Reviews (1)

"Do be my enemy for friendship's sake."
I felt compelled to read "The Friend Who Got Away: Twenty Women's True Life Tales of Friendships that Blew Up, Burned Out or Faded Away" because I am a woman who once lost a best friend, and for some reason let her "get away." I have long felt a profound sense of sadness for the tremendous loss - the loss of so much closeness, the mutual trust, and the extraordinary intimacy of being able to confide almost anything in another person. In my lifetime, I have experienced the end of many relationships, some for expediency, others because paths diverged, and some, even for the best. Yet I will never forget this special women and all the wonderful conversations, thoughts and dreams we once shared - and now do not. Those who believe, in general, that romantic relationships are more intense than platonic friendships are in for a surprise. As I read the twenty essays included in this gem of a collection, some of them wonderful, others not, I was amazed at how many resonated with me and reminded me of various and diverse relationships I have had with women over the years. I was struck by the complexity of these friendships, and the variety of reasons they ended.

One friendship broke-up over a loan. Another, because men, sex and dates took priority over women friends. Others ended because of intellectual differences, competition, ambition, and betrayal. A few stories are devastating in nature, one involves the loss of a child. Authors Heather Abel and Emily Chenoweth discuss their mutual college friendship, and its demise, in separate essays. "I've never had a friendship that was that intense," Chenoweth said in a recent interview. "It did make it volatile in the way that a love relationship can be. But the thing is, lovers have a vocabulary for talking about the relationship. I'm not sure that exists for friends." Now, at age 33, both have reconciled.

Contributors Heather Abel, Diana Abu Jaber, Dorothy Allison, Nuar Alsadir, Kate Bernheimer, Emily Chenoweth, Jennifer Gilmore, Beverly Gologorsky, Vivian Gornick, Ann Hood, Nicole Keeter, Patricia Marx, Lydia Millet, Mary Morris, Francine Prose, Katie Roiphe, Helen Schulman, Elizabeth Strout, Emily White, share their well written, unique stories with the reader, which will inevitably evoke a multitude of feelings. Most affected me deeply.

William Blake wrote: "Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy for friendship's sake." Appropriate here, I think.
JANA ... Read more

Book Description

We all have dreams—things we fantasize about doing and generally never get around to. This is the story of Azar Nafisi’s dream and of the nightmare that made it come true.

For two years before she left Iran in 1997, Nafisi gathered seven young women at her house every Thursday morning to read and discuss forbidden works of Western literature. They were all former students whom she had taught at university. Some came from conservative and religious families, others were progressive and secular; several had spent time in jail. They were shy and uncomfortable at first, unaccustomed to being asked to speak their minds, but soon they began to open up and to speak more freely, not only about the novels they were reading but also about themselves, their dreams and disappointments. Their stories intertwined with those they were reading—Pride and Prejudice, Washington Square, Daisy Miller and Lolita—their Lolita, as they imagined her in Tehran.

Nafisi’s account flashes back to the early days of the revolution, when she first started teaching at the University of Tehran amid the swirl of protests and demonstrations. In those frenetic days, the students took control of the university, expelled faculty members and purged the curriculum. When a radical Islamist in Nafisi’s class questioned her decision to teach The Great Gatsby, which he saw as an immoral work that preached falsehoods of “the Great Satan,” she decided to let him put Gatsby on trial and stood as the sole witness for the defense.

Azar Nafisi’s luminous tale offers a fascinating portrait of the Iran-Iraq war viewed from Tehran and gives us a rare glimpse, from the inside, of women’s lives in revolutionary Iran. It is a work of great passion and poetic beauty, written with a startlingly original voice. ... Read more

Reviews (112)

A literary tour-de-force
Azar Nafisi's memoir, Reading Lolita in Tehran, is the sort of book you should pick up if you want to assure yourself of how well-read you are, or perhaps to remind yourself that you are not well read at all. In the back of Ms. Nafisi's book is a list of recommended reading, some of which deals with Iran, but much of which is the fiction about which she writes in the book.

Having only read some of the novels about which Ms. Nafisi writes, I don't think I can adequately discuss the literary criticism woven throughout the book. The story of the book club itself is often not the main focus, as Ms. Nafisi gives a crash course in Iranian revolutionary history and delves into her personal life as well as that of the women in her book club. The combination of the three is an intriguing and potent conceit; learning how everyday life in Iran affects these women is compelling and evocative. Intertwined with commentary and comparison of some of the great books of western literature makes it even more so.

It would be had to say that one does not learn one thing, if not many things, from this book. Certainly it inspires you to read some of the books Ms. Nafisi writes about, if only to re-read the book and access a new level of understanding.

Reading Lolita in Tehran : A Memoir in Books
Nafisi details her experiences in Iran from 1979 to 1997, when she taught English literature in Tehran universities and hosted a private seminar on Western literature for female university students. Born and raised in Iran, the author offers readers a personal account of events in the postrevolutionary period that are often generalized by other writers. She was a witness to compulsory veiling, the "cultural revolution" that closed and purged the universities, the Iraq-Iran war (including missile attacks against Tehran), and the Ayatollah Khomeini's death. Nafisi provides readers with a view of Tehran during these tumultuous two decades and describes the ways that individuals resisted and defied the new regime's restrictive policies concerning both women's and men's behavior and dress. Readers interested in Western literature and the ways that key works could be interpreted by those living in different settings and times will find this book fascinating. Specialists on Iran, the Middle East, and Islam will also find the work unique, controversial, and informative. ^BSumming Up: Recommended. Most public and academic collections and levels.

Classical Celebration
<br /> Through turmoil, heartbreak and heartache comes the courageous and celebrated life of women. This will be one of the classics that will be handed down through the generations to come. A beautifully written and prolific book for all to read. <br /> Other reads are: Nightmares Echo by Katlyn Stewart,A Paper Life by Tatum O'Neil <br />

Excellent Style
Excellent style of writing,a story that captures your attention and holds it. I am a fan of Non Fiction works, Particularly that of Memoirs-Autobiographies. This book is meaty and hard to put down. Other Non Fiction works that have caught my attention are- Running With Scissors,One Child and Nightmares Echo

didnt like it either
I had a few probs with this book.

1. Nafisi talks at length about the vices of the islamic republic of iran - which i wholly empathize with - however, she fails to give substantial background on the how the country reached this state ie. the radical secularism that plagued the country only a generation before, under the 'shah'. And while this seems like a mere detail, its very significant, as it provides a sociological context for the political ongoings Nafisi writes so much about.
2. she seems a bit whiny to me and kind of passive....
3. maybe its bc i havent read most of the books she mentions, but I found her running commentaries on the books a bit boring and tedious. I felt like i was reading a book report or something.
4. the one thing i expected from this book was a heartwarming narrative of female bonding (think female"dead poets society" or "how to make an american quilt"). instead, i found the relationship nafisi conjurs somewhat empty and unsatisfying. i felt like she was trying to take me somewhere and we never got there.

so i didnt really like this book basically. ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (66)

The truth finally brought to light.
The author has hit the nail right on the head in researching and writing this book about the crafty ways that girls (and women)manipulate and cause and resolve conflict with one another. The testimonials are powerful and thought provoking...girls whose best friends are their worst enemies; girls who have no idea what they've done to make their friends angry, yet apologize all the same in order to save the relationship; parents who know that something is wrong, not knowing what they can do to help. If you can't recall at least one major incident from your own youth along these lines, then you've lived an ideal childhood!

This is a book to be read and dicussed with your adolescent/teenage daughter. Though it doesn't offer many concrete suggestions for helping girls to resolve conflict in a less backhanded manner, there are at least some suggestions for parents to use if they suspect their daughter is the victim of bullying. You will go away with a better understanding of why silent aggression is so prevalent among young girls...and you will also view your current female relationships through this lens to see how these actions mature along with you and never really go away.

Girls can be so mean...
This book is a real eye opener. Even if you know all about bullying, first hand or otherwise, you'll be surprised at the lengths girls will go to be "nice". Some sacrifice themselves at the altar of popularity, others try to make friends and get pushed away because they've broken some unspoken rule or made someone jealous.

This is the kind of book you read quickly and pass on to as many women as you know because it's that important. I'm even considering sending it to my old high school and middle school where minorities are at about 3%. Who said guidance counselors couldn't use a little guidance themselves!

As the book points out, these bullying situations can be very traumatic to girls and pave the way to low-self esteem and abusive relationships in the future. Girls feeling are given some voice in this book, but it's only 296 pages and that can't mop up all the tears girls will have.

What I'd like to see in the next edition is how these girl bully dynamics - silent treatment, isolation, manipulation - effect sibling relationships. Like older girls picking on younger brothers or sisters, or visa versa, getting picked on at home and bullying friends in school.

Thank you Rachel.

Some girls never outgrow it
Even as a woman in my late 20's I continue to see this type of behavior among my peers. Particularly in the work context, I have observed: exclusion, silence and denials of alternative aggression. Afterall, the workplace is the adult equivalent to the social environment in schools and rules of courtesy and professionalism often prevents or discourages direct confrontation. I recommend this book to everyone whether they are a parent, a spouse, a co-worker, or a friend to any girl or woman. The devastating effects of betrayal by a close friend has impact on adults as well as children. I agree with other reviewers that Simmons could have gone deeper in her analysis of the cases, but the framework she has set forth is well thought out and groundbreaking.

Parents, teachers, youthworkers, artsworkers, READ IT
You know, I get so sick to death of scientists with their graphs, their figures, their boxes and numbers, because the majority of this research actually has very little real value.

Have you ever seen any of the questions they ask these young people in that research? They have to classify on how many isolated occasions they are bullied during a day, a week, a month and the answers to that are all put in graphs. Bullying is generally classified by types such as physical bullying, exclusion, namecalling and so on.

The problem with this method is that it assumes a whole number of things it should not assume! For a start, a lot of bullying does not happen in single isolated incidents but in an endless stream of small continual pinpricks, the sum of which cause a person unbelievable distress, but when a (young) person tries to explain what is going on they sound petty. "It was just a joke"

What about hate campains, where everything is under the surface, where one person gets bumped into twenty times a day, stepped on, 'actidentally' pushed down the stairs, 'accidentally' hit over the head with a bag several times a day by different people, every single time followed by a 'oops, sorry about that'? What about the systematic putting down of someone through a whole range of little things, but by a (so-called) close friend, something that would not even be classified as bullying by the victim, even though it can be very abusive? How would that fit into any of these neat little boxes?

The problem is that a lot of the bullying is so subtle that the victim is never quite sure whether they are imagining things and when they do stand up for themselves, they often get classed by teachers as a problem kid, rather than as a victim of harrassment by the rest of the group.

Another problem with this research is that it assumes that the
split between bully and victim is very clear cut. I work in the performing arts with young people, specialising in socio economically disadvantaged areas, where bullying is a big issue and I can tell you from experience that this is definately not the case. An entire gruop, including the school administration, the teachers, the parents, they are ALL part of this bullying culture, either by tolerating it or by actively pursuing it. If one kid makes a nasty joke, isn't there a whole class to cheer him or her on? And the cheerers, how many of those cheer because they fear they may be next?

There are many teachers who function by picking on one kid and using and abusing this kid on a continual basis to keep a class quiet. What appears on a graph? Not much bullying going on, is there, just one annoying kid throwing around accusations, not to be taken seriously. None of the other kids back him up, do they? But what is that teacher teaching those kids?

It was about time that a scientist took the effort to go back to square one and look at what is actually going on in schools, to redefine bullying, based on what they see rather than assume and that is exactly what Rachel Simmons did.

So why does she not work with these precious little numbers? Because what she has to say does not fit into little numbers. Because she actually listened to these girls and did not tell them to squeeze their experiences into what she had decided was happening to them.

I think this book is fantastic. I am working on a big project next year, using theatre techniques to combat bullying cultures and have done a lot of research so far. This is the single most useful book I have found. It reads easily, the anekdotes are good, and every step of the way I can hear myself think - yes, I recognise that - but she managed to put it in words and in context.

She defines girl-bullying as different from boy bullying and you can agree with these gender theories or not, what remains is that her book gives incredibly powerfull descriptions of an aspect of bullying that needs to be explored.

Lastly, responding to one of the other reviews: Rachel Simmons is in my opinion not stating that girls should go out and hit people, expressing their agression. What I read is that they, unlike boys, are denied an outlet for their agression by society, which I believe is very true. It is considered unacceptable for a girl to vent agression, as is accaptable for boys. That does not mean it is right for boys to vent their agression through hitting, or that girls should be allowed to, Simmons is just stating the reasons for girls taking their agression underground.
We need to find NEW accaptable ways for young people to vent their agression, ways that do not hurt others.

Own Your Voice
While Ms. Simmons says, "There is a hidden culture of girls' aggression in which bullying is epidemic, distinctive, and destructive," I must say that this is not new - as epidemic implies.

Girl bullying has been around as long as the industrial age has been around. And I believe that this continues throughout women's lives, if they continue to place societal and mother/daughter expectations before listening to their inner selves.

Girls and women put such a high price on their self-esteem, based upon pleasing their friends, that often, if they were to slow down, and truly think about what a friendship freely gives: A commitment to tell the other what you think, judge, feel, value, love, honor, hate, fear, desire, hope for, believe in, and are committed to - without reprisal, they would see that they have spent their lives making soul bribes, based upon unspoken rules about disowning yourselves.

Another interesting point is that girls and women often say that guys don't have true friends, because many guys based their friendships upon whether or not they do some activity, such as play golf together, from time to time. The complaint comes from the fact that these guys don't get into one another's psyche. And many wouldn't know if the other is having marital problems.

Women and girls spend so much time pushing boys and mean to process their emotions and say what they mean, when in fact, if we were to look at how females act amongst one another, without the boys around, we would have to admit that most women and girls spend an incredible amount of time walking on egg shells around one another. Yes. There is a great deal of bounding that goes on. But, when their is a problem, do we talk about it to the point that we fully process it, int the presence of our friends? Or, do we minimize it, and change the subject, choking off our feelings, because we decide that we want too much?

By 8 years old, we are socialized into the identity of disowning our authentic selves. And with this bargain, we set ourselves and future generations of girls up for self-destructive behavior.

When it comes down to it, girls and women, or anyone who is willing to: give others the silent treatment; exclude others, without a discussion of why; give mean looks; gossip; or, gang up on a girl, can we say that we are any better off?

I am so glad that there are books like this book. And I hope that mothers and daughters will read this together - followed by ongoing dialogues, and meeting with other mothers and daughters.

Imagine a world where girls and women no longer worry about what one another thinks. Imagine the possibility of girls and women being able to say to one another, "I feel angry when someone does ... I would prefer that you ..."

This takes practice, and acceptance of all that could happen. But I say that once we are willing to talk about this, and truly commit to being visible about what we have experienced, and the impact that this has had on us, we will rock this world! ... Read more

Book Description

The Courage to Heal is an inspiring, comprehensive guide that offers hope and encouragement to every woman who, was sexually abused as a child -- and those who care about her. Although the effects of child sexual abuse are long-term and severe, healing is possible. The authors weave personal experience with professional knowledge to show the reader how she can come to terms with her past while moving powerfully into the future. They provide clear explanations, practical suggestions, a map of the healing journey, and many moving first-person examples of the recovery process drawn from their interviews with hundreds of survivors.

Definitive in scope, The Courage to Heal speaks directly to the survivor in a warm and personal way:

• TAKING STOCK -- outlines the effects of child sexual abuse and the ways women cope over time.
• THE HEALING PROCESS -- explores each stage from the decision to heal and remembering through breaking silence, knowing it wasn't your fault, nurturing the inner child, and grief and anger, to resolution and moving on.
• CHANGING PATTERNS -- offers in-depth guidance for shifting self-defeating patterns in specific areas of one's present life, including self-esteem, feelings, intimacy, sexuality, and dealing with families.
• SUPPORTERS OF SURVIVORS -- provides insight and strategies for partners of survivors, family members, and counselors.
• COURAGEOUS WOMEN -- profiles survivors who share the challenges and triumphs of their own healing journeys.
• HONORING THE TRUTH -- a substantial new Afterword that refutes the "false memory" argument and presents a thorough and enlightening response to the backlash.
• RESOURCE GUIDE -- fully updated for this edition -- informs readers about therapy, healing activities, recommended reading, support groups, self-help programs, and services and organizations.

Reviews (100)

A wonderfully supportive and helpful book!
This book has gone a long way in helping me to begin the long journey to coming to terms with the sexual abuse I suffered as a pre-teen. For most of my adult life, I've been reluctant to attribute any of my problems (such as depression, self hatred, unhealthy sexual relationships with men, a general disgust about myself, etc.) to being molested by my stepfather. Within the past couple of years, however, I've begun to examine my feelings about it more and more. I bought this book rather hesitantly, but ended up reading the first few chapters in tears as I read so many of my own feelings and experiences echoed by the other abuse survivors. I had thought that I was all alone and that there was something intrinsically wrong with me for feeling the way I did about myself, and it was an overwhelming relief to find others who feel the same after having similar childhood experiences. The reviews offered here referring to the "memory" issue misrepresent the focus and intent of the book. These readers seem to want to keep abuse survivors quiet to save the "sanctity" of the family. So many of us have done this for years; sacrificing of our emotional well being. They belittle the profound hurt and damage caused not only by the abuse, but by the silence as well. At the very least, this book has helped me to feel human and has given me hope that I may one day feel whole. I highly recommend this book as an invaluable resource.

More than one path exists
I have read Courage to Heal and I found that many of the exercises were helpful in getting me in touch with my feelings. The personal accounts shared in the book helped me to feel connected to a larger group of individuals who had been sexually abused. This connection was especially critical at a time when my own shame was still so strong that I couldn't bring myself to join a group or talk about the abuse in more than vague terms. It was one step on the path and a very important step at that - the authors provide a list of resources which are also helpful. The one thing that I find off-putting is that the book seemed to stall on the issue of anger (feeling the anger related to the abuse) and didn't offer enough to guide one to a place of resolution. And, there are, afterall other sources for dealing with anger.

total agreement
I am in total agreement with the prior reviewers. If you want healing to occur, then you must read "Courage To Heal", "Courage To Heal,The Workbook" and "Nightmares Echo". These are some of the best books I have come across for healing and understanding the pain of sexual/child abuse. I also agree with : "Beauty For Ashes",it is a spiritual look at healing.

One of the best
Theresa, surviving the past, January 16, 2004,
One of the best
this is one of the best books to read regarding healing from past child abuse/sexual abuse issues. I am very thankful for the knowledge of the authors.

I also recommended: Nightmares Echo-Katlyn Stewart,Beauty For Ashes-Joyce Meyers

Junk, Junk, Junk
Nothing worse than junk pop-science from the touchie-feelie crowd. ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (2)

I recognize some of these people!
For years Sue Shellenbarger has written a "Work and Family" column for the Wall Street Journal, one of the first to focus on the practical consequences of juggling careers and home. She's not a psychologist or sociologist, and doesn't pretend this is a scientific study. Rather, she tells the stories of women who reach the mid-point of their lives and find that somehow it doesn't work anymore. It's much more than menopause, the empty nest syndrome or a mid-life crisis. The author lays out six "archetypes"--representing six types of change women seek--the leader, the lover, the adventurer, etc. It made sense to me--I know far too many women who reach mid-life and abandon successful careers and start new ones, travel--with or without spouse, begin new ventures or new businesses.

When I was 40, I attended my husband's 35th college reunion--he and his classmates were in their mid-50's. I listened in on a women's breakfast meeting, and heard thrilling stories one after the other from women who were soaring, having finally completed child-rearing and the struggles to establish careers. What was going on I wondered?--being only 40, they'd seemed old to me. Now I understand!

A Disappointment
When I read a review of this book, I was interested and checked it out of the library. It was a quick and easy read, and, unfortunately, also a disappointment.

In author Shellenbarger's favor, it must be said that the book is literate, well-organized and based on a reasonable methodology of data collection. It even has footnotes. It categorizes female midlife crisis into specific types, and gives defining examples of each.

However, _The Breaking Point_ is also quite superficial, despite a few offhand references to Jungian psychology. After awhile, the collected personal stories which are used as examples start to sound like a litany of airheaded people who made bad decisions (dropped out of college to get married, married emotionally remote men, tried to mold themselves according to other people's expectations) and eventually wound up paying the price. The book also has virtually no perspectives that are not rooted in the last 50 years of human experience, which makes it difficult to take seriously.

I am a 52-year-old woman, recently retired, and I find it impossible to identify with these people. I also find it absolutely astonishing that anyone should find the notion of continued personal growth a radical solution to any problem.

This book may possibly be of assistance to women who are like those the author interviewed. There is at least one piece of sensible advice herein: throwing yourself into a series of sexual or romantic affairs may be dangerous to your mental health and your marriage.

Sorry, Sue, nice concept, weak execution.

... Read more

Book Description

What do Oprah Winfrey, Sandra Day O'Connor, Margaret Thatcher, Marie Curie and Sojourner Truth have in common?Not only are they some of the world's most influential women, their life lessons are now revealed in the latest book by Pat Williams.

Williams blends the personal accounts of each influential woman with the contemporary and historical insights of others, what emerges is an intimate portrait of each great person-her motivations, her aspirations, her personal challenges and the qualities that made her so successful at her calling. An added bonus is life lessons at the end of each chapter, which provide remarkable motivation for women who are blazing a new career trail, building a strong family or struggling to "have it all".
This exceptional book highlights a diverse group of women, from activists, businesswomen and humanitarians to athletes, explorers and scientists-it will appeal to any reader regardless of age, occupation or creative pursuits.

Profiles of women of influence include: Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Mary Kay Ash, Helen Keller, Anne Frank, Amelia Earhart and others. This is not a history book-it is a perfect blueprint for creating a successful life.

Reviews (6)

A great read even if you know the stories already
The book spine is cheap and separates some from the pages (without the pages falling out) - the physical quality of the book isn't among the best in the bookstore, but what's inside was surprisingly great--much better than I could have expected from the outside. Even if you know the stories of these women already, it's still great reading!, which amazed me.

Give him a PAT on the back...
I cant say enough about this book.I, being a woman, have always thought of taking on a project of this nature.However, Pat Williams beat me to the punch.It tickles me to see an idea I often thought about in such a splendid format.Any woman who feels the need to improve on their quality of life must read this book.You can be sure to gain a new perspective on living life as a women.The content of the book provides the reader with twenty life lessons that will continue to guide you throughtout your life.A great read for any female regardless of race or wealth.In addition, any of you fellas out there who are interested in females, if you have ever wanted to learn what makes us tick, read this book.

Motivational and Inspirational
My life was in shambles.I had no direction and I was definately no women of influece.One day I stumbled upon one of Pat Williams great pieces of literature, how to be like women of influence.It changed my life.

Motivational and Inspirational
My life was in shambles.I had no direction or meaning for my beautiful journel through life.I was looking for something to save me and sure enough I found it in my local bookstore.What I found was the book, how to be like women of influence and now the rest is history.

How to Be Like Women of Influence
This book has been such an inspiration to me. The in-depth way that the author describes each woman featured is incredible. After every reading session, I was more and more anxious to better myself to be like these women. They really have made a huge influence on society and I think this book will also! ... Read more

Book Description

This highly accessible combination of articles with readable and teachable supporting introductions and text enables students to understand assigned readings well enough to be able to come to class ready to ask intelligent questions and engage in critical discussion. ... Read more

Book Description

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is the incredibly popular and controversial psychotherapist who hosts a nationally syndicated, top-rated midday radio talk show. She has strong convictions and doesn't hesitate to voice them to callers. She urges women emphatically to lose a domineering jerk of a lover and pick one of the "good guys," to stay home and parent the babies they've made, and to follow the dream rather than some dreamboat. Above all, she exhorts women not to blame anybody or anything but themselves if they're unhappy and their lives seem a mess.

10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives uses real-world examples from Schlessinger's radio show and private practice to drive the message home. And the message is that our reticence to be bold and brave often makes us act like stupid, submissive victims. Once we muster the courage to take responsibility for our own problems and to tolerate the discomforts of risk, the possibilities for personal growth and joy are limitless.

If you're looking for an all-approving hand to hold, you won't find it here. If you're prepared to take a clear-eyed look at your self-diminishing behavior and to make the move to a quality existence, there's no one better than Schlessinger to keep you honest and to cheer you on. One thing's for sure: You'll never look at your relationships, behaviors and decisions the same way after you've finished reading this book. ... Read more

Reviews (53)

skip the one star reviews
....I have listened to Dr. Laura's program for the last 8
years... that's before the religious conversion she/her show
underwent. I have read all her books, so i feel i have some basis
from which to comment. If you are thinking about buying this book, do
it. What is it, 10 bucks for the paperback? If the information in it
could change your life for the better wouldnt it be worth it? If you
think its a bunch of crap... thats fine, but really, really try to
read it with an open mind... sometimes the truth hurts and we dont
want to admit the image in the mirror is a reflection of ourselves. I
had bought a bunch of these paperbacks and gave them to female friends
i cared about... young, in their early twenties. .... Dr. Laura is
VERY straightforward, blunt, logical, and does not mince words... many
people get offended by this style. "Whoa, how can you tell me
like it is? I want you to make me feel good." You want to feel
good? Go read Chicken Soup For the Soul, but if you want some
straightforward advice READ THIS BOOK.

Maybe Because I'm A Guy
Dr. Laura is great, fantastic and well.... fantastic. I listen to her radio show as often as possible, but when I get to read one of her books, it is shear pleasure. This is the first of her "Ten Stupid Things..." books and I really enjoyed it, although not as much as "Ten Stupid Things Men Do..." Maybe it's because I'm a guy, and couldn't stop saying "wow, how true!" every five seconds.

When I bought the book, my intention was to try and get some insight into how women think and where they are coming from. But I left the book gaining something better than insight into the mind of a woman. I gained the understanding that women, just like us men, have messed up, have hang-ups, and have insecurities. And we as men have to do our best to help support and empower the women in our lives to rise above (overcome) their pasts so that they can fulfill the destiny God has for them. As long as we drag our feet in the past, we can never run towards our future, and we can't continue to hang failures over our wive's/mother's/sister's/daugther's heads. Knowledge isn't worth anything until it becomes understanding... until it has substance in your life. Buy both books and do yourself a favor.

Stupid behaviors, not stupid women
I really enjoyed reading this book after a recommendation on a messageboard after sharing my experience. I didn't know what I was feeling and experiencing till I read this book. It was like it was writing about my life! Well, suffice to say, it helped me to open my eyes. I heard about the controversy surrounding this author and I understand why. She is being very realistic and sensible about realities of life. Most of the things in the book I have an agreement about, while some others it didn't really elaborate much. It depends where you are at this point in your life. But do read it if you're at crossroads (like I). But if you're totally happy with your relationship, then maybe it's not for you.

A Guys Perspective
Call me stupid, but this book made sense. As a pastor I have come to realize that pastoral counseling is not one of my strengths. My concept of pastoral counseling is to get a 2 x 4 and smack someone on the side of the head and tells them to get a life- perhaps, that is my this book appealed to me. Dr. Lauras straightforward approach made perfect sense to me. Perhaps that is my so many woman reviews have panned this book at being cold, insensitive, or uncompassionate.

But after twenty years of pastoral counseling, I still am dumbfounded how some women sabotage their lives. Case in point. During premarital counseling sessions, I always try to determine whether there is drug or alcohol abuse, especially in second or third marriages where children are involved. More than once, I have been told that there is no abuse where I have suspected there was only to have the woman back in my office three to six months later crying her eyes out and blowing snot into her hanky and telling me about her husbands drug or alcohol abuse. What is partially frustrating for me is that invariable these woman knew before their marriage that the problem existed, but believed that love would solve the problem.

Ok, so I am another insensitive white male who does not understand woman. So be it. But I think that Dr. Laura is right.

For Those Who Want to Reflect on Themselves
Dr. Laura gives it to you straight in this no nonsense book. While most people wouldn't have the guts to be this brutally honest and constructively critical, Dr. Laura goes where no one else dares to go. So many other self help books are too concerned about being politically correct and candy coating topics, that in the end you feel like you don't gain anything. But whether you like her or not, everything she says is actually true. This book will remind you of times in your life (and it's happened to all of us) when a family member or friend tells us something we don't want to hear but deep down inside we actually know is true. Dr. Laura is also a very logical person, so much of her opinions and advice is not hard to follow. I recommend this book to anybody in search of learning more about themselves and how they can improve themselves. ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (54)

This book is a must . . .
... for women who can't understand how & why they keep getting stuck in relationships where they are taken for granted or abused. I was given a copy of this book in 1993 by the bank officer who helped me open my bank account when my marriage was falling apart and this book changed my life!

It had such an impact on me that ever since, as soon as I realize that any of my female associates & friends are in these types of destructive relationships, this is the book I buy for them. I've probably bought this book 20 times in the last 7 years . . . I gave up on lending it out, and just buy my friends a copy, because I never get mine back!

To Robin Norwood, thank you for putting into words what I needed to hear & opening my eyes 7 years ago. My life has totally changed for the better & I am now in a wonderful relationship. (Ladies, there are good ones out there! Don't settle for less!) There have been bumps along the way, but I will always have my trusty well-worn copy of the book to remind me that *I* can change this pattern forever!

THIS HAS BECOME MY BIBLE
I come from a family of many sisters. So many have married men with whom they now struggle. One sister was brave enough to divorce her first and second husbands, then discovered this book. Now, she has an awesome, loving, truly supportive husband! She purchased two copies of this book for each one of her siblings. We are all grateful! We have all read the book at least once and many of us have so dog-eared and marked up our first copy, that we were appreciative of the foresight for the second copy we had been given. I honestly keep this next to my King James Bible and I refer to it as my "Second Bible". I have to read from it daily. I can not describe with words the power I receive from my worn-out copy. I am ready to purchase a third copy because this one is getting quite tattered as well. I pray a prayer of thanks constantly for Ms. Norwood's inspiration which has changed the direction of my life and my family's lives as well.

Do you really need this book?
Girls, it's really quite simple. Women are attracted to the potential in men, men are attracted to what's already there in women. If we followed their formula we wouldn't end up with our hearts broken so often or so badly. Unfortunately it would also mean an awful lot of lonely single women with inadequate men who never bother try living up to their potential. The reality is women ARE a motivator for men when they do manage to get something done like pass the Bar or fix the grill. It's our unlucky lot in life as the smarter more adaptable specie I'm afraid to be stuck in this losing end of such a questionable arrangement of keeping the world turning. Also, instead of thinking of yourselves as loving too much (!!) maybe, ratio-wise, statisticaly speaking, there are just more jerks in the world who are men. It's ok to give up on the buggers for a moment and go dancing with the girls.

This book could help you change your life!
I recommend this book to friends all the time! I first read it 3 years ago and it was a real turning point in my life. It helped me to realise where I was going wrong in relationships and how to put it right - perhaps the main one for me was learning to really love myself first. So read it! Even if you don't think its for you, there is probably going to be a gem in there for you, and certainly you will know friends to whom you want to give a copy.

Eye Opening
This is an eye opening book. The personal stories in this book can apply to many women to one degree or another. Most women I know have fallen into a relationship at one point in time that is similar to the situtations described in this book. It offers insight into why this happens and allows females to look within themselves for the answers. Worth the read. ... Read more

Book Description

In this groundbreaking companion to The Courage to Heal, Laura Davis offers an inspiring, in-depth workbook that speaks to all women and men healing from the effects of child sexual abuse. The combination of checklists, writing and art Projects, open-ended questions and activities expertly guides the survivor through the healing process.

• Survival Skills -- Teaches survivors to create a safe, supportive environment, ask for help, deal with crisis periods, and choose therapy.
• Aspects Of Healing -- Focuses on the healing process: gaining a capacity for hope, breaking silence, letting go of shame, turning anger into action, planning a confrontation, preparing for family contact, and affirming personal progress.
• Guidelines For Healing Sexually -- Redefines the concept of "safe sex" and establishes healthy ground rules for sexual contact.

Reviews (21)

Healing exercises for anyone with any kind of abuse issues.
This workbook is an excellent tool for survivors of any type of abuse to use during their healing process, whether the journey to healing has just begun or the traveler has been on the road to healing for a while. I shared this book with my therapist, she said she was going to recommend it to me but I had beat her to it! This book can be worked on alone or with support groups or partners. I recommend the companion book as well, but this book can be used alone.

A must for a survivor
This workbook and its companion reading material is a MUST. It is amazing how soon you can start to heal when you learn just how much abuse affects all aspects of your life. Completing this workbook is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I do not regret it. I have tried other books and workbooks and not finished them because they just didn't seem to "get it" about what it was like to experience the abuse and what it does to a child. This book got it right. The authors don't preach, condem, talk down to you, or make you feel like the guilty party. I highy recommend.

Much needed
Thank goodness for this and its companion book, THE COURAGE TO HEAL. With the problem of abuse being so rampant, you'd think that there would be more books like this on the market--more "quality" books. While there are numerous works of fiction dealing with repressed memories, abuse, multiple personality disorder, etc (think McCrae's BARK OF THE DOGWOOD or SYBIL) there is a shortage of "how to" books. This one fills that void. Thank you Laura Davis.

recommendations-
I had read "Courage To Heal Workbook" first, Then went back and got "Courage to Heal". I was then recommended by my Doctor to go and get "Nightmares Echo" and "Beauty For Ashes".
Each book helps in so many ways. If you are a past victim of abuse I would recommend that you start with "Courage To Heal", then "Nightmares Echo", then "Beauty For Ashes" (spiritual) and finally "The Workbook". The WorkBook Brings it all together and sums it up. Helping to strengthen and learn new techniques for your life.

3 excellent books
I have read Courage To Heal, The Courage To Heal Workbook (Laura Davis)and Nightmares Echo (Katlyn Stewart). I can tell you that because of these books I am now on the path to healing. I understand so much as to why I have done some of the things I did in my past. I learned I am not alone in the feelings I had. I thank the authors of these books that have made it possible to heal. ... Read more

Book Description

A nonfiction She's Come Undone, Fat Girl is a powerfully honest and compulsively readable memoir of obsession with food, and with one's body, penned by a Guggenheim and NEA award-winning writer.

For any woman who has ever had a love/hate relationship with food and with how she looks; for anyone who has knowingly or unconsciously used food to try to fill the hole in his heart or soothe the craggy edges of his psyche, Fat Girl is a brilliantly rendered, angst-filled coming-of-age story of gain and loss. From the lush descriptions of food that call to mind the writings of M. F. K. Fisher at her finest, to the heartbreaking accounts of Moore's deep longing for a family and a sense of belonging and love, Fat Girl stuns and shocks, saddens and tickles. ... Read more

Reviews (42)

Most Impressive
What is most impressive about "FAT GIRL" is that it takes strong stands. The author takes risks with confidence. As with other books in the same league of impact and merit ala "YOU REMIND ME OF ME," "THE GLASS CASTLE", "NIGHTMARES ECHO," "MY FRACTURED LIFE," or "NEVER LET ME GO," "FAT GIRL" is a book that will either amaze you or offend you. The author presents a finely crafted story it is. Judged on impact and merit, this is a story that is in the same league as "MY FRACTURED LIFE", "THE LOVELY BONES", "MIDDLESEX", and "RUNNING WITH SCISSORS."

Most pointless book of self-hate I've ever read
Like mosquitoes drawn to lights, I couldn't stop reading this blessedly short vilification of overweight people.208 pages could hardly contain the mounds of self-hatred Judith Moore exhibits here.I have to admit she writes well.When she describes a meal, she not only seduces the reader into craving, she makes her smell and taste it. Unfortunately, the same can be said about her depictions of fat people; I kept feeling she wanted me to shower and put on deodorant several times while reading.

I looked at the author's photo on the back flyleaf and could not figure out just why she described herself in the beginning of the book as looking so horrendous and disgusting, with rolls of abdominal fat hanging over her thighs and each bubbling buttock sluicing against the other.She looked fine to me, very normal.Moreover, she admitted to being, at most, only 40 pounds overweight, weight she continually lost and regained over the years.I have been more than 40 pounds overweight and I never looked anything like the woman she so vividly describes, nor do other people I know with even more excess poundage.Ms. Moore is evoking someone morbidly obese, someone begging for a heart attack or stroke.She described her father as repulsive at over 6 feet and more than 200 pounds.Yet, most men over 6 feet tall are at a healthy weight when near 200 pounds.Then I realized that her outrageously abusive childhood had obviously warped her perception of herself (and other overweight people).As she said "Even when I was slender, I was fat".

But I have read Ms. Moore's earlier book, Never Eat Your Heart Out, where her autobiographical sketches are of, as another reviewer wrote, a "relatively ordinary life" with little hint of the horrendous existence she portrays and blames in Fat Girl.Yes, her parents divorced when she was very young, yes, her father disappeared from her life and her grandmother and mother were vicious shrews, her school life was friendless and full of teasing.Hey, that's the story of hordes of people who have nonetheless gone on to lead fulfilling lives free of excessive vitriol focused on a past they cannot get beyond.Ms. Moore is now in her sixties and the mother of two grown daughters.She must realize that a lousy childhood and nasty relatives should not be given permission to control her perceptions and self-worth into late adulthood. My advice to Ms. Moore - get over it.Do good deeds for others less fortunate (yes, there are people with worse lives), smile, and act like the attractive and well-adjusted person you want to be; it will quickly become self-fulfilling. Or get thee to a good therapist posthaste.

For those who might read this book, save yourselves the agony and have something to eat instead.

motive unclear
I'm not quite sure what to say about this book. The writer doesn't mince words or make excuses, she lays out her life, her pain, and her fat. She doesn't cut a sympathetic figure, and she isn't trying to be one. I had difficulty finding a context for the novel. Why write it? Was it for self exploration? To explain something to people she knows? To chew the fat? I couldn't figure it out, and couldn't decide if reading it was enlightening or vouyerism.

The Truth Hurts
I read this book in one day, alternately weeping and laughing out loud.The author is so brave, honest and unsparing in her description of inner pain.Self-medicating with food does not work but it is easy to fall into. Her descriptions of food are seductive and sensual. I wanted to call her when I finished reading the book and just say I am sorry you suffered that way, you are a delightful human being, and I just want to put my arms around you.I will never judge an overweight person, myself included, again.We cannot know another's inner pain or early experiences.I thank Ms. Moore for sharing hers so brilliantly.

A Story That Had To Be Told
FAT GIRL is an abrupt and blatantly rude title. It's one that is silly in a way that is funny only to bullies. That's the point. That sense of feeling is exactly what FAT GIRL captures. It is the biography of being fat, being made fun of, being the outsider. My sister was a "fat girl" and I know first hand how she came home crying from the way she was treated. She wasn't any less intelligent than me or any less kind or less polite, yet she was treated so differently - all because of her weight. FAT GIRL is an excellent book in the same league as THE GLASS CASTLE, MY FRACTURED LIFE, SECRET LIFE OF BEES, and THE TRUE AND OUTSTANDING ADVENTURES OF THE HUNT SISTERS. ... Read more

Book Description

"For better or worse, for richer or poorer, your girlfriends are yours for life." --Karen Neuburger

A joyful celebration of female friendship in all its wild, poignant, and inspirational glory.

Karen has spent the past ten years collecting stories of love, laughter, and inspiration between girlfriends from the thousands of women she comes in contact with through her work as the founder of an immensely popular lifestyle company. Often funny, sometimes sad, but always enlightening and uplifting, these testimonials show that in a world where women are constantly being pulled in several directions, they can always rely on their girlfriends to be there for them.

Celebrating these rare and unique bonds between women, The Secret Language of Girlfriends shows how restorative friendship can be and how setting aside time to be around other women can have a transforming effect. Whether it's getting over a breakup, struggling with family frustrations, dealing with illness and loss, or simply just shopping 'til you drop and sharing a bottle of wine over dinner, being around your girlfriends can make all the difference in the world.

The Secret Language of Girlfriends is Karen Neuburger's personal prescription for more happiness and fulfillment in life -- a healthy dose of girlfriendship! As the perfect gift from one girlfriend to another, it's sure to find a place on every woman's bookshelf. ... Read more

Reviews (4)

I now know what this girlfriend thing is all about
I expected one of those easy, fun, skim-the-surface reads when THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF GIRLFRIENDS arrived in my mailbox recently. Before even opening the envelope, I was already imagining something along the lines of those tacky TV "chick shows" about the pitfalls of Internet romance, the miracle of cosmetic makeovers, breathless tell-all forums on perfect love-making, how to shop for shoes, etc. etc.

In other words, I was expecting style, self-absorption and perhaps some cynical wit. But substance? Soul-stirring inspiration? Genuine cosmic insight? After all, we're talking girlfriends here --- you know, the kind of relationships formed in high school washrooms, in shopping malls, over interminable phone calls that drove our parents mad.

But now it's confession and celebration time. I was wrong --- and I was never happier to be wrong.

You see, I couldn't actually reach the mailbox to get Karen Neuberger's wonderful revelation about female friendship. Thanks to some rogue bacterium, a minor leg injury went terribly wrong, leaving me miserably chair-bound, very sore, frustrated at my doctor's orders to choke down those antibiotics, and not a little worried about the long-term effects on my mobility.

It was a visiting girlfriend who cleared my mailbox, made coffee, did my dishes, even fed the cat, and then sat down and kept me company all evening with some of the best conversation I'd had in ages. And of course she told all the other girlfriends. I had become a team project!

A few days later, as I was deeply immersed in the anecdotes and insight of THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF GIRLFRIENDS, another brought over dark chocolate, flowers, and an unfinished knitting project. She insisted on doing my laundry while I sorted out her dropped stitches. Then we shared the chocolate, talked, watched a favorite Britcom, talked, laughed ourselves silly, talked.... Several others joined the relay in the following days, knowing exactly what to do, when to do it, and how much.

Finally, I realized that this is what it's all about, the girlfriend thing. We were living what Neuberger has packed so brilliantly --- and substantially --- into every page. I also realized that who we are as befriending and tending women has got to be genetic, uniquely hardwired into every healthy feminine psyche from the dawn of creation.

And so a week-from-hell that had begun with a fearful six-hour ordeal in the local hospital ER, ended in happy tears, gales of laughter, and above all, the indescribable grace of knowing I would never be alone when some dumb luck crisis suddenly strikes. As one of my long-distance "broad squad" members reminded me during a two-hour phone call across three time-zones, it just happened to be my turn to "get the treatment" --- to be spoiled, reassured, affirmed, propped up, accepted unconditionally in my worst moods, and loved into healing.

I'm still spending a lot of time with the inconvenient leg propped up, but I'm beating the blues now by reading my favorite bits of THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF GIRLFRIENDS aloud, sometimes for the second or third time, to this wonderful, extravagant herd of women, whose collective power to release healing endorphins never fails to astonish me.

Neuberger may not have invented the "secret" of our intuitive language, but few writers communicate its vocabulary and grammar with such authentic experience and delightful skill. This is one "chick book" that belongs on every mature woman's bookshelf --- if you can actually keep it there.

Be firm, be strong: tell the girlfriends to go buy their own copies.

--- Reviewed by Pauline Finch

Best Gift!
A great read! I thoroughly enjoyed every page. In fact, I thought it was so much fun I purchased a book for each of my girlfriends and plan on giving the book as gifts on our annual summer road trip to the coast. It brought up so many memories of my own experiences...I loved it! Cherish your girlfriends...Thank you Karen.

Secret marketing ploys and celebrity suck up .......
At first glance this book looked like a really fun read.Cute cover and catchy concepts it seemed like it would something right up my alley.I was very wrong.The book talks all about the sort of girlfriends that one may want to have or hope to have over the course of her lifetime.That's all fine and dandy (not to mention obvious) but does anyone really need to read 200+ pages of the author's fond memories of her friends? Is it necessary to suck up to Oprah right in the dedication and then barely mention her in those 200+ pages? I also did not appreciate the cheap marketing ploy that involved the author plugging her stupid pajama line.I don't think that the author imparts any true words of wisdom and I seriously doubt there is much for anyone to gain by reading this book.You could do better things with your time like perhaps watching Thelma & Louise, A League of their Own, Beaches, Steel Magnolias, etc.... Don't waste your time or money on this.Don't even waste a trip to the library - grab a girlfriend and go shopping instead!!!!

A gentle Read
I have read half of the book in just two days. It is a great read. I felt like I could relate to a lot of what was being said. The tales are of everyday women in everyday situations. It is comfortable to know that others out there feel as you do during any stage of your life. ... Read more

Book Description

Virginia Woolf introduced us to the “Angel in the House”, now prepare to meet... The Bitch In the House.

Women today have more choices than at any time in history, yet many smart, ambitious, contemporary women are finding themselves angry, dissatisfied, stressed out. Why are they dissatisfied? And what do they really want? These questions form the premise of this passionate, provocative, funny, searingly honest collection of original essays in which twenty-six women writers—ranging in age from twenty-four to sixty-five, single and childless or married with children or four times divorced—invite readers into their lives, minds, and bedrooms to talk about the choices they’ve made, what’s working, and what’s not.

With wit and humor, in prose as poetic and powerful as it is blunt and dead-on, these intriguing women offer details of their lives that they’ve never publicly revealed before, candidly sounding off on:

• The difficult decisions and compromises of living with lovers, marrying, staying single and having children

• The perpetual tug of war between love and work, family and career

• The struggle to simultaneously care for ailing parents and a young family

• The myth of co-parenting

• Dealing with helpless mates and needy toddlers

• The constrictions of traditional women’s roles as well as the cliches of feminism

• Anger at laid-back live-in lovers content to live off a hardworking woman’s checkbook

• Anger at being criticized for one’s weight

• Anger directed at their mothers, right and wrong

• And–well–more anger...

“This book was born out of anger,” begins Cathi Hanauer, but the end result is an intimate sharing of experience that will move, amuse, and enlighten. The Bitch in the House is a perfect companion for your students as they plot a course through the many voices of modern feminism. This is the sound of the collective voice of successful women today-in all their anger, grace, and glory.

From The Bitch In the House:

“I believed myself to be a feminist, and I vowed never to fall into the same trap of domestic boredom and servitude that I saw my mother as being fully entrenched in; never to settle for a life that was, as I saw it, lacking independence, authority, and respect.” –E.S. Maduro, page 5

“Here are a few things people have said about me at the office: ‘You’re unflappable.’ ‘Are you ever in a bad mood?’ Here are things people—okay, the members of my family—have said about me at home: ‘‘Mommy is always grumpy.’ ‘Why are you so tense?’ ‘You’re too mean to live in this house and I want you to go back to work for the rest of your life!’” –Kristin van Ogtrop, page 161

“I didn’t want to be a bad mother I wanted to be my mother-safe, protective, rational, calm-without giving up all my anger, because my anger fueled me.” – Elissa Schappell, page 195

Reviews (48)

Brilliant and insightful!
The Bitch in the House is a collection of essays written by some of today's brightest female writers. The authors of these essays are of various ages, economic and marital status. It is a book about women venting their frustrations in various aspects of their lives. The stories are brilliant and insightful -- especially the ones that focus on marriage and motherhood. I especially enjoyed reading "Getting the Milk for Free," by Veronica Chambers; "Moving In. Moving Out. Moving On," by Sarah Miller; and "Killing the Puritan Within," by Kate Christensen.

Betty needs a bit of better bitter
I thoroughly enjoyed this collection of first-person essays in the beginning, but as I read more I found, as several other readers seem to have found, that these women's experiences were too similar to enjoy reading over and over. There is not much diversity of culture, race or age. Still, I did enjoy the humor and the sharing, and thought the writing was very good. Ultimately I did realize that I am not as angry, not as bitter, not as disappointed as these authors, though I did enjoy the writing, and would recommend it to others.

Bitch and whine
All these essays are fairly interchangeable. All the women seem to be white professionals, all left-leaning academics/writers griping about their complicated lives. There's a sameness to all their narratives; even the one by Ellen Gilchrist, a writer I admire, is suprisingly flat. No humor, no variety, no lightness of touch anywhere--just the self-absorbed ruminations of spoiled, earnest women who've bought the line that they can,and deserve, to have it all.

no sympathy here.
This book sounded like it would be terrific -- women talking about things women tend not to discuss. However, it wasn't at all what I expected. The contributors are mainly upper-middle-class magazine writers, which means that the pieces all tend to sound the same, and have a real feeling of entitlement. Too, there are almost no older women/women of color/etc.

I actually preferred THE BASTARD ON THE COUCH, because the men seemed a lot more dimensional than their wives (if as shallow).

A tree gave its life?
A tree gave its life for this book? Give me a break! As a woman, I take offense to others who cannot look at the sunny side of life! This sets women back 100 years. ... Read more

Amazon.com

When Terrence Real was studying to be a therapist, he acceptedthe notion that women suffered depression at rates several times thatof men. Now he believes that conventional wisdom is wrong, that therehas been a great cultural cover-up of depression in men. Real isconvinced of the existence of a mental illness that is passed fromfathers to sons in the form of rage, workaholism, distancedrelationships from loved ones, and self-destructive behaviors rangingfrom stupid choices at work and in love to drug and alcohol abuse. Menreading I Don't Want to Talk About It will probably recognizethemselves in every chapter, while women will recognize theirpartners--and, of course, both sexes will see their fathers in a new light. ... Read more

Reviews (51)

not the only book, but a good one to start with
real's book hits home at the tragic legacy of male depression. despite case study after case study which at times makes one wonder whether one is perhaps more depressed than one really is, this book is an excellent first dip into understanding that men are not weak or alone in feeling depression.

i say first dip because it provides no answers but rather will lead you (as it did me) on the terribly difficult, yet very fulfilling, journey of self discovery that is necessary to fully heal from any form of depression (covert or otherwise). with further reading, personal growth and self evaluation, you will look back and give the book high marks, but only because it launched you on a further path of growth and discovery.

read this, then begin the really hard work of personal growth.

Everyone who reads this will find some insight
This book offers an amazing amount of valuable information in a clear, concise, approachable format. Terrence Real covers such topics as, why men don't know that they're depressed, how depression is often rooted in childhood experiences, how the myth of masculinity plays a role in the development of depression, how men use various addictions (chemical and non-chemical) to keep their depression at bay, how boys' socialization produces disconnection, and how to repair depression by learning to reparent the self, face vulnerabilities, confront the past, release trauma and shame, rewrite ones story, and use imaginative work to form a relationship with the immature parts of the self, while strengthening the "functional adult" parts of the self. Real uses references to popular movies and books, as well as clinical and personal examples, to add depth and clarity. He seems to approach the topic with a wide-angle lens that suggests a thoroughness to his research on the topic. I highly recommend this book.

Male Depression: Where is Starts and how it should be ended.
I love this book because it gets right to the heart of how Men and Woman really were raised to interact with one and other. Real opened my eyes to a whole new relm of thinking why my husband acts the way he acts. I know longer can ask, "Please, Stop acting just like your father.". It doesn't have the same meaning. My husband is still in denial of why he is depressed, but when I read this book it gave me much greater understanding of actually how deep it goes. My husband has withdrawn from the family. Actually, moved out!! Wondering for this happiness that he claimes has to be out there. I really think that I would have left him by now, but thanks to God and this book and Real's other book, "How can I get through to you." I have a much more patient understanding for my husbands struggles. I always knew that his families influence would cause many struggles in our marriage, but I never thought they would ever cut so deep. Reading this book as opened my eye's to al whole new world of how a real relationship can be and should be, with or without depression. I also know now that my husband, just like many of the men that Real has treated, can also walk through this vast valley if he wants to. Terrance Real, keep up the great WORKS!!!!

A Practical Guide to Understanding Male Depression
Terry Real writes about the presence of chronic male depression in American society today. He calls this type of depression "covert" depression, as opposed to the generally understood clinical depression, which he calls "overt" depression. Distinctions and labels aside, Real gives an insightful description of this crippling disease. As a therapist, he draws upon case histories of his own patients to describe depression and its affect on society and loved-ones. In addition, he relates his own history of dealing with and recovering from depression. Finally, he offers some theories as to how society is responsible for fueling depression in men, maily through its old-fashioned patriarchial belief system.

Overall, this is a fine book. It is a must have for any men going through depression and who really want to break through it. Because, as Real says, its only through pain that depression can be relived.

The one issue that I take with the book is Real's feminist-like approach to some issues surrounding depression. His theory is that men are just as, if not more so, emotional than women. This may be true, however, Real sometimes appears to be suggesting that men should become "just-like" women in how they handle their emotions. I think trying to tell a covertly depressed man that the cure he needs is acting more like a woman is fairly ironic. But Real is on the right track when he talks about relational esteem and self-parenting. It is within those confines that a man can beat depression- by becoming more responsible for his own feelings and how he deals with them- in man-like ways. Suggesting he handle and express them like a woman seems anti-productive to me.

Definetely worht the read anyway.

If you suffer from depression or you know someone...
If you're a man and suffer from depression, you should be able to find yourself in this book. I found it very valuable in pointing out why we're depressed. I strongly recommend it to anyone who even thinks they are depressed and maybe a lot of people who don't think they are. ... Read more

Reviews (1)

Pharahonic women....
I have read this book and I think it is one of the greatest piece of literature...it explain everything you need to know about women in those time...it's completed very well illustrated and the price compensate the product..it's worth it...it's great! ... Read more

Reviews (49)

Time to change things for American moms (and dads)
In this well-written, passionate, and fascinating book, Ann Crittenden challenges us all to look at the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which we make life harder than it should be for parents (especially moms). So many of us care enormously about both our families and our work, and too many of us are forced to choose between the two, to either drop out of the workforce when we have kids or to work ridiculous hours that don't allow us to be there for our families. As Crittenden points out, with paid parental leave, a fairer income tax structure that doesn't penalize spouses who work, more high-quality and affordable child care options, and a richer array of flexible and part-time work options, many more women would choose to and would be able to combine work and family, which would be better for women, for families, and for society as a whole. Crittenden notes that feminism largely succeeded in opening up many previously male fields to women, but only if women will play by the male rules (with the result that the gap between mothers' and childless women's wages is now larger than the gap between childless women's and men's wages). Shouldn't the next task be to transform the workplace so that it works better for everyone, including parents? So many other countries have done this -- why not the US?

Crittenden is sure to be criticized by some as another rich whiner who chose to have a child, can afford not to work full-time, and yet isn't happy with the results of her choices. This, I believe, is a superficial and short-sighted criticism. Crittenden counters that choosing to have a child is not like choosing to have a pet. Today's children will be supporting these nay-sayers in their old age. We all have a stake in making sure that families are supported and that children get the best start in life that they possibly can. Crittenden's book is a must-read.

More Important are the Rewards of Motherhood
As a stay at home mother of 5 the title of this book intrigued me. I was interested in learning the history of how motherhood came to be valued so little by modern America. And I hoped for affirmation of my life's hardest and most important work: mothering. The beginning of the book seemed to offer both. I could relate to the instant loss of success and credibility when, despite economic and social pressures, I left my professional career to stay home with my first baby. One of my husband's married male cousins actually asked me a chapter question, "So....exactly what DO you do all day at home?"

As I read through the first half of the book I became angry at maternal social injustices and was inspired by the baby-passion that encourages mothers to raise their own children anyway. But in the second half of the book I felt profound disappointment. Ms. Crittenden seems to come to the conclusion that any form of motherhood is worthy of financial remuneration, it matters not if a mother's child is in round-the-clock day care. The myths of feminism's working woman are (inadvertently?) reinforced over the unrecognized contributions and sacrifices of career mothering.

There are however seeds of a greater truth scattered within the pages of this book: a mother breastfeeding her baby, a mother caring for an aging family member, a mother who manages the household, volunteers her time, and homeschools her children should be acknowledged and valued (page 66). We know the price of motherhood, the rewards are less understood, and a deeper question remains. How can we, as a society, best support, protect and value motherhood?

"Labor is prior to, and independent of capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves a much higher consideration." Abraham Lincoln

Worth the Read
This book offers a searing criticism of the ways that mothers pay a price in our society. I read this book for my own edification and loved her honesty. It's written in easy to read style.

I also used excerpts of this book in one of my women's studies classes and the students enjoyed it. Many of the re-entry students actually told me that they either checked it out at the library or purchased the book.

I perused the reviews and was amused at how some reviewers felt that this book was whiny. Why is it that when we disagree we have to say that she (usually a woman under attack!) is whining. Motherhood isn't all bread and roses and this book explains why.

Destroying our country in the name of motherhood?
I was disturbed by this book, to put it mildly. I am a stay-at-home mom myself, and I was curious about the tenets of a book that appeared to be defending mothers. Instead, in the name of motherhood, the author attacks our wonderful Constitutional government by blatantly extolling and calling for greater Socialism in our country. Has our freedom become so cheap in the last 200 years that we would lose it, not to an outside enemy, but from within by our own countrymen? I recommend that anyone thinking of reading this anti-American propaganda think again.

A cop out, one sided analysis.
I was somewhat dissapointed by this book. It should either be read along with 'Women Cant Hear What Dont Say' by Warren Farrell Ph.D, or not be read at all. The author treated marriage as if it were a sentence to uncertainty and insecurity, divorce as the inevitable outcome, and the government as the end all and save all. While saying that divorce is leaves mothers poorer,-which is only one side of the story-nowhere in the book does the author say that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Hmm, makes me wonder why 85% of the homeless are men. I think its a cop out because the book doesnt really get to the preventitive measures or the 'nitty-gritty' of the issues-relationship issues, helping men and women to understand each other, how to communicate, how to give and recieve criticism etc. With the divorce rate today, its quite obvious all the 'pop psychology' isnt helping. Every thing starts at home. Crime, abuse, suicide, you name it. Once relationships are in order, families will be in order, and divorce wont be an issue to the extent it is today. I also sensed a disdain for the traditional, male headed nuclear family.
There is a lack of research concerning issues such as male housework,-inside and around-economic conditions of husband, wife and children after divorce, issues leading up to divorce, work habits of men and women etc. All of these things tie in with motherhood-and fatherhood. I agree that motherhood-and fatherhood-are the most important jobs in the world, but this book doesnt give the whole, precise picture. Alot of crucial information is missing. ... Read more

Book Description

UPDATED, WITH NEW MATERIAL BY THE AUTHOR"WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES isn't just another book. It is a gift of profound insight, wisdom, and love. An oracle from one who knows."--Alice WalkerWithin every woman there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. She is the Wild Woman, who represents the instinctual nature of women. But she is an endangered species. In WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES, Dr. Estés unfolds rich intercultural myths, fairy tales, and stories, many from her own family, in order to help women reconnect with the fierce, healthy, visionary attributes of this instinctual nature. Through the stories and commentaries in this remarkable book, we retrieve, examine, love, and understand the Wild Woman and hold her against our deep psyches as one who is both magic and medicine. Dr. Estés has created a new lexicon for describing the female psyche. Fertile and life-giving, it is a psychology of women in the truest sense, a knowing of the soul."This volume reminds us that we are nature for all our sophistication, that we are still wild, and the recovery of that vitality will itself set us right in the world."--Thomas Moore Author of Care of the Soul"I am grateful to WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES and to Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. The work shows the reader how glorious it is to be daring, to be caring, and to be women. Everyone who can read should read this book."--Maya Angelou"An inspiring book, the 'vitamins for the soul' [for] women who are cut off from their intuitive nature."--San Francisco Chronicle"Stands out from the pack . . . A joy and sparkle in [the] prose . . . This book will become a bible for women interested in doing deep work. . . . It is a road map of all the pitfalls, those familiar and those horrifically unexpected, that a woman encounters on the way back to her instinctual self. Wolves . . . is a gift."--Los Angeles Times"A mesmerizing voice . . . Dramatic storytelling she learned at the knees of her [immigrant] aunts."--Newsweek ... Read more

Reviews (61)

"If a story is a seed, then we are its soil."--CPE
Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a gifted storyteller--one who does not just love stories, but also recognizes their ability to stir the soul. She sees each story she shares as a cure for a spiritual deprivation, and so retells each one in her rich, soulful style, adding Latino ethnic twists to increase the illumination. Then, sounding like a village wise woman, she explains the effects of each type of deprivation in the souls and bodies of women. For instance, she interprets "The Little Match Girl" as a story about the necessity of putting one's creativity (represented by the matches) to good use: the failure to do so makes one freeze to death.

Certainly, women need the sort of healing that stories can give them--but so does everyone in the world, male or female. Men just didn't happen to be part of Estes' "target audience" when she wrote "Women Who Run with the Wolves", I suppose. Yet it is precisely this book that encouraged me to read "Jack and the Beanstalk" and "The Selfish Giant" to my little brothers.

The wondrous thing about this book is that it is only one person's opinion about the power of certain myths. Anyone is free to agree or disagree with Estes . . . to take or reject her advice . . . to give her chosen stories different meanings . . . to apply her meanings to different stories. For example, Estes used "The Ugly Duckling" to lament how a rigid, uncompromising society can oppress mothers into abandoning "unconventional" children. To that I add that if the ducklings had had a father duck around, then the ugly duckling would have had proper protection from the pond bullies and a lot more backbone.

It is also delightful to recognize the archetypes playing hide-and-seek in the fairytales and myths of many cultures. Russia's "Vasalisa" is uncannily like "Snow White", except that the cottage in the woods houses a witch (Baba Yaga), rather than seven dwarves. Also, the colors white, red and ebony/black are not found in the features of the story's heroine, but are sewn into the dress of her doll. Then there are the striking similarities between "Bluebeard" and the Greek myth of Eros and Psyche. (Of course, the difference is that one ends happily and the other does not.)

Finally, I love the way almost every sentence here rings with the kind of beauty and passion I have come to expect only in poetry, never in prose. For this reason, I can sit with this book and just dip into the paragraphs to be refreshed.

The most potentially disturbing element in "Women Who Run with the Wolves" is Estes' firm faith in the Life/Death/Life cycle--something very pagan. If readers miss the point early in the book, all the references to long-gone goddess-based religions of the ancient world will certainly drive home the fact. Personally, I thought it less bothersome than all the psychological concepts she used--half of which I don't buy at all. I've found that it helps to remind oneself all throughout the story that even though Estes writes of something true and deep, it doesn't follow that all women must identify with wolves (I happen to relate to mice), or feel like wild women, in order to be healthy in spirit.

Haunting, touching, inspirational women's myths and stories

Clarissa Pinkola Estes opened my mind...
I thought the book was going to be either too scholarly
or too depressing. My preset ideas were completely shattered
once I read the first chapter.

Ms. Estes opened up a fanciful world of fairy-tale
and folk-tale creature/archetypes and explained them
in a way that gave them life, fleshed out the "skeleton woman"
and inspired me to make my leap into the creative with her
technique of creating a "scapecoat" to introduce a healing ritual
into any woman's life.

My creative life was enriched. My dream life was enriched.
"Wolves" inspired me to keep searching deep within my unconscious
for those archetypes that would nurture me into FULL conscious
living.

"Wolves" will no doubt bring answers from the depths of many, both
male and female, who delve into the mysterious world of the
fairy/folk/archetypal myth. Readers who open to her images
will come out with a richer feel for life and living in the now.

Women, Run Away!
I read this book hoping for a little insight and perspective from an educated women and found myself abysmally disappointed. This book failed to capture not only my interest but the interest of every person I lent it to. Pinhola makes exceedingly long reaches to arrive at primitive conclusions (no pun intended), and fails to integrate the slightest hint of logic into her tales that supposedly incorporate a new feminist theory. If this is an "I am woman, hear me roar" chant, it is sure to back fire, serving only to show those of us who already know we're worth something that there are some women who keep our gender from advancing and being taken seriously! I strongly recommend that any reader who needs some encouragement and empowerment to find another book with factual, interesting psychology that may be legitimately and appropriately applied to her life.

Comforting to those questioning themselves and their motives
I read this book several years ago during a two year period of going through a divorce. This book empowered me to get in touch with my inner female voice, listen to my instincts and trust them again (because they were always sending me warning signals I was told to ignore by my overbearing, controlling spouse at the time). This is a wonderful collection of tales from many cultures that remind us women that we are born with an instinctual knowledge of things to come. We, unfortunately, allow others (i.e. the men in our lives) to tell us we are too sensitive, overreacting, imagining things, jealous, distrusting, etc., only to discover that those instincts were right on the mark the entire time! This should be on every woman's bookshelf!

Necessary Background Work
If you are researching Latino/a storytelling, this is the book for you. It is a wonderful outline of women figures in storytelling in general, and the outlook the author lends to Latino/a issues is invaluable.

Estes describes some of the spirituality that goes hand in hand with mythology. This is a strongly feminist text. Much of the work has a Goddess sort of touch to it - it explores the maiden, mother, and crone. ... Read more

Book Description

In the histories of the American Revolution, much has been written about America's founding fathers, those brave men who signed the Declaration of Independence, battled the British, and framed the Constitution. Yet the wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters who supported, encouraged, and even advised them have been virtually ignored.

In Founding Mothers, New York Times bestselling author Cokie Roberts brings to light the stories of the women who fought the Revolution as valiantly as the men, sometimes even defending their very doorsteps from British occupation. While the men went off to war or to Congress, the women managed their husbands' businesses, ran the farms, and raised their children. These women who sacrificed for the fledgling nation spent months or even years apart from their husbands, at a time when letters were their only form of contact.

Drawing upon personal correspondence and private journals, Founding Mothers brings to life the everyday trials, extraordinary triumphs, and often surprising stories of Abigail Adams, Mercy Otis Warren, Deborah Reed Franklin, Eliza Pinckney, Martha Washington, and other patriotic and passionate women, each of whom played a role in raising our nation.

Reviews (30)

Good and Not So Good
The information about the various women was interesting.However, I had to go through the book a second time to be able to sort the facts about each woman separately in order to get a picture of what she was like. The book was so poorly organized that one reading left me with a mish-mash of impressions. I can't imagine why any editor would allow this rough draft to be printed. And I expected better of Cokie Roberts. I am reasonably sure that no one but a celebrity could get by with such a poor effort.Fortunately, the subject matter was arresting enough to carry me through the forest even though I often could not see the trees!

Women Powered by Inner Force
Against enormous social,political and family forces the early American dynamos profiled by Cokie Roberts changed the face of the world by revolutionizing a nation. They powered realignment of social and political forces often through low profile but passionate and decisive impact on decision makers as well asgrassroots movements. As Roberts notes, coercive powers that locked many women into racial and gender servitude were not enough to silence or bind Founding Mothers. They were energized by inner forces just as essential for truly free women today - will, knowledge, vision, judgment, conscience, social radar and faith. As skillfully unearthed by Roberts, these stories of early American wonder women seem bittersweet. Bitter, in that they have been buried so long, robbing generations of American women of a rich legacy. Sweet, in finally allowing us to savor the inspiration of their lives. Whether in birth families or in a national family, digging out historic facts of our ancestors empowers us to move on from a stronger position. Truth sets us free. Reviewer: Beverly Hubble Tauke is author of "Overcoming the Sins of the Family," and is a Virginia-based family counselor and lecturer.

Great subject matter -- poorly written!
I used to like Cokie Roberts until I started reading this book. I love reading about the Revolutionary War and had (like other readers with comments) read the excellent biography of John Adams that was extremely well-written. Time and again in Cokie's book, she puts in little asides -- for instance early in the book when she speaks of the wedding present that Benjamin Franklin gives his daughter. He changes it from a nicer present to a spinning wheel. Cokie apparently does not think the reader "gets it" and goes on to say that such a present is akin to getting a toaster. She does this throughout the book and it is annoying. Worse, however, the narrative does not flow and it is easy to lose track of who she is talking about and when she is placing them in history. And I really do not like how Ms. Roberts keeps inserting her voice in the lives of these historic people with her 21st century sensibility. The Revolutionary War was a different time period, Cokie! I winced when I would read quotes about Abigail Adams with such Cokie asides as "she must have wanted to hit him." etc. I will look for a better book on this subject!

Let's face it, celebrity standards are lower
Would this book even have been published if the author wasn't an NPR commentator? I truly doubt it. The standards for celebrity authors are MUCH lower, even if the book is supposed to be a "scholarly" work, as opposed to, say, a diet book.
If Roberts could pull together a few facts about a woman from the Revolutionary War period (documented or undocumented), that woman landed in the book. There was no real narrative flow.
But, if it interested a few people in the Revolutionary War period that weren't interested before, well, that's a good thing!

Disappointing
I like Cokie Roberts, listen to her on NPR, etc. etc.Perhaps it was because I had just come off from reading "John Adams," but I was very disappointed in this book.There didn't seem to be much in the way of original research, it didn't challange me to rethink history, and I really wasn't blown away by how these women did much to change the course of history in the grand scale.Nonetheless, there were interesting tidbits of historical information, and a reader may learn some new stuff. ... Read more