skills to help you master the content. Before reading this book, I thought influential people possessed a natural ability to effectively handle conflict. After reading the book, I now realize that there are specific skill sets that anyone can learn (and master) to effectively deal with these "High Stake," "Strong Emotions," and "Opposing Opinion" conversations.

    My confidence and productivity has increased in every area of my life (My business has increased by 30%-50% since I read the book the first time) and I am now effectively handling conversations with my wife that once caused constant upset.

    I would recommend this book for anyone 1) wanting increased results and 2) willing to have a profound breakthrough in how they communicate. It has made a profound difference for me.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Packed With Knowledge!
    Wanna argue? Nope. Then you need Kerry Patterson and his co-writers, who describe techniques for effective negotiation and conflict resolution in the context of important, potentially life-changing conversations. Examples include talking yourself into a promotion, bringing up important information at meetings and working out problems with your spouse. Some tips will sound familiar, such as knowing what you really want and being open to alternatives. However, the book also highlights some themes that are often forgotten in negotiations, such as making it safe for others to express their true feelings and desires. The authors explain how to avoid getting forced into false either-or choices and tell you how to remain alert for unstated alternatives or possibilities. This lively book includes many examples drawn from business and personal relationships. We recommend it in particular to those are new to negotiations and conflict resolution, though it teaches solid skills that any manager - or any marriage partner, for that matter - could benefit from mastering.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Excellent content, illustrated with clear diagrams
    I bought this book after I heard Dr. Glickman, the author of Optimal Thinking-How To Be Your Best Self, recommend it during an Optimal Thinking seminar. When I read that Dr. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, recommended this book too I knew that this was going to be a life-changing book for me. I was right. This book has given me a formula for handling myself and others correctly during tough interactions. I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes yelled and degraded people when I did not get what I wanted from them. Now I use optimal thinking to put my best self in charge, start with heart, look for safety problems, make it safe, retrace my path, and take the other steps recommended in this book. The steps are simple and clear. I am not perfect at them yet, and might never be, but I have already come a long way. You can't go wrong with this book, so press the "Buy" button right now, and if you want to optimize your effectiveness in all areas of life, buy the other books I mentioned.

    2-0 out of 5 stars Very basic common sense!
    I was lead to believe there would be some ground beaking information in this book but it's really just common sense. I think everyone knows, when they're thinking straight, that just being true to yourself, honest, and respectfull of other people while holding to your point of view is the only way to truly get things done. And this is basically all this book says. ... Read more

    5. The Likeability Factor : How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams
    list price: $23.00
    our price: $15.64
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1400080495
    Catlog: Book (2005-04-05)
    Publisher: Crown
    Sales Rank: 1111
    Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars
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    Reviews (8)

    5-0 out of 5 stars One of the best business/self-improvement books I've read
    C R A C K . . . That's the sound of Tim hitting it out of the park again!

    I'm a huge fan of Tim's first book, Love is the Killer App, and couldn't wait to get my hands on the Likeability Factor.There aren't many non-fiction business or self-improvement books I haven't read, and I'm always a little skeptical.If I can get one new idea or strategy from a book it's worth it for me to read it.Well, having read the Likeability Factor, I can tell you there are tons of new ideas I'm taking away.

    The premise is deceptively simple . . . the more people like you the more successful you will be in business and in relationships.The real genius is Tim's thorough breakdown of the different components that make up "likeability."Rather than approach it like a textbook, he gives insightful real-world examples and stories.

    Chapter Six is an absolute goldmine and worth a hundred times the cost of the book.Tim shows you step-by-step how to become more likeable.I loved the "My Personal History" exercise.

    I can't wait to read whatever Tim's working on next!

    4-0 out of 5 stars A Solid Follow-Up
    "The Likeability Factor" is a solid follow-up to Tim Sanders' "Love Is The Killer App," which is one of my all-time favorite business books.

    While Tim's first book provides a great philosophical context for living your business life, "The L-Factor" provides you with advice for becoming more self-aware inside and outside the workplace.

    Loaded with data and how-to advice, this quick-and-easy read will first convince you that nice people can indeed finish first and then give you some practical exercises for improving your likability.

    But be warned: Don't try this at home unless you're truly committed to becoming more likeable. Otherwise, you'll lack the "realness" Tim espouses and people will see right through you.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Very Insightful Book...A Must Read
    Likeability is an character trait many of us take for granted in our dealings with those around us.Tim Sanders has extensively researched the topic and presents a wide range of examples of how likeability gives a person the edge in life's everyday "popularity contests".This is a great book and will make you think differently about the way others perceive you and give you practical tips on boosting your likeability.

    3-0 out of 5 stars Great concept, but a boring read
    As I write this, I feel "unlikable". I wholeheartedly agree with Tim and his concept of getting ahead and having a better existence by putting out genuine likeability vibes. The concept is not new, but I enjoyed some of the statistics anyway. I just think the book was boring. He covers study after study to back up his claims, but I felt it lacked with personal testimonies and heart felt true stories. It reads a lot like a college text book, only the answers are all in the first 25 pages, instead of the back.

    5-0 out of 5 stars If you want to be liked by others, start here
    I really loved this book!This is a book that I've needed for many years.I grew up as a science nerd, studying science and math and technology instead of people.Now, years later, I'm struggling to make up for all the things that I didn't learn about people during high school, while I was studying science.As Tim states early on in the book, our lives are determined largely by other peoples choices about us, such as who to hire or promote.
    I was a big fan of his first book. "Love is the Killer App", so I bought this book as soon as I heard it was out.
    Like "7 habits", or "How to win friends and influence people", this is a book that you have to treat as a workbook and work through it to get real results, so don't expect good results unless you come to the book willing to work.
    One of the goals that I have set for myself after taking the Dale Carnegie class is to become the kind of person that everybody likes, and Tim has told me what I need to do to get there.Thanks, Tim!
    ... Read more

    6. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
    by Laura Schlessinger
    list price: $24.95
    our price: $16.47
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060520612
    Catlog: Book (2004-01-01)
    Publisher: HarperCollins
    Sales Rank: 204
    Average Customer Review: 3.52 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage.

    Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate ways to create struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship.

    Countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. Now, in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura shows you -- with real-life examples and real-life solutions -- how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life.

    Dr. Laura's simple principles have changed the lives of millions. Now they can change yours.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (52)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Men Are Simple Creatures, All They Need Is ...
    In this book, Dr. Laura presents what could be called the "Contemporary Theory of Husbands." She tries to encourage women to cast off the influence of the feminist movement which has fostered feelings that have allowed women to use their time in non-productive men-bashing, rather than in trying to analyze what they really want, and how to get it.

    Dr. Laura states the following, "Remember, men are simple creatures and very dependent on their wives for acceptance, approval and affection." Her basic theory being, that if men get that from their wives, their wives will get back many fold, what they give. And also, Dr. Laura wishes that woman would analyze carefully what they have because of their husbands and what they want out of life, and make the decision based on those factors.

    While her theory is surely not neo-Freudian or neo-Jungian, it has a very high potential to work in present day marital situations. She stresses the need for honest and meaningful communication. And she tries to point out the reality, that a successful marriage is hard work, and both partners have responsibilities within the relationship.

    Dr. Laura simplifies a lot of the problems and answers, but unlike test data in a lab, Dr. Laura's evidence actually comes from empirical field data by helping real people sort these things out on her radio show, and through letters and her other activities.

    It should be clearly stated, that Dr. Laura does NOT advocate being a stay at home mom, but she does advocate the concept that women are more responsible for child rearing than men. In addition, she states that the woman should have more responsibility in a marriage than a man, to provide the things that the man wants, and to be the leader in productive and meaningful communication.This is arguable. Both parties really have some responsibility to this in a marital relationship.

    I found Dr. Laura's commentary on embryology and "hard wired" genetic differences between men and women, which start at about 8 weeks into gestation in the womb. There is considerable evidence to suggest, that all of us, are born with both male and female "hard-wiring" but the hard wiring that is expressed, is that which is activiated by the particular hormonal mix running through the veins of the specific person. Thus, it has been shown in hundreds or animal studies and now, with transexuality, that if one changes the hormonal balance, that an animal will act in normal programmed ways as would the opposite sex, and that really it is the hormones that control the "hard-wiring" that is selected and displayed, not so much the physical equipment.

    Dr. Laura addresses some other highly relevant subjects in her book, perhaps the most important of which in marriage are the issues of "sex" and "guy time." She does a wonderful job of exploring this with support of her listeners conversations and letters.

    If there is anything at all that Dr. Laura could have done a little better at, was that I think she went slightly overboard on the concept of "repition brings remembrance." Her book often goes over the same point or concept in multiple places. But I know, that this was intentionally done by Dr. Laura.

    In all, the book is a wonderful book for both men and women, as it helps both understand the other, and work at productive and happy marriages.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Dr. Laura sparks a needed debate
    Dr. Laura's new book is an irrefutable home run on modern relationships. Like any other book, it won't save your marriage or make you a better person. Self-help books either preach to the choir or fly above heads, depending on the reader. And I expect that it will do the latter with most women. That, I think, is exactly the point.

    For the first time ever a mainstream book takes an honest look at the dark side of things feminine. It is a long overdue examination that forces us past the taboo of saying anything critical about women. Women, just like men, DO have a dark side. In western culture that dark side is reflected in many women's sense of entitlement, arrogance and selfishly driven behavior, even in an area of their lives that should be characterized by giving, respect and the pursuit of intimacy.

    The subject material of her book, even on this list of reviews, has elicited powerful feelings on both sides. And this is where she succeeds, regardless of the books efficacy for it's intended purpose. Some of the reviews drip with vitriol and the very loathing of men that Dr. Laura cautions us against. How DARE Dr. Laura imply that women are any less than perfect?! Who is she to say that healthy relationships require women to act like accountable, feeling and sensitive adults?!

    Personally, I think Dr. Laura has a great deal of wisdom, but it is wasted on women who have grown far too comfortable with blaming every negative thing in their lives on men.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Good information
    Having been through two divorces I have a bit of experience in the failed marriage business and I read this book with interest to see if I spotted any similarities between the authors advice to married women and the behaviors I experienced in my bad marriages. Spot on. Bingo. It's here. I give the book a strong recommendation to any looking to strengthen their marriage or to any planning on getting married.

    It's easy for some to vilify Dr. Laura but if you (as a woman) have ever been successfully married you've either followed her advice or you weren't all that happily married (or at least your husband was miserable). She makes it very clear that the book isn't written for relationships that are abusive and that in normal non-abusive relationships men are actually very similar and pretty much want the same things in their marriages: the respect of their wives, lots of physical intimacy and a good home from their children.

    As for the overall quality of the book and the writing, I'd say it's about average. It is a short book and a lot of it is filler, quotes, examples and stories. I read it in a few hours and did find it entertaining as well as informative. In defense of the authors style and the length of the book, I'd like to point out that to help the average person, a book can't be to long and complicated, it simply won't get read, so overall, I'd not say the length and style are a detriment. My biggest complaint was that it simply ended, there wasn't a conclusion or final chapter, the last chapter was just the last chapter.

    As for those people, women or men, that can't stand the idea of a wife respecting and honoring her husband, loving him and caring for him, it's fine if you feel that way as a single person but you're setting yourself up for a failed marriage if you think somehow you're so special that the laws of human nature and the spirit of man are somehow unique in your situation. They aren't. I highly highly recommend this book to anyone that's engaged or thinking about it. If you think the book is bunk, don't get marriage yet, at least not to a man...

    5-0 out of 5 stars Great title, great book!
    This is an easy to read, easy to implement guide for women who want a great relationship. Dr. Laura draws from the letters and call-ins she receives on her radio show and the book is full of quotes of these letters and dialogues she had with listeners. And it is easy to recognize yourself in those people?

    Dr. Laura's advice is really simple: Take responsibility for your relationship, realize the power you have and use it wisely. Make your husband your number one priority and the rewards will be manifold. It almost sounds too simple, but the many examples in the book provide clear support that this works and why.

    The book illustrates how many women have fallen into the feminist trap of demanding "to have it all" without realizing the price they pay for pursuing too many things, for ignoring their husbands for the sake of their career, or for reducing their husband to a tool to support their dreams, rather than creating and maintaining a true partnership that feeds both of them.

    One warning: Dr. Laura is a strong advocate of the traditional marriage with a stay-at-home wife and children. So it is easy for any woman who does not fall into that pattern to ignore what she says. That would be a shame. The essence of her book remains true, no matter what your personal circumstances are: Focus on your husband's needs rather than have all attention on yourself, give instead of demanding to receive, and your partnership will fly.

    Another book that I have found extremely insprirational and insightful is "Working on your Relationship Doesn't Work" by Ariel and Shya Kane. They have a refreshing new perspective on how heretofore unidentified influences in our environment, if they go unrecognized, can destroy our relationships and how you can nurture and grow your relationships ? with your partner, yourself, co-workers, friends, family ? in a way that doesn?t take time or effort and allows magic to unfold. They suggest that the mere seeing of things allow them to transform, without working on them. What a relief? and worth trying!

    I don't know one person in the world who won't date his moments of greatest happiness to the time his family was the most intact, whole, unshakable. To me, this book (despite its mildly salacious title) was about that subtle nuance of marriages that guides life to be fitted around duty and responsibility, rather than around the pursuit of that elusive straw man, happiness. It nearly makes one wish that there was someone a bit more hip and compelling than the author of this book standing up for this simple hardhitting truth, because the point is compelling. Regardless of its title or whatever polarized commentary you hear about its contents, this book is a very worthy skim. ... Read more

    7. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
    by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
    list price: $13.95
    our price: $10.46
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0380811960
    Catlog: Book (1999-10-01)
    Publisher: Perennial Currents
    Sales Rank: 603
    Average Customer Review: 4.56 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be effective with your children. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

    Recently revised and updated with fresh insights and suggestions, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is full of practical, innovative ways to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (77)

    3-0 out of 5 stars Good book, but not as thorough as should be
    I just read this book and -- though it it's right on the money in its attitude towards childrearing -- it doesn't describe the mechanics of how the "listening" and "talking" skills work as well as Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.). P.E.T. has a chapter called How to Listen so Children Will Talk and another called How to Talk so Children Will Listen. I wonder how the autors of this book got away with borrowing the title for their book straight out of some chapters in another (the original P.E.T. was published years before -- the one at stores now is a new edition).

    Lest it sound like I'm slamming this book, truth is it's not a bad read at all. But for an in-depth explanation of how these skills can be put to daily use, I'd go for P.E.T. Better yet, read both.

    Even better yet, first read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman to get an idea WHY these skills are so important to a child's development, then follow it up with P.E.T. and this book.

    4-0 out of 5 stars True to it's title
    I thought this book might be about how to use praise and language to avoid facing discipline issues with children but it is not like that at all. It teaches parents to be authorative and send the right messages without micro managing their children. The suggested changes are fairly straight forward and common sense, but may require some practice. Fortunately thare are many well illustrated examples and practical exercises to reinforce these ideas. This book stictly sticks to the topic of comunication and establishing cooperation which makes it an excellent supplement to any parents existing parenting style. Teaches mutual respect without surrendering parental authourity. A very good read.

    5-0 out of 5 stars A terrific book
    I feel this should be required reading for parents (and people in general). Easy to read. Great concepts. Great examples. And just as importantly, the tone is very respectful of the parents (so many of the other books on this topic tend to talk to parents like they don't get it...). I recommend it heartily.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Talking To Feelings With Just the Right Words...WORKS!
    Although this best selling book was originally written more than 20 years ago, I find the advice and specific suggestions extremely on target in 2004. The main strategy that has made such a positive difference in my life is to acknowlege my child's feelings before I give the direction for compliance. Most of the time, I do try to give well-meaning, honest (not always calm) responses to my 3-year-old that unfortunately sometimes escalate into a raging tantrum or no win power struggle such as in the following example at bedtime...My son announced, "I'm really scared of the big closet monster, Mommy." I responded honestly, "There's nothing to be scared about, there is no such thing as a real monster. Monsters are just make believe."...This conversation was followed by a long screamimg and kicking fit from a very tired, frustrated little boy.

    Now I have learned that by calmly talking to my son's feelings first, he knows that his point of view is understood and important to me. Then I have a better chance of getting him to stay in his bed. Because I chose to validate his feelings first, I got the cooperation I was after. I learned to say, "I see how worried you are...I've got a great idea...I'm getting the broom out to sweep the entire floor including every corner of your closet to make sure nothing is hiding in there...OK, it's completely empty, honey...only clothes in here. Hop in bed and I'll rub you back before our special good night kiss." ...It worked like a charm!

    I also highly recommend another newer pocket-sized book to accompany this classic tome called "The Pocket Parent." It is based on the very same philosophy of Haim Ginott and is chock full of hundreds of quick read tips and funny, true, short anecdotes from moms and dads relating to the challenging behaviors of 2-5 year olds (anger, bad words, bedtime and mealtime refusals, sibling fights, interrupting, whining and many more). These 2 books have taught me and my husband so many techniques that have worked at least once. We continue to refer to them for specific sensible strategies (including the exact words to try on our son). We appreciate the upbeat tone and great sense of humor of both books. Additionally, FYI...both parenting books have been translated into Spanish and are both available through

    5-0 out of 5 stars If you only read one parenting book...
    ...make it this one.

    Effective communication is the foundation of good parenting. This book has practical, easy-to-implement techniques to improve your communication with your kids. The format is such that busy parents can pick it up and read briefly, yet still come away with a couple useful ideas to put into play right away. It is written in themed sections and there are cartoon scenarios to illustrate exchanges between parents and kids. The cartoons show things going poorly and then a better way to approach the exchange. At the end of each section, a one-page box sums up the techniques described, along with a real-life example of each principle.

    Authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish worked with noted child psychologist Haim Ginott. In running parenting workshops utilizing Ginott's ideas, they accumulated lots of great real-life stories from parents that they use to illustrate their advice in this book. The content of the book is based on the themes that emerged from their parenting workshops, and thus resonates well with parents who want practical, straight-forward advice.

    This is a book that we keep handy on the nightstand and each of us picks it up again from time to time for a refresher (it's so easy to fall back into non-productive ways!)

    Improving your communication with your children will help you to get them to do what you want them to do; to understand better how they feel about things; to help them become more responsible; and to get them to talk to you--a real key as your child grows older and enters the teen years.

    *If you have more than one child, check out Faber and Mazlish's Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together so You Can Live Too, which is really the chapter on sibling rivalry that grew too large to fit into How to Talk! ... Read more

    8. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
    by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver
    list price: $14.95
    our price: $10.17
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0609805797
    Catlog: Book (2000-05-16)
    Publisher: Three Rivers Press
    Sales Rank: 744
    Average Customer Review: 4.74 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. ... Read more

    Reviews (46)

    5-0 out of 5 stars Excellent book, with some reservations to keep in mind....
    I loved this book, but am afraid it may be a bit misleading to the average couple. The book identifies things which are common to successful marriages, and offers great exercises for each principle. It is easy to read and understand and I highly recommend it.

    However, I do have concerns that the author denigrates marriage counseling so often. I agree with him that communication is not always the key to successful relationships, but a good therapist will help the couple to use good communication while also creating a better relationship based on these principles. John Gottman conducts very important research into marriage relationships, and understanding the principles of a strong marriage is important. However, if the average couple were to take this book as a "to-do" list, it would not necessarily create a good marriage. These principles need to have belief and passion supporting them, the principles alone are not enough.

    I highly recommend this book as a resource for integrating with other relationship resources.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Valuable insights into relationships!
    It is always a great pleasure to read GottmanÂ's book. Though the title is a bit misleading (it reminds oneself too much of pop psychology and sounds a bit too simplified), the author greatly succeeds in laying out the basic principles for making marriage work.
    He is to be considered as THE leading marital psychologist and far outranks other authors, e.g. John Gray, by his meticulously applying research methods to relationships. This is the hallmark of the book: the advice given is rooted in his more than 30 years of clinical research about marriage problems. And: it clearly helps!
    The book is fun to read as it combines practical advice with highly interesting exercises which you can either do on your own or with your partner. Real life examples supplement and clarify the basic principles.
    One of the very few psychologists who can explain their findings in everyday language! I can also recommend his other books, e.g. the heart of parenting

    5-0 out of 5 stars The best book on marriage
    Whether you`re newlyweds or have been married for 15 years,this book will make your relationship with your spouse closer and more satisfying.A truely different approach here,much better than that "men are from mars,women are from venus" hogwash.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Started a new chapter of my life!
    A few years ago, my marriage was going down the drain. I had no idea what was going on or what I could do about it. I felt helpless, hopeless and unhappy. Until then, I was very skeptical about these types of books so I never read them. But became so desperate that I opened this book in a store like a drowning person reaching for a straw. That was the beginning of the end. This book forced me to see my marriage from a completely objective point of view and helped me realize how I was part of the problem. Bad habits die hard but I kept making an effort to change. After a month or two, my spouse noticed this change and became curious about the book as well. We became even more interested in these things and read another book called "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato (I'd highly recommend this fabulous book too if you are ready to take one more positive step in your relationships). Now we appreciate each other. Now we talk about meaningful and interesting things in life. Even though this may sound very cheesy, in many ways we could say that our marriage is in a renaissance period. We still have a long way to go but there already is a newfound calmness in our lives that was never there before.

    5-0 out of 5 stars No Bull. Just Research and Experience
    Gottman debunks the pop-psychology theories and goes for the facts. His books are GREAT for those of us too cynical to swallow the latest relationsip fad, or for those too rational to believe we're all born into a box we can't get out of.

    Gottman's approach is practical, sensible, and open to all types of people and all types of relationships. You don't have to give up who you are or try to make your marriage look like someone else's. Just start with simple steps to do more of what works to help your relationship, and begin to recognize what you might want to do less.

    Best of all, it's all backed by science! Gottman doesn't just preach his assumptions and opinions. He's actually studied real people for three decades, and he has great examples of how similar signs of hope or problems show up in situations and people that may seem very different.

    Even my husband, phobic of psychology, was willing to talk about the ideas in this book. There is no higher praise. ... Read more

    9. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
    by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher
    list price: $14.00
    our price: $10.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 014028852X
    Catlog: Book (2000-04)
    Publisher: Penguin Putnam
    Sales Rank: 1234
    Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.

    Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
    how to start the conversation without defensiveness
    why what is not said is as important as what is
    ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
    how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation

    Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.

    "Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times

    "These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist

    "Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters

    "Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
    ... Read more

    Reviews (73)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Difficult Conversions
    Stone, Patton and Bruce have written a very useful and critical work on the dynamics of all conversations - the ones we've had and regret; the ones we don't have, because they seem too risky; and the ones we need to have to enhance our personal and professional relationships. They argue that there are three categories of conversations, which encompass every aspect of what transpires in our daily exchanges. They are: (1) The "what happened?" conversation (2) The feelings conversation and (3) The identity conversation. We can become more skilled and efficient in our conversations, if we begin to check our often flawed assumptions about what happened, how we're feeling and how our self-perceptions impact our understanding of what others say. Typically, we assume we are right and others are wrong, we assume the intentions of others, we don't treat feelings as facts, and we associate our identities too closely with the contexts of specific conflicts. To have productive difficult conversations, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves and how we approach our communications with others.

    One can't help wondering, however, if the only people reading this book are already self-actualized or so well on their way that they are, in fact, the best communicators among us. The authors' failed to address the lingering doubt left with the critical, reflective reader: that most difficult conversations are the fruits of difficult people, who, unless they read this book, have little capacity or motivation to be anything but difficult. In any case, Difficult Conversations is mostly devoted to explaining and analyzing the three conversations and how one can use these categories to have more productive exchanges. The book has many useful graphic organizers, including a checklist and a roadmap for engaging in difficult conversations.

    In effect, Stone and his colleagues argue that we must shift from a perspective of "knowing" to "learning". Meaningful conversations can take place when we don't permit our assumptions to rule the moment, rather when we take control by being curious, open, and self-aware. To find out what happened, we need to explore each other's stories, separate intent from impact, abandon the blame framework, and to consider all conflicts as a system ("the contribution system"), to which every party has contributed in some way. They argue that the blame framework is a clue that feelings are playing a significant role in a conflict. Feelings often get translated into judgements, attributions, characterizations, or solutions. The key to managing feelings is to treat them as facts by acknowledging them, and considering how they are part of the problem and exploring them fully. All too often our feelings emerge from the sense that our identity is somehow at stake. Most of us frame our identities around one or all of three core themes: competence, virtue, or worthiness. When we feel any of these is questioned, we revert to fight or flight. We can best manage the identity issue by understanding ourselves as complex, by knowing we make mistakes, by acknowledging that our intentions are not simple, and by recognizing that all parties contribute to problems. The "learning" must begin within ourselves before we can understand issues or problems with others.

    We can affect our own conversational "learning" by engaging in "the third story" conversation, which requires us to consider how a third party would describe and analyze the situation. This sets up a process of internal dialogue, which is necessary to check our own perceptions, feelings, and interests. Further, the authors encourage listening from the inside out, speaking for yourself, and taking the initiative. While the book combines theory, examples, and description, it is also a very handy guide to improving one's communication style in the workplace or at home.

    5-0 out of 5 stars very highly recommended
    When I first picked up this book, I wasn't very optimistic about its content. I've got a rather solid background in conflict resolution and communication, have even taught courses in listening and small group communication. I assumed the book would be more of the same -- here's where you should nod, here's how you reflect, etc.

    I was pleased to find that I had misjudged the authors. Reading this book and truly incorporating its advice and philosophies can be a life-changing experience. The content here goes beyond technique and finds firm ground (surprisingly) in speaking about inner issues that arise during difficult conversations -- and it manages to do so without coming off as didactic or flakey. In fact, I would have to say that this is the first "self-help" book that didn't make me a little squirmy and rebellious -- I soaked up the information and found myself relying on the content in real life on a daily basis, and right away.

    I also have found myself evangelizing the book to a great extent, and have recommended it to friends I know who are having difficulty with family members, bosses, their children their neighbors -- as well as to a number of my clients who have expressed difficulty in managing up and/or down.

    There's something of value for just about anyone here -- even if you are already well-versed in communication and negotiation skills.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Concepts and techniques that work
    I find this book to be helpful because I have had a life-long struggle with difficult conversations. The section about understanding what is said and unsaid is a key piece of information which has given me greater awareness. The procedures require commitment and practice. Don't expect to get it right the first time or every time. I put an extra piece of information into practice every few days. I would also recommend another book, Crucial Conversations for another perspective on emotionally charged conversations, and Optimal Thinking: How To Be Your Best Self to learn how to make the most of any situation.

    2-0 out of 5 stars Too obvious...what we need is a difficult relationships book
    The stuff in this book should be obvious to most reasonable people. If you're having problems at this level, you still have a long way to go in terms of dealing with truly difficult situations. Seeing so many people liking books like this gets me worried... (Is it just me who feels like I'm back in kindergarten when I take these corporate self improvement classes (come on, be honest now).)

    If you can generally gather the gumption to talk with people through awkward issues, this book will not help.

    My really difficult issues in life are with severely complexed people who are either defensive to the point of being anti-social or with those who never learned the skill to listen. You know people like this, right? Their bad behavior inevitably drives away their friends and they often have trouble with their other family members.

    I'm not saying that I'm always in the right when having difficult conversations with people like this. What I struggle with is dealing with really hard headed people, and this book only belabors obvious points like "there are two sides to every story" and "you have to try to stay reasonable if you care to get through".

    Everything in the book is good, if that's what you want to learn about. I just found it too obvious, and it assumes the case where the other person is a relatively well adjusted person.

    1-0 out of 5 stars "A Dangerous book in the hands of morons"! (NY, USA)
    Well the reviewer has got a great sense of humour! I was laughing my a*se off!

    It sems so many people do not practice what they preach. This guy's bosses whoever they are or were seem to have 'lost the plot'.

    Isn't it strange that the 'Golden Rule' in business I was taught is not often used. It is as my Mum still says, "Do as you would be done by". Very simple but common sense is not usually common action!

    My invitation to this person is please make contact with me as I have some questions I'd like the writer to answer before I buy the book! Dear, can you arrange that? Give the writer my e-mail address please. ... Read more

    10. He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
    by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
    list price: $19.95
    our price: $11.97
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 068987474X
    Catlog: Book (2004-09-01)
    Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment
    Sales Rank: 2
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    Book Description

    He says:

    Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

    She says:

    There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

    For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.

    He's afraid to get hurt again.
    Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
    Maybe he's intimidated by me.
    He just got out of a relationship.

    Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

    The truth may be He's just not that into you.

    Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

    He's Just Not That Into You -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

    Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."

    He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is. ... Read more

    11. The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series)
    by Melody Beattie
    list price: $16.00
    our price: $11.86
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0894866370
    Catlog: Book (1996-07-01)
    Publisher: Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services
    Sales Rank: 1963
    Average Customer Review: 4.87 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Reflecting on the core issues of codependency, Melody Beattie encourages readers to trust themselves on their journey to self-care.Each meditation is filled with the personal warmth and insight Beattie brings to all of her books. ... Read more

    Reviews (39)

    5-0 out of 5 stars A lifeline
    I'll admit it -- I read this book through a crisis and a time of life that saw transitions everywhere. And while I'm still reeling from pain, and disbelief of the events that have happened to me in the past few years, I am already so much better from reading this book.

    When I find myself tempted by defeating behaviors, reading one passage reminds me why I don't want to continue down that road any longer.

    The funny thing is, I never saw myself as a codependent or as an addictive person. It doesn't matter what type of turmoil you're going through -- this book WILL remind you of a better way of life.

    It truly is a lifeline. I keep a copy at work and am discovering I'll need one at home to. If you struggle with any type of negativity, this book can help remind you that it's really going to be okay.

    5-0 out of 5 stars The Language of Letting Go
    I have owned a copy of 'The Language of Letting Go' since its original publication in 1996 and am still finding it useful and pertinent to my daily living. I bought the book at a time when I needed some guidance and this book provided this and more. It has allowed me to understand that what I feel is both normal and natural and that I should not deny emotions and thoughts that inevitably surface.

    I have suffered from post-viral depression, stress from studying, loneliness and yes, co-dependency. Melody Beattie, in this book has helped me to realise that I shouldn't try to push my fears and needy emotions aside. Rather I have come to realise I should just let the feelings go, and realise I can't control everything in my life.

    I am still using the book, not everyday but when I feel I need to. Inevitably I find what I need in each daily meditation. This has always been a daily tonic to me.

    Recently I lent my book to a good friend who is going through a very rough time - She was involved in a bad car accident she was told she should have died in. Since that time she has suffered from an eating disorder and has tried to push her closest friends and family away from her, afraid that she could hurt us with her pain. I know this book has helped her enormously, she told me so. Now I'm buying one for her. I think this is probably the best gift I could give her.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Can't go wrong with this book!
    Written by the experts, it offers sound and invaluable advice on letting go and releasing yourself from co-dependency.

    5-0 out of 5 stars AUTHOR REVIEW - FIVE STARS
    The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie is an excellent tool for anyone who wants to work through the painful process of ending a relationship. I highly recommend this book!

    John D. Moore, MS, CADC
    Author of Confusing Love with Obsession

    5-0 out of 5 stars MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW
    Melody Beattie's book "The Language Of Letting Go" is a tender caring work of art.
    Gently she speaks to the spirit inside of us and lets us know that it is ok to be ourselves.
    Something most of us are not use to doing, something we need to be allowed to do.

    Her words are those of one who has tasted of the emotions that she shares and her advise is like sweet honey to the reader.
    Sometimes what we need is just someone to say, it's ok to be you! The author does this and more.
    A very well written meditation book that will soothe many that read the words between the covers of this work.
    Recommended! ... Read more

    12. The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages
    by Gary Chapman
    list price: $12.99
    our price: $9.74
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1881273156
    Catlog: Book (1996-06)
    Publisher: Moody Publishers
    Sales Rank: 199
    Average Customer Review: 4.74 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    In The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman talks about how different people express love in different ways. Some people are verbal, expressing their love in words. Others may never speak their affection, yet they show it by the things they do.

    Sadly, many couples look to receive love the same way they give it, misunderstanding their spouses. This can lead to quarrels, hurt feelings, and even divorce. However, if you understand each other's love languages, you can learn to give and receive love more effectively.~ ... Read more

    Reviews (196)

    5-0 out of 5 stars be careful when you read this - it will change your life!
    Whilst I am currently single, I have been on a search for a partner this year. In somewhat of a state of confusion in a 2-month relationship, I was recommended this book to help me understand the man I was dating. I was feeling that his "heart wasn't in it" & I couldn't work out how we could be in a relationship without emotional involvement. We both seemed to want the same things. When I suggested that to him, he was terribly hurt as he thought he was acting in a loving manner.
    After reading this book, I now know why. We were speaking different love languages & I wasn't receiving what he was sending.
    This book has changed the way I think about all of my relationships - intimate, family, friends, even flatmates! I recommend this book to everyone - those married recently, those single, those married for a long time, those with children - in fact, I can't imagine someone not getting something out of this book.
    The book is an easy & hugely beneficial read & will no doubt impact your life as much as it did mine.
    Enjoy reaping the benefits!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Required Reading for Successful Marraige Relationships
    "The Five Love Languages" is a well written, practical and Biblically based book on getting the most out of a marriage relationship. The book is so effective, it is used in counseling and ministerial training (Depending on your training) to name a couple of other uses, and is easy enough for anyone to put into practice assuming the reader is willing to make some changes.

    Gary Chapman articulates the little challenges in marriages that every couple in some shape or form have run into during the life of an ever maturing marriage relationship. The focus of his teaching is the understanding of your mates "love language" or the manner in which he or she says "I love you" or feels loved in tangable ways. Gary Chapman then addresses how our ability to recognize and respond to our spouse can dictate the success of our marriages. With application and consistent work, you will understand your mate and yourself in the mix of your relationship better than you ever thought.

    Some books in this genre may make a potential reader afraid, skeptical or intimidated to even consider. For reasons ranging from too abstract that you would need a Phd. to get any value from it, to just too theoretical coming across with all the warmth and sincerity of a text book, not so here! The beauty of this book is it's simplicity, light reading and success stories that inspire hope. Though it's light reading, you shouldn't under estimate the impact this teaching could have in your situation. A good example of this is the books teaching format and practical examples where these priciples have been applied and have worked.

    A great book with potentially great results.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Good Book
    This book REALLY gives you the steps to improving your relationship. My husband and I have a great relationship already and there still was much food for thought in there. I also liked it because it have a Christian base to it- and to me, that is important.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Great gift to yourself and others
    Someone gave me this book as a wedding present and since that time I have gifted out 3 copies to other people. As you read you are able to better understand yourself and those who you care about.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful lessons on expressing love, receiving love.
    We see too many relationships fall apart when a failure to communicate leads to great misunderstanding, then to unyielding terminal unhappiness. THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES is a thoughtful book, that can help you examine your own personal rhetoric of love (verbal and non-verbal), and that of your partner, then translate that understanding into more effective expression of the love you share. If your relationship is struggling with communication issues, even to the point of questioning the love itself, this book can help shed light for course correction. If you're in a strong and healthy relationship, the book can give personal insights for communicating your love, all the more. ... Read more

    13. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships
    by John Gray, John Gray
    list price: $25.00
    our price: $16.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 006016848X
    Catlog: Book (1992-05-01)
    Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
    Sales Rank: 1265
    Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Popular marriage counselor and seminar leader John Gray provides a unique, practical and proven way for men and women to communicate and relate better by acknowledging the differences between them.

    Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.

    Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women, Gray explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling loving relationships. Based on years of successful counseling of couples, he gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners. Gray shows how men and women react differently in conversation and how their relationships are affected by male intimacy cycles ("get close", "back off"), and female self-esteem fluctuations ("I'm okay", "I'm not okay"). He encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love, and helps men and women learn how to fulfill each other's emotional needs.

    With practical suggestions on how to reduce conflict, crucial information on how to interpret a partner's behavior and methods for preventing emotional "trash from the past" from invading new relationships, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a valuable tool for couples who want to develop deeper and more satisfying relationships with their partners. ... Read more

    Reviews (295)

    4-0 out of 5 stars A Good Guide to Communication in a Relationship
    ¡§Men are From Mars, Woman are From Venus¡¨ (MAFM) is filled with insightful advice and many illustrative examples on how to communicate effectively in relationships. Gray places a large emphasis on the importance of marital relationships and endeavors to help couples, going through rough times, to communicate effectively with each other. Within the context of modern society, where marriage is very often presented in popular media as an archaic social construct, it is refreshing to find a person that regards marriage with such high esteem.

    MAFM explores some of the fundamental differences between men and women and seeks to explain why men/women act in the way they do. Gray aims to help readers to understand ¡§how completely different men and women are¡¨ but encouragingly teaches ¡§ways for successfully relating with, listening to, and supporting the opposite sex.¡¨ Gray places a large emphasis on ¡§practical techniques¡¨ and calls MAFM ¡§a practical manual for how to succeed in creating loving relationships.¡¨ MAFM is drawn from the author¡¦s own observations in an active counseling practice and from his own experience as a married man and father.

    Men are described as ¡§rubber bands.¡¨ According to Gray, a man needs to ¡§pull away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy.¡¨ Gray asserts that if men do ¡§not have an opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to feel close.¡¨ Gray also observes, ¡§When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem.¡¨ Women, on the other hand, are described as ¡§waves.¡¨ ¡§When she feels loved,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§her (a woman¡¦s) self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion.¡¨ Gray notes that, ¡§a woman¡¦s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself.¡¨ Gray also asserts women, in general, ¡§feel better by talking about solving problems.¡¨

    Gray asserts, ¡§Most of our complex emotional needs can be summarized as the need for love.¡¨ He then identifies the primary needs of men as ¡§trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement.¡¨ Woman¡¦s primary emotional needs, says Gray, are ¡§caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.¡¨ Once these primary needs have been isolated, Gray argues that, for a successful relationship, a husband must be willing to meet the emotional needs of his wife and vice versa. If men/women do not set out to fulfill each other¡¦s needs then they may be unknowingly hurting their partner. ¡§Love,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§often fails because people instinctively give what they want¡K.So they are caught in a loop of failing to fulfill each other¡¦s needs.¡¨ Gray asserts that ¡§if men and women learn how to support each other in the ways that are most important for their own unique needs, change and growth will become automatic.¡¨

    Gray also addresses the complex issue of arguments, and how they can be avoided. He asserts that men and women should ¡§negotiate¡¨ for what they want but that they shouldn¡¦t ¡§argue.¡¨ ¡§The secret to avoiding arguments,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§is loving and respectful communication.¡¨ He stresses that arguments should be identified and, once identified, people should stop and take a time out. He says that arguments are started for one reason: ¡§we are not feeling loved.¡¨ Although there may be apparent surface issues the deeper issue is the lack of love that a person feels. During difficult times in a relationship, it is important, according to Gray, ¡§to try to communicate with a loving, validating, and approving attitude.¡¨ If we endeavor to understand the emotional needs of our partner and work towards meeting those needs then arguments can be avoided.

    Gray also sets about illuminating positive methods to communicate difficult emotions and needs to ones partner. He acknowledges the importance of having emotional needs met and constantly emphasizes that we need to inform our partners as to what those needs are and how to communicate those needs effectively to each other. His use of letters with clearly defined formats that encourage simple and meaningful communication are novel in their method and style. It is certainly something I will attempt to use in the future when I wish to communicate difficult feelings to my wife.

    Although I find myself in agreement with much that is in this book, I do not agree with the expectations that he places within people. Gray talks about the ¡§love you deserve¡¨ and emphasizes this point towards the end of the book. I do not believe that it is correct to expect anything within a relationship although I feel I am obliged to give 100%. If I expect certain needs to be met, and those needs are not met, I will feel very disappointed. Other points I disagree with is his insistence that we get in touch with our repressed, painful feelings. Although they need to be worked out, we should not hover over them and be victims to them. We should rather empower ourselves in the here and now than be slaves to the past.

    Apart from these differences, I found MAFM to be an encouraging book that delves into the depths of relationships and the causes for failures. The practical examples that are provided are insightful and do reflect the reality of relationships. Ultimately, this book is no guarantee to successful relationships, but rather it provides willing partners, who are both prepared to commit 100% to the relationship, greater understanding into the psych of their chosen one. MAFM shows how men and women can work with each other to enhance the good in their relationship and how they can confront difficult and troubling circumstances with hope.

    4-0 out of 5 stars Great Communication Guide
    John Gray's book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in You Relationships is a great self-help book. Gray's purpose in writing the book was to help out both men and women to understand the opposite sex and help break down the communication barriers that occur occasionally between the two sexes. The author not only writes from both the typical male point of view, but also writes as an enlightened professional. Gray tends to believe and put forward what most writers feel. This particular work has greatly impacted society and has helped many couples in trouble. It is original in style and will definitely have lasting value because relationships between men and women will never be perfect. The main sources of the author's data come from his own life, marriage and personal experiences. The author simply questions human nature and how men and women behave and will react to each other and each other's decisions. This book is very well-written and does not contain a lot of argument because it is a self-help book. This book can be read by not only all intelligence levels, but all age levels as well. As long as you are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, this book can help you. I agree with the author's point of view because he is not biased towards one sex and helps point out not only faults but also the strengths of the decisions of both sexes. The greatest strength of the work would be that Gray has finally broken down the communication barrier with his own wife and shares it with us all. The only weakness that I have found in this book is that Gray tends to be repetitive in what he says. This book has greatly contributed to my knowledge of communication and thought process of both sexes.

    1-0 out of 5 stars A good start.
    John Gray helps the reader in a child story like way throught different qualities men and women express. Great. Those you can figure most of this stuff out with a few well spent nights meditating. If you lack the time. Well get the book it really will clear up alot of communication differences between men and females.

    1-0 out of 5 stars Men Are From Earth And Women Are From Earth!...
    This Book is pure crape!,Theire aren't any diffrences beetween women and men as human beings and in theire soul!in reality! is only the stupid society that creates those superficial "diffrences",men and women are programed since they are born,it's cultural,i do think that men and women can communicate as long as they are not both an extreme of eatch gender,because we all do have the same needs and desirs and we are not that different in the inside!

    2-0 out of 5 stars Redundancy, Illiteracy: Words to describe this book.
    I began this book with a positive outlook. I had heard good things about it, people had in a way 'ordered' me to read it. It was interesting in the beginning and I still considered it a 'good' book. However, the more I read, the more I was discouraged.

    This book is incredibly redundant. I believe it is the second-last chapter that is about love letters. However, the last chapter also speaks about love letters. I'm asking myself "Didn't we already cover this?"

    Not only must John Gray enjoy 'rambling,' he most also enjoy having poor english skills. There are multiple times in the book that he uses the word 'caring' as a noun, which it is not. Not only this, but he has persuaded some of his readers to this belief that 'caring' is a noun. Look for yourself: plenty of the reviews for this book use 'caring' as a noun.

    Reading this book, I felt as if I was reading a high school student's writing. A poor high school student's writing at that.

    As I continued reading, the redundancy worsened as did the illiteracy. I had begun thinking of a four star rating, but the more I read the more aggravated I go with the poor attributes of this book, thus leading to my two star rating. Part of me wishes to put one star, just to bring down the average customer rating as it does not deserve to be so high.

    To conclude, John Gray needs some education in writing and the English language. Also, his redundancy needs to calm itself. There are a few ideas in this book that are useful. However, those useful ideas could have been published in a ten page pamphlet and the benefit would have been just the same. [Possibly more, as I would not have wasted my time wading through the redundancy.]

    Recommendation: Any Dale Carnegie work is much better written and more beneficial than this book is. I suggest you purchase and read _Dale Carnegie's Lifetime Plan for Success_, which includes two of his books: _How to Win Friends & Influence People_ and _How to Stop Worrying & Start Living_. ... Read more

    14. Motivational Interviewing, Second Edition: Preparing People for Change
    by William R. Miller, Stephen Rollnick, Kelly Conforti
    list price: $40.00
    our price: $40.00
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1572305630
    Catlog: Book (2002-04-12)
    Publisher: The Guilford Press
    Sales Rank: 11811
    Average Customer Review: 5 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    Since the initial publication of this breakthrough work, motivational interviewing (MI) has been used by countless clinicians. Theory and methods have evolved apace, reflecting new knowledge on the process of behavior change, a growing body of outcome research, and the development of new applications within and beyond the addictions field. Extensively rewritten, this revised and expanded second edition now brings MI practitioners and trainees fully up to date. William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick explain how to work through ambivalence to facilitate change, present detailed guidelines for using their approach, and reflect on the process of learning MI. Chapters contributed by other leading experts then address such special topics as MI and the stages-of-change model, applications in medical, public health, and criminal justice settings, and using the approach with groups, couples, and adolescents.

    ... Read more

    Reviews (2)

    5-0 out of 5 stars A new classic
    If change were easy, a lot of us (psychologists, counselors, health care providers) would be out of work. Still, that doesn't stop us from complaining about those clients and patients who just won't do what we think is in their best interest. Motivational Interviewing, a "client-centered, directive method for enhancing intrinsic motivation," was developed specifically to help faciliate change in "resistant" populations and has been embraced by addictions treatment and general health care professionals alike. The entirely re-written, highly readable, second edition of MOTIVATIONAL INTERVIEWING updates readers on the state of the art and science of MI, and provides a practical guide for helping people to make all kinds of behavior changes.

    The book opens with a brief review of the converging lines of inquiry that supported the development of MI and an overview of core concepts such as readiness to change, ambivalence, and an interpersonally-based understanding of motivation. The second section is a guide to practice. While "spirit" is emphasized over technique, this section is filled with practical advice on how to increase motivation for change while minimizing resistance. A new chapter on ethics addresses the concerns that arise when attempting to motivate clients to do something they aren't sure they want to do. Consistent with the method's client-centered approach, the third section constitutes a chapter on learner-centered training in MI. The fourth section - comprising about half the volume - includes diverse contributed chapters on applications of MI. These include a discussion of MI and the Stages of Change model with which it is often associated; an excellent review of efficacy research in MI; adaptations of MI such as brief advice and MI with couples or groups; and applications with specific populations and settings. The application chapters necessarily vary in format but share in common careful consideration of the rationale for MI in the particular setting and the available evidence for success along with offering clinical wisdom from the field.

    The first edition of Motivational Interviewing has become a modern classic in the field, and the second edition is a worthy successor. Whereas the first edition presented MI as an alternative to traditional approaches to treating addictions, the second edition presents MI as an approach to helping people get "unstuck" regardless of the kind of behavior change in question. The key principles are more fully thought out, yet streamlined and presented in an almost conversational tone. The humanistic values that underlie MI are more consistently evident, yet the dedication to empirical validation of clinical insights remains. There is enough new material to justify buying this book even if you already have the first edition. - reviewed by Deborah Van Horn - first posted 5/16/02, updated 5/18/04.

    5-0 out of 5 stars An Essential Guide to Exploring and Resolving Ambivalence
    When do you use a Motivational Interviewing approach? Whenever there is ambivalence for change. How often does ambivalence for change occur? At almost any time people are considering some kind of change. In this 2nd edition of Motivational Interviewing, the authors are very clear that MI is not an approach that obviates the use of other therapy approaches, such as CBT, but is an approach that prepares people for change.

    I have been a trainer in Motivational Interviewing since 1995 (see and am privileged to have received my training from the authors, Drs. Miller and Rollnick. The first edition, Motivational Interviewing, Preparing People to Change Addictive Behavior, provided information that has helped many professionals working in addictions a way to more effectively engage clients in the process of change. The 2nd edition is written so that professionals working with clients around any issues...mental health, health behavior, addictions, health promotion, life coaching...are able to apply the methods for exploring and resolving ambivalence for change.

    The first three chapters of the book set the stage for understanding the nature of change and ambivalence for change so that the reader is more fully prepared to understand the value of fully understanding the client situation and eliciting desire, ability, reasons, need and committment for change from the client. This approach differs from the often tendency to understand the client's situation and then in a well meaning way, prescribe the needed steps for change. The strategies for interacting with clients via the use of open ended questions and the use of reflective responses is clearly discussed. Methods for eliciting change talk and responding to the concept of resistance are easily understood and examples are provided that will assist readers in considering how this approach will fit into their unique situations.

    Of great value to me has been the expanded view of the concept of client resistance. From the MI approach, resistance is seen as occuring in context and is conceived of as dissonance...just a lack of harmony, or being on the same page together. When viewed in this way, it just signals the professional that another approach is needed. How to 'roll with resistance' is then illustrated very clearly.

    This edition of Motivational Interviewing has expanded my ability to provide training. Even more importantly, the emphasis of this edition has underscored even more for me,that in my provision of psychotherapy, MI is not an approach to be pulled out for special occasions but is the treatment philosophy from which I approach all clients, despite the particular therapy modality utilized in the specific work. ... Read more

    15. The Relationship Rescue Workbook
    by Phillip C. McGraw
    list price: $13.95
    our price: $10.46
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0786886048
    Catlog: Book (2000-10-04)
    Publisher: Hyperion
    Sales Rank: 1775
    Average Customer Review: 4.42 out of 5 stars
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    Most Oprah viewers are well aware of Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue, which presents a seven-step program for salvaging troubled relationships. McGraw would be the first to tell you that watching Oprah or reading about his program are all fine and good, but if you really want to rescue your relationship, you've got to do the work--which is where this excellent workbook comes in. Loaded with probing questions, exercises, and fill-in-the-blank "self-tests," this four-part book is probably more effective than having a televised session with McGraw on Oprah. (For those who haven't seen the tearful relationship breakthroughs, be assured that McGraw gets results.)

    Don't expect to approach this workbook as if you were whizzing through a magazine quiz. Like the relationship that you are trying to revive, this workbook presents a big commitment. (There's no timeline suggested, but judging from the amount of work involved, common sense says to give it at least a month.) McGraw also urges readers to use this workbook in tandem with Relationship Rescue, even though there are similar exercises in both books. The hardcover book is geared toward helping readers identify "what's wrong and begin the process of restoration," he explains. The workbook helps readers begin the self-scrutinizing work that leads to change. Throughout this 287-page workbook, McGraw asks readers to be brutally honest while they examine the beliefs, behaviors, resentments, and expectations that they bring to the relationship. The four-part structure echoes the structure of his original book, starting with "Recover Your Core" and finishing with "Aim for the Best." Some of the exercises seem predictable, such as "list and describe five things that made you fall in love with your partner." Most of the time, though, the requests are profound and suggest a huge impact on a relationship. For example:

    • "I am 100 percent accountable for my life, so I will take a responsibility for bringing a win/win spirit to the table day after day. I can show my optimism by..."

    • "My partner does not deserve the effort I am about to invest. I deserve it, and our relationship deserves it. I will take the respect I have for our relationship and exercise it toward my partner. Some simple ways I can demonstrate the respect I hope to be shown myself are..."

    This workbook won't change your partner or offer you relationship perfection, warns McGraw. The goal is "to reconnect with your own best self" (which is the foundation of McGraw's couples work). Nor is there a big prize upon completing the workbook. Instead, readers will find a personal letter from McGraw, emphasizing what's already been discovered--relationships aren't maintained and nurtured by a one-shot course, but rather by a strong commitment to one's highest self. It may sound anticlimactic, but as so many Oprah guests are likely to attest, it really works. --Gail Hudson ... Read more

    Reviews (12)

    5-0 out of 5 stars Dr.Phil is the Man..
    This book is helping to save my marriage. I am learning more about me and why I do things and that is helping me to understand the effects that this has on my marriage. If you know anything about Dr. Phil then you know that this is no whishy washy poor you book. he makes you take a good hard look at yourself and you might not like what you see. This book will help you work towards an honest and productive relationship. Thank You Dr. Phil!

    5-0 out of 5 stars I have to have this book!
    I am ordering two copies of this workbook. I have the Relationship Rescue book already. This book is not only helping to save my marriage, it is also saving my life! When I first got the book, I asked my husband to read it and he complied to my suprise.A time later he was on the phone talking to his friend who was having problems with his wife. I heard my husband recommending this book! At that time did I realize there was hope......

    5-0 out of 5 stars It saved a long-time marriage!
    A few years ago, our marriage of 20+ years began to go stale and there was no intimacy, no communication, no passion. I searched for a self-help book to help us out and bought Dr. McGraw's book along with several others. The others got trashed as they were useless. Dr. McGraw helped me to focus on my own situation and to change it, not try to force my partner to change. But it's amazing how one person can affect the entire marriage, as he suggests! Dr. McGraw's advice is sensible, practical, true, and it works. I highly recommend this well written, obviously well researched guide to helping out a stale relationship. It reversed the decay of ours. Thanks Dr. Phil!

    5-0 out of 5 stars Still The Man of the Hour
    It amazes me how some people know all the good stuff, and can explain it in such simple, ez-to-use, and effective ways, like Phil does in this workbook. Do not wait to get this book, or Clint Arthur's "New Sex Now" video/dvd to help your relationship get back to where you want it. The clock is ticking for all of us, and you gotta make the most out of every second you've got.

    2-0 out of 5 stars Save your money.
    I was bummed to learn that most of the exercises in the workbook are in fact in the book itself [...]Plus, yeah I wanted to make my marriage work but goodness that's a lot of reading! Flipping back and forth between the book and the workbook kept me so busy - I barely had alone time w/my spouse! Just get the book and forget the workbook. ... Read more

    16. The Friend Who Got Away : Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or FadedAway
    by Jenny Offill, Elissa Schappell
    list price: $24.95
    our price: $16.47
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0385511868
    Catlog: Book (2005-05-17)
    Publisher: Doubleday
    Sales Rank: 194
    Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars
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    Reviews (1)

    4-0 out of 5 stars "Do be my enemy for friendship's sake."
    I felt compelled to read "The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away" because I am a woman who once lost a best friend, and for some reason let her "get away." I have long felt a profound sense of sadness for the tremendous loss - the loss of so much closeness, the mutual trust, and the extraordinary intimacy of being able to confide almost anything in another person. In my lifetime, I have experienced the end of many relationships, some for expediency, others because paths diverged, and some, even for the best. Yet I will never forget this special women and all the wonderful conversations, thoughts and dreams we once shared - and now do not. Those who believe, in general, that romantic relationships are more intense than platonic friendships are in for a surprise. As I read the twenty essays included in this gem of a collection, some of them wonderful, others not, I was amazed at how many resonated with me and reminded me of various and diverse relationships I have had with women over the years. I was struck by the complexity of these friendships, and the variety of reasons they ended.

    One friendship broke-up over a loan. Another, because men, sex and dates took priority over women friends. Others ended because of intellectual differences, competition, ambition, and betrayal. A few stories are devastating in nature, one involves the loss of a child. Authors Heather Abel and Emily Chenoweth discuss their mutual college friendship, and its demise, in separate essays. "I've never had a friendship that was that intense," Chenoweth said in a recent interview. "It did make it volatile in the way that a love relationship can be. But the thing is, lovers have a vocabulary for talking about the relationship. I'm not sure that exists for friends." Now, at age 33, both have reconciled.

    Contributors Heather Abel, Diana Abu Jaber, Dorothy Allison, Nuar Alsadir, Kate Bernheimer, Emily Chenoweth, Jennifer Gilmore, Beverly Gologorsky, Vivian Gornick, Ann Hood, Nicole Keeter, Patricia Marx, Lydia Millet, Mary Morris, Francine Prose, Katie Roiphe, Helen Schulman, Elizabeth Strout, Emily White, share their well written, unique stories with the reader, which will inevitably evoke a multitude of feelings. Most affected me deeply.

    William Blake wrote: "Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy for friendship's sake." Appropriate here, I think.
    JANA ... Read more

    17. The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
    by Patricia Evans
    list price: $10.95
    our price: $8.21
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1558505822
    Catlog: Book (1996-03-01)
    Publisher: Adams Media Corporation
    Sales Rank: 1639
    Average Customer Review: 4.24 out of 5 stars
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    Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened byinteractionsthat continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

    If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended. ... Read more

    Reviews (153)

    5-0 out of 5 stars A time-tested landmark book on verbal abuse.
    As a criminal prosecutor with 15 years of experience, having worked on numerous domestic violence cases ranging from assault to intentional murder, I found Patricia Evan's book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship to be a revolutionary, definitive, and validating text on the subject of verbally abusive relationships. Revolutionary, because it seeks to shed light on one of our cultures long-ignored social taboos. Definitive, because it puts words to concepts whose dialogue was previously muted by a lack of community awareness and common language. And finally, validating for those who have suffered in the cruel isolation created through verbal abuse and controlling behaviors. If you are a reader looking for a legitimate starting point on the subject of verbal abuse, Patricia Evan's book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, is the place to start.

    The Verbally Abusive Relationship is not advocacy, but rather presents an education in recognizing, and contending with, verbally abusive behaviors. The Verbally Abusive Relationship begins by defining varying realities, and the role these realities play in verbally abusive relationships. In addition to introducing the reader to new concepts and vocabulary in a world of dysfunctional interpersonal communication, Patricia Evans goes on to provide essential information necessary for recognizing and ultimately surviving, the destructive effects that come from living in a relationship filled with verbal abuse.

    The Verbally Abusive Relationship is an empowering book for those who have suffered from the abuse of controlling partners. But, like any written work whose contents threaten to undermine the demented power of those who have chosen, through abuse, to subjugate their partner, this book will draw detractors. After more that a decade in publication, The Verbally Abusive Relationship's success and truth can be measured in lives saved, or detractor's protests. Either way, it presents a truth that is disempowering to abusers, and empowering to victims of verbal abuse.

    5-0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ!
    Patricia Evan's book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", is an absolute must read for men and women. I initially bought and read the book as research for a psycholinguistic paper explaining the effects of verbal abuse. Never did I imagine it would open my eyes and give me such incredible empowering tools. After reading this book, I can now recognize when I am being discounted, diminished, and countered and respond appropriately with positive and empowering assertion. This book goes beyond helping just relationships at home, it easily helps an abused person understand and deal with abusive employers (whether male or female), verbal abusive merchants, or anyone else that may intimidate and/or control by verbally abusing others. The fact that men are more often portrayed as abusers in the book should not discourage either gender from reading and heeding the words on the pages. The reality is more women are abused by men than men by women. However, an abused male reader can simply exchange "female" for "male" and reap the same benefits as female readers. Anyone that feels, suspects, or knows that they are verbally abused should read this book NOW!

    2-0 out of 5 stars Not For Christians
    As a Christian woman, I can tell you this book helped me identify that my husband's behavior had nothing to do with submission, but was/is verbally abusive. But that is the only good that came out of the book.

    Because she seemed to have some sort of insight to what I was experiencing, I felt I would be able to get further advice on how I as a Christian could get help and/or support. I quickly found out that there is no other way but her way.

    She addresses control in her book and identifies control as an abusive tactic. What I find interesting is that she exhibits control amongst those that accept her ideals set forth in her book. An example being, when a negative review shows up here, she goes to her bulletin board, requesting her posters to post positive reviews, which in other cases that do not pertain to her, she would label as manipulative.

    She and her followers believe that the abused, because they have been abused, have a special license to be offending and in fact may be abusive to others, because they are victims and should be understood. They will emphatically deny that abusers can change. Although the odds are slim, some abusers have changed.

    I would strongly recommend that no Christian read this book. It appears innocent enough on the surface, but once you begin to delve deeper, you will find that she, her following and ideals set forth is cult-like in nature. No other views are accepted, but labeled as abusive and slowly the attempt is to brainwash the reader.

    1-0 out of 5 stars Bad Advice
    Evans' advice to tell your abuser to "STOP IT!" is laughable. As a woman who has had years of experience dealing with a verbally abusive husband, I can tell you this will NOT help matters. If it makes you feel better, by all means, go ahead - but don't be surprised if you end up with another nasty fight on your hands and feeling worse.
    Great book for women who just want to feel justified in getting a divorce. If you want actual SOLUTIONS, I highly recommend "You can't say that to me" by Suzette Elgin.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Crystalizes ungraspable experiences
    Pick up this book if dealing with your partner brings up feelings of your ineptness in his/her eyes, invalidation, FEAR, oppression, disenfranchisement to feel your feelings, a sense that you're a nuissance to your partner, or you feel stripped of your confidence and sense of self worth. Verbal abuse is not only overt, but covert which can be most damaging due to its insidious nature. If you're having feelings which you can't name, but are signals that somehow something is destroying your sense of wholeness as a person - pick up this book. It will help you name the feelings whose identities escape you. But, do pick up complementary books as this one serves to "identify" and not so much give explanations. ... Read more

    18. After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
    by Janis A. Spring
    list price: $14.00
    our price: $10.50
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 0060928174
    Catlog: Book (1997-03-26)
    Publisher: Perennial Currents
    Sales Rank: 3033
    Average Customer Review: 4.06 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship -- written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity.

    When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend.

    There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self-respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.

    After the Affair  is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership. ... Read more

    Reviews (53)

    5-0 out of 5 stars This was the first book we read together. It helped.
    What I never thought would happen, happened. I discovered my spouse was having an affair. It ended immediately. For my spouse, deep regret, shame, remorse, and humiliation set in. For me, anger, grief, disbelief, and an 'avalanche of losses', including the sweet memories of our marriage ceremony......gone.

    We went through what I call 'post-affair hell' for some time. Five months into recovery and working with a wonderful marriage therapist, I came upon this book. We began reading it ever so slowly, one chapter at a time on weekend mornings. (We even bought a huge cushy chair-and-a-half with lots of pillows to sit and read together, cuddle, talk, connect, recover and heal in.)

    This book made so much sense to us. It shed light on the truth of what happened and why. The affair was put in it's place......a big fat mistake. It became increasingly clear to my spouse what non-substance that illicit 'love' was based on. When you don't even know each other, it's basically a lot of hormones and self-suggestion.

    "After the Affair" helped bring back into focus what true lasting love is, the gift of a lifetime, and the importance of work and commitment in order to maintain it. We are still recovering, but are so glad to have survived this crisis and kept our family together.

    4-0 out of 5 stars After the Affair
    I read "After the Affair" about three weeks after discovering my husband had been having an affair for a year. It was helpful for me, because I thought the feelings I was feeling were abnormal. I didn't care for the term the "lover". I don't view the other woman as that. The book did help me come to terms with my husband's behavior. I do wish it had more information about the "lover" as Dr.Springer referred to them. (personality type)etc. I would recommend it. It is soft reading at a time that you may feel angry!!!

    1-0 out of 5 stars Affairs not bad?Seriously lacks compassion/understanding
    Perfect for making the betrayer feel better -- see 5 star reviews are often from betrayers not the betrayed.

    This is rough reading from the start. In the intro chapter, the author makes the statement that she doesn't classify affairs as bad or good. She then proceeds to formally state that both partners are responsible for the affair occuring. Not responsible for issues in the relationship, but directly responsible for the affair. For many this is pure baloney!!! She has very little compassion for the betrayed and it is clear even in the intro. If you are the betrayer, you will love this book. If you are the betrayed, this book may actually be traumatic to read. You will feel no empathy from Spring. She talks about people who are essentially describing how they feel they have been disemboweled and their guts are everywhere as 'normal' and again w/o empathy. She practically says, see those intestines, that is normal, now step over the mess and lets proceed with how they helped cause the betrayal.

    I continued reading until I really couldn't take it anymore. I think it is written so callously it is scary. It is perfect for the betrayer who doesn't want to feel too bad. So if you are the spouse who did not cheat, tread cautiously, you may actually find yourself feeling really betrayed by Spring as well.

    5-0 out of 5 stars How to Heal and Restore Your Relationship After Infidelity
    This is one FANTASTIC book to help each partner in the relationship take full responsibility for their part in the relationship breakdown that led to infidelity, and shows exactly what you can do to restore trust, intimacy, and a renewed sense of wholeness as well as a renewed commitment to continue with the one you love.

    This wonderful book clearly shows how EACH partner reacts, and how those reactions feel, and it is a vital resource for both partners to read in order to heal, and move forward together in a healthy, positive manner. It is also important to remember that trust is built again over time, and through many small experiences.

    You will learn how to stop negative reactions, and how to communicate with authenticity from the heart, rather than blame. This book is a MUST READ for anyone who is with someone that has been through the guilt, pain, and trauma of an affair, and how re-build again. Highly Recommended! Barbara Rose, author of, 'Individual Power' and 'If God Was Like Man'

    1-0 out of 5 stars Psychologically horrifying
    What Dr. Spring describes as "normal" is traumatic stress. And as a matter of hard, cold fact, a substantial proportion of victims of infidelity continue to suffer PTSD symptoms--emotional numbness, autonomic hyperarousal, nightmares and other sleep disturbances, consequent disruption of social functioning, and more -- for years. This is "normal" only in the sense that it is normal to suffer damage from trauma.

    Telling you that your post-traumatic symptoms are "normal" strikes me as the crassest sort of pandering.

    I am, BTW, a well-regarded scholar--not pop icon--on the history and ethics of mental health care, an experienced psychotherapist, and an expert on health care policy who consults with and writes for some of the most important figures in the field. I know whereof I speak. ... Read more

    19. Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism
    by Temple Grandin, Kate Duffy, Tony Attwood
    list price: $19.95
    our price: $19.95
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 1931282560
    Catlog: Book (2004-03)
    Publisher: Autism Asperger Publishing Company
    Sales Rank: 64902
    Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    This career planning guide is written specifically for high-functioning adolescents and young adults on the autism spectrum, their families, teachers, and counselors. The two authors weave together a unique blend of information and advice based on personal experiences. Temple Grandin draws from her own experience with autism spectrum disorders and her professional career, and Kate Duffy uses her expertise on employment issues and the mother of two teenagers with autistic-like behaviors. The result is an extremely useful and practical book that introduces step-by-step processes for the job search with a major section on the impact ASD has in the workplace, including managing sensory problems, how to nurture and turn talents and special interests into paid work, jobs that are particularly suited to individuals on the spectrum, and much more. First-hand accounts of job experiences and advice from individuals representing a broad range of careers particularly suited for high-functioning individuals on the autism spectrum round off this exciting new resource. ... Read more

    Reviews (2)

    4-0 out of 5 stars Ways to use special interests for people with ASD/AS!
    I have read all three of Temple Grandin's books. Each offers a different look at what it is like to experience Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). In "Developing Talents" Grandin provides the readers with insight into how parents and educators can assist people with High Functioning Autism/Asperger Syndrome (HFA/AS)achieve success.

    Presented in an easy to read format,this book focuses on using one's strengths, natural talents, and special interests to gain
    employment and lead successful lives. This book offers helpful strategies to promote such things as addressing sensory needs in the workplace as well as creating a portfolio to showcase one's talents.

    In today's society, having marketable job skills is a must. This book gives a proactive look at some of the challenges faced by people with HFA/AS. It is important for parents and educators to introduce the concepts of the book early in the educational careers of these students as the skills are life skills in addition to career skills.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Fills a much needed void!
    As a parent of an adolescent with Asperger Syndrome, I found this book easy to read and understand, with practical how-to instructions and guidelines for preparing my son to enter the work force. I really liked the emphasis on developing social and communication skills that are found throughout the book. This is one I will recommend to friends and relatives as well as my son's educators. ... Read more

    20. Whale Done! : The Power of Positive Relationships
    by Kenneth Blanchard, Thad Lacinak, Chuck Tompkins, Jim Ballard, Ken Blanchard
    list price: $21.00
    our price: $14.28
    (price subject to change: see help)
    Asin: 074323538X
    Catlog: Book (2002-02-19)
    Publisher: Free Press
    Sales Rank: 5108
    Average Customer Review: 3.82 out of 5 stars
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    Book Description

    What do your people at work and your spouse and kids at home have in common with a five-ton killer whale? Probably a whole lot more than you think, according to top business consultant and mega-bestselling author Ken Blanchard and his coauthors from SeaWorld. In this moving and inspirational new book, Blanchard explains that both whales and people perform better when you accentuate the positive. He shows how using the techniques of animal trainers -- specifically those responsible for the killer whales of SeaWorld -- can supercharge your effectiveness at work and at home.

    When gruff business manager and family man Wes Kingsley visited SeaWorld, he marveled at the ability of the trainers to get these huge killer whales, among the most feared predators in the ocean, to perform amazing acrobatic leaps and dives. Later, talking to the chief trainer, he learned their techniques of building trust, accentuating the positive, and redirecting negative behavior -- all of which make these extraordinary performances possible. Kingsley took a hard look at his own often accusatory management style and recognized how some of his shortcomings as a manager, spouse, and father actually diminish trust and damage relationships. He began to see the difference between "GOTcha" (catching people doing things wrong) and "Whale Done!" (catching people doing things right).

    In Whale Done!, Ken Blanchard shows how to make accentuating the positive and redirecting the negative the best tools to increase productivity, instead of creating situations that demoralize people. These techniques are remarkably easy to master and can be applied equally well at home, allowing readers to become better parents and more committed spouses in their happier and more successful personal lives. ... Read more

    Reviews (44)

    4-0 out of 5 stars A Good Read!
    Ken Blanchard of One-Minute Manager fame draws on the positive training techniques that SeaWorld whale trainers use to get their whales to want to perform. Although using whale training as a teaching model is a unique twist on the literature about training and motivating employees, the material itself is not nearly as exotic. Much of it draws upon traditional principles for getting along with others, such as building trust, emphasizing the positive and redirecting undesired actions into more productive channels. If you've read Blanchard's previous book about being aware when people do something right so you can praise them, some of this content will seem familiar, though he says this is his "most important" book. The story line tracks mythical businessman Wes Kingley's discussions with whale trainers who reveal what they do to train their creatures, gradually, carefully and with real warmth. These conversations blow some very basic points up to whale-size, but Blanchard writes with charm. We recommend this splashy manual, the first course in Whale Psyc 101.

    5-0 out of 5 stars Another winner from Blanchard
    Whenever Ken Blanchard (one of my favorite authors) comes
    out with a new book, I usually rush to read it . . . so when I
    RELATIONSHIPS had just been released, I got hold of
    a copy and devoured it in one sitting.

    You'll be able to do so, too, in that it is real short . . . but
    don't be fooled into thinking that there's not a lot of "meat"
    contained in its 128 pages . . . Blanchard, along with
    coauthors Thad Lacinak, Chuck Tompkins and Jim

    Ballard, takes a simple tale and uses it to get you
    thinking about how both whales and people perform
    better when you accentuate the positive . . . that information
    may sound basic, but it is far too often never used.

    The story revolves around a gruff manager who visits
    SeaWorld and is impressed with how animal trainers
    of killer whales can get them to perform amazing
    acrobatic leaps and dives . . . he begins to see how
    these same techniques could be applied to his
    business life, as well as his situation at home . . . in
    addition, he learns the difference between "GOTcha"
    (catching people doing things wrong) and "Whale
    Done!" (catching people doing things right).

    I particularly liked the many examples that were used,
    and the fact that these could be applied to countless
    work and home situations.

    There were many memorable passages; among them:
    "The point here is that progress--doing something better--is
    constantly being noticed, acknowledged, and rewarded.
    We need to do the same thing with people--catch them
    doing things better, if not exactly right, and praise
    progress. That way, you set them up for success and
    build from there."

    "Killer whales can 'take out' any other animal in the
    ocean. We sometimes use that information when we're
    working with dog trainers. Some of them scold and yell
    at their animals. They use choke chains and sometimes
    hit them. When they talk about that kind of treatment, I
    ask them, 'If your dog weighed eleven thousand pounds
    like Shamu, the whale, how would you treat him? Would
    you use a choke collar or smack him around?' I don't
    think so."

    If you don't hire people on a performance review curve,
    why grade them on one?

    My only criticism is that some of the material seems
    recycled from Blanchard's first bestseller, THE
    ONE MINUTE MANAGER . . . but maybe that's not
    such a bad thing, in that I still consider this his best
    work . . . and a "must" read for anybody who has not
    yet had the pleasure of experiencing it.

    3-0 out of 5 stars An okay read!
    "Whale Done!: The Power of Positive Relationships" by Ken Blanchard talks about the importance of building trust, accentuating the positive side of things and redirecting the energy when mistakes are made. According to Blanchard, it is crucial to provide recognition appropriately to either co-workers or family members. He uses the example of training the killer whale, Shamu at the SeaWorld. When it comes to training killer whales, trainers have to reward the whales when they do something right to reinforce the same behaviors and that it is basically useless to punish killer whales if they make mistakes.

    I think this is an okay read because there are basically nothing new here. However, I do like the "training of killer whales" illustrations that help to reinforce what Blanchard is saying - rewarding animals/people appropriately. Like a few reviewers here, I do prefer "Who Moved My Cheese?" and "Fish!" better. I also agree that some of the lines in "Whale Done!" are sort of cheesy. It's basically an okay read.

    4-0 out of 5 stars A Good Read!
    Ken Blanchard of One-Minute Manager fame draws on the positive training techniques that SeaWorld whale trainers use to get their whales to want to perform. Although using whale training as a teaching model is a unique twist on the literature about training and motivating employees, the material itself is not nearly as exotic. Much of it draws upon traditional principles for getting along with others, such as building trust, emphasizing the positive and redirecting undesired actions into more productive channels. If you've read Blanchard's previous book about being aware when people do something right so you can praise them, some of this content will seem familiar, though he says this is his "most important" book. The story line tracks mythical businessman Wes Kingley's discussions with whale trainers who reveal what they do to train their creatures, gradually, carefully and with real warmth. These conversations blow some very basic points up to whale-size, but Blanchard writes with charm. We recommend this splashy manual, the first course in Whale Psyc 101.

    2-0 out of 5 stars Simplistic book that should be no more than an article
    Written as a fictional story with unnatural dialogue, very simplistic message, does not even scratch the surface of human motivation. Nothing new here, this would not even be noticed as an article by a popular magazine. A typical example of low content book that is no more than a streched and pumped-up 4-page article. Nuff said. Leave on the shelves. ... Read more

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