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When Terrence Real was studying to be a therapist, he acceptedthe notion that women suffered depression at rates several times thatof men. Now he believes that conventional wisdom is wrong, that therehas been a great cultural cover-up of depression in men. Real isconvinced of the existence of a mental illness that is passed fromfathers to sons in the form of rage, workaholism, distancedrelationships from loved ones, and self-destructive behaviors rangingfrom stupid choices at work and in love to drug and alcohol abuse. Menreading I Don't Want to Talk About It will probably recognizethemselves in every chapter, while women will recognize theirpartners--and, of course, both sexes will see their fathers in a new light. ... Read more

Reviews (51)

not the only book, but a good one to start with
real's book hits home at the tragic legacy of male depression. despite case study after case study which at times makes one wonder whether one is perhaps more depressed than one really is, this book is an excellent first dip into understanding that men are not weak or alone in feeling depression.

i say first dip because it provides no answers but rather will lead you (as it did me) on the terribly difficult, yet very fulfilling, journey of self discovery that is necessary to fully heal from any form of depression (covert or otherwise). with further reading, personal growth and self evaluation, you will look back and give the book high marks, but only because it launched you on a further path of growth and discovery.

read this, then begin the really hard work of personal growth.

Everyone who reads this will find some insight
This book offers an amazing amount of valuable information in a clear, concise, approachable format. Terrence Real covers such topics as, why men don't know that they're depressed, how depression is often rooted in childhood experiences, how the myth of masculinity plays a role in the development of depression, how men use various addictions (chemical and non-chemical) to keep their depression at bay, how boys' socialization produces disconnection, and how to repair depression by learning to reparent the self, face vulnerabilities, confront the past, release trauma and shame, rewrite ones story, and use imaginative work to form a relationship with the immature parts of the self, while strengthening the "functional adult" parts of the self. Real uses references to popular movies and books, as well as clinical and personal examples, to add depth and clarity. He seems to approach the topic with a wide-angle lens that suggests a thoroughness to his research on the topic. I highly recommend this book.

Male Depression: Where is Starts and how it should be ended.
I love this book because it gets right to the heart of how Men and Woman really were raised to interact with one and other. Real opened my eyes to a whole new relm of thinking why my husband acts the way he acts. I know longer can ask, "Please, Stop acting just like your father.". It doesn't have the same meaning. My husband is still in denial of why he is depressed, but when I read this book it gave me much greater understanding of actually how deep it goes. My husband has withdrawn from the family. Actually, moved out!! Wondering for this happiness that he claimes has to be out there. I really think that I would have left him by now, but thanks to God and this book and Real's other book, "How can I get through to you." I have a much more patient understanding for my husbands struggles. I always knew that his families influence would cause many struggles in our marriage, but I never thought they would ever cut so deep. Reading this book as opened my eye's to al whole new world of how a real relationship can be and should be, with or without depression. I also know now that my husband, just like many of the men that Real has treated, can also walk through this vast valley if he wants to. Terrance Real, keep up the great WORKS!!!!

A Practical Guide to Understanding Male Depression
Terry Real writes about the presence of chronic male depression in American society today. He calls this type of depression "covert" depression, as opposed to the generally understood clinical depression, which he calls "overt" depression. Distinctions and labels aside, Real gives an insightful description of this crippling disease. As a therapist, he draws upon case histories of his own patients to describe depression and its affect on society and loved-ones. In addition, he relates his own history of dealing with and recovering from depression. Finally, he offers some theories as to how society is responsible for fueling depression in men, maily through its old-fashioned patriarchial belief system.

Overall, this is a fine book. It is a must have for any men going through depression and who really want to break through it. Because, as Real says, its only through pain that depression can be relived.

The one issue that I take with the book is Real's feminist-like approach to some issues surrounding depression. His theory is that men are just as, if not more so, emotional than women. This may be true, however, Real sometimes appears to be suggesting that men should become "just-like" women in how they handle their emotions. I think trying to tell a covertly depressed man that the cure he needs is acting more like a woman is fairly ironic. But Real is on the right track when he talks about relational esteem and self-parenting. It is within those confines that a man can beat depression- by becoming more responsible for his own feelings and how he deals with them- in man-like ways. Suggesting he handle and express them like a woman seems anti-productive to me.

Definetely worht the read anyway.

If you suffer from depression or you know someone...
If you're a man and suffer from depression, you should be able to find yourself in this book. I found it very valuable in pointing out why we're depressed. I strongly recommend it to anyone who even thinks they are depressed and maybe a lot of people who don't think they are. ... Read more

Book Description

Should you take a business call on your cellular phone during a dinner date? How do you act at a funeral? What is the best way to accept a compliment? When do you say, "I'm sorry"? John Bridges answers these questions and more in a book for men that combines Emily Post and Miss Manners without being snobbish, boring, or intimidating. This book is an indispensable guide for men of all ages who aspire to become gentlemen. ... Read more

Reviews (33)

Truly a mixed bag....
This book has some real pros and some real cons. The *majority* of the advice given is practical, no nonsense etiquette. For this reason I would heartily recommend this publication to a gentleman looking to improve upon such areas in his life. There are other books however that he should supplement his learning, in my opinion.

Now, having said that, there are some glaring problems w/ this book.

I.) The suggestion that a man should NEVER turn down an invitation is nuts. The author gave the reader the out in the event of illness or death in the family. Come on, there are times, for whatever reason, that you have to respectfully decline.

2.) Drink beer from a CAN!?! How did that slip in there? First, at a truly formal occasion you simply don't suck down the suds. At any other occasion it is more than acceptable, but how hard is it to put it in a glass? Drinking beer from a can in your living room by yourself (or w/ your wife) after a long hard week, sure that's fine, but elsewhere drink from a glass.

3.) There is one point that states simply, "If a gentleman can afford to do so, he should have someone else clean his home." Why? There is a fine line between snobbery and etiquette and this crossed it. If it said if the man and his wife are to busy to keep a house clean, then that would make a lot of practical sense. Otherwise, it's a waste.

4.) The other gives the reader full liberty to not wear socks in many occasions, but says w/o question he must wear a undershirt. Though I live in the North and always wear the two aforementioned articles, I could see why a gentleman from Dixie would not want to wear an undershirt during the summer. Socks are a must, IMHO.

5.) The quib about always bringing condoms was both out of place and inappropriate in my opinion. Such sexual matters are both personal and vary depending on a gentleman's religious background. It didn't belong in this book.

Good day.

an aspiring gentleman's view...
This book has its problems, to be sure, but the truth of the matter is that 85% (at least) of "How To Be A Gentleman : A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy" is usable, practical information. It's written in a bulleted style that allows anyone to read a little or a lot without being caught up in excessive narrative. Before one buys the other books in author John Bridges' series, one should start here.

Practical, Succinct Advice
What it means to be a "gentlemen" is always a matter of opinion. But John Bridges offers us a well-balanced path, addressing most areas of life in a brief 150 page book filled with brief statements, such as, "A gentlemen never tells jokes that may embarass other people, even if those other people are not in the room." The entire book is made up of similar directive sayings (no paragraphs), which is fine with me. It gets the authors points across quickly and clearly.

The chapter titles include, A Gentlemen Experiences Real Life, A Gentlemen Gets Dressed, A Gentlemen Goes to Dinner, A Gentlemen Says the Right Thing, A Gentlemen Gives A Party, A Gentlemen Goes to A Party, A Gentlemen and His Friends, A Gentlemen Goes to the Office, A Gentlmen Gets Equipped, and Extreme Etiquette: A Gentlemen Faces the Really Big Challenges.

I was very satsified with this book and highly recommend it.

A simple book.
A couple of interesting details here and there, a simple reference book for the occasional gentleman.

A child's book
This book was misrepresented by Amazon as a book on how to be a gentleman, yet it simply a book full of short verses, but instead of reading sayings from the Bible saying Thou shall not, it reads as though an irritating Grandmother is scolding a teenager. I broke the book open at random to give two examples of the nonsense, "A gentleman always shares his umbrella" and "In warm weather a gentleman always wears an undershirt". I think most men, at least I did, buy a book like this to get the latest in style, how to handle ackward conversations, how to work a crowd, the proper behavior when attending funerals, weddings, etc.. My copy of this book is going into the trash, because a gentlemen wouldn't insult his friends by giving it to them. ... Read more

Book Description

From what to order and how to order it to what to wear and how to wear it, the essentials of "metrosexual" savoir faire.

The old-fashioned, repressed, un-moisturized man has been banished to the hinterlands and a new breed is taking center stage. He is a man of style, sophistication, and security, just as strong and confident as his predecessor, but far more diverse in his interests, his tastes, and, most importantly, his self-image. He may be seen at an NBA game one night and an art gallery opening the next. Able to navigate any social setting, he is informed, influential, intriguing, and very much in vogue these days. He is the new male ideal: the metrosexual man.

So how can the average Joe keep up with this new version of cool? How should he behave, what shoes should he wear, and what CDs should he have in his collection? Answers to these questions and so many other pressing concerns can be found in The Metrosexual Guide to Style. Filled with entertaining anecdotes, famous quotes, helpful hints, dos and don'ts, recommendations and potential pitfalls, this handy guidebook covers everything from dining out to fashion and personal style, home dŽcor to the Metro-mindset. It is the one-stop shop for the impeccably groomed and savvy modern man.

metrosexual \me-(.)tro - seksh-(e-)wel\ n: 1: twenty-first- century male trendsetter 2: straight, urban man with heightened aesthetic sense. 3: man who spends time and money on appearance and shopping 4: man willing to embrace his feminine side

Do's and Don'ts...
* Pirate shirts, loud patterns, buckles, and zippers are for circus performers and boy bands.
* Pleated pants are history. Slim-fit, straight-leg pants make you look longer and sharper.
* Your clothes should conform to your body. Spend the extra money and have suits tailored.
* Your belt and your shoes should always match, and black on black works best.
* A silver, stainless steel watchband will go with everything. Leather bands should be strong and masculine, and sport watches are for sporting occasions.
* High school or college rings are best kept in the dresser drawer until the reunion is announced.
* A slim billfold or money clip is important, as a bulging wallet will only produce unsightly lumps in all the wrong places. ... Read more

Reviews (23)

Lifestyle for Dummies
Consider this: metrosexuality is really nothing new. Stated in the most simplistic manner, metrosexuality is no more than a polite man who understands how to dress and appreciates the finer things in life. In a nutshell, a metrosexual is what used to be known as a gentleman. The term gentleman may not be politically correct or interesting enough to sell books in a day when the new straight is gay. So to sell this lifestyle book, the author has capitalized on the latest social trend.

In general this is a hip and fun book. I'd recommend it for the young man whose upbringing didn't include, for example, exposure to manners, tipping, wine selection, or dress. In general, this is a 'how to' lifestyle guide for dummies. It isn't a serious guide to style. So, if you are serious there are far better style books or magazines to buy.

My Dogma
It seems as soon as I discovered this new word and that it fit me almost perfectly, that this book came out. As opposed to other views as this being a pop culture book and sales are only high because it is the new "it" thing, I believe it is a book that describes a new form of man. From the suggestions on what books to read to stimulate your mind, to the albums that it suggests to make your music tastes more ecclectic, I believe it is more of a book to inhance your life rather than to define a new social standing. I throughly enjoyed the breif histroy of all of the major art movements, and even found out things I had previously not known. I believe it is a must-have for any man who believes queer-eye has the last word in life, and for any man wishing to catch the eye of a lady.

Cashing in on a buzz-word
For years, people have been writing manuals on male etiquette, and this one is no different. Think of it as no more than a slightly updated version of another etiquette book. On principle, however, buy something else (like "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: The Fab 5's Guide to Looking Better . . .") that isn't veiling 'basic etiquette' with a term that is intended to cash in on a reader's desire to feel cosmopolitan.

It has useful information, but no more than any other etiquette books, and certainly isn't as comprehensive as others (such as the "How to Be a Gentleman" series).

You'd be better off with something else.

I liked it
I grew up lower middle class without a father. I am 25 and have worked hard to become somewhat successful in my practice. I spend atleast ten bucks on lunch everyday. If this book makes you twenty dollars(or better yet gets you laid), due to some confidence you got from this reading, you just got 100% return (or more) on your investment. Take it for what it is...an introduction to style.

Don't need it, don't bother
The contents of this book are so elementary and insubstantial that I can't see how anyone would benefit from reading it. If you are metrosexual already- you'll have picked all of this stuff up quickly- such as what the essential components of a stylish wardrobe are, basic Franch and Italian dining terminology and how to treat a lady on a date. If you're not metrosexual, you will probably roll your eyes as such poncing piffle and won't bother with it anyway. ... Read more

Book Description

The New Male Sexuality addresses the most urgent questions of men today--and of the women who love them.Bernie Zilbergeld reports findings from his twenty years as a psychologist specializing in human sexuality, as well as those other experts in the field, and shares his own and his clients' experiences.the result is the most comprehensive guide ever to enhancing desire and arousal, focusing on pleasure rather than performance, and keeping sex exciting and fulfilling.

Clear, comprehensive, witty, and refreshingly realistic, The New Male Sexuality is destined to be a classic of the nineties and beyond. ... Read more

Reviews (10)

I highly recommend this book to both men & women.
Just when I thought MALE SEXUALITY could not get better, it did! This revised edition is a must have for both men and women who want to both learn more about their sexuality and enhance it. Bernie writes clearly, factually, compassionately, and without judgement. His book informs, gives permission, and is helpful in understanding what happens when things are not the way you'd like, sexually. He provides excersises that support insight, and information that allows growth. This book is a standard, and should be in anyone's library who is at all curious about their own sexuality and their sexual relationship. I recommend this book for both men and women. It promotes conversation and learning between partners, and provides accurate information.

Finally...!
Finally, a book that speaks with reasonableness and straightforwardness to men and women! This book offers suggestions and tools, in an insightful and respectful manner, for women and men to enhance not just their sexual lives but also their relationships with one another. I had lost faith in men's ability to think beyond the mechanics. Thank you for pursuing quality and not just quantity!

New male sexuality? I think not.
The title of this book is misleading. to call it the new male sexuality is quite the statement and one would thinkit encompasses all forms of male sexuality. This is not the case. I totally agree with writing a book concerning straight male sexuality but that should have been a subtitle to the book. The doc chooses to simply ignore bi and gay men as if they didn't exist. This is not the new male sexuality. Male sexuality is much more then five to eight minutes in the missionary position. Straight couples these days are experimenting with new ideas and techniques. The penis is only one component to the overall male sexual make up. there are other areas to be explored as well. If you want the straight nuts and bolts I guess this book will do but if yu are an adventurous male, look elsewhere.

This Is Not The Kind of Help Anyone Needs
If you are looking for a healthy sexual life within the context of a loving relationship, don't look to this book for advice. This is not The New Male Sexuality, it is the same sexist thinking dressing itself up as something more evolved. Dr. Zilbergeld has no problem stereotyping and objectifying women, he is simply telling men not to let it pressure them. This book is not about mutuality. Excerpts(italics mine):
Pg 121- Women like men who understand that women's orgasms are more problematic than men's. (problematic?)
Pg 79- Even though we're not likely to ever have sex with fourteen Playboy bunnies at the same time, or even sequentially, it can feel very good to imagine doing so.
Pg 47- Too much sensitivity can inhibit passion. Allan, a student in love with his partner Marie was always gentle. On vacation he met a seductive teasing woman who managed to get him to bed. Feeling angry toward her he thrusted hard and vigorously. He expected to be criticized for this and was surprised when she said it was terrific. When Alan returned to school, he decided to try this kind of sex with Marie. Her reaction was to ask why hadn't they always made love like this? (Marie was happy he slept with another woman?)
And believe it or not, it gets worse than this. I feel sorry for the misguided people who have listened to his advice.

The Male Sexuality
The best book on male sexuality. Truthful and very informative. Any man needs this book to fully understand their own body and a woman's. Great book for teenagers. Answers many hard to talk about questions. ... Read more

Book Description

Reviews (14)

Read it with a grain of salt...
This book offers an insightful perspective on some of the "male" behaviors that are complexing to many women. In general, the author's assertions ring very true. I will certainly approach my relationships with men differently having read this book. However, the author makes strong suggestions that women avoid certain sexual activities when dating. This goes back to the old adage that a woman is solely responsible for chastity and I think that's archaic and demeaning to women and men. It implies that men have no control over their sexual urges and are not part of the process of deciding when and if they want to become intimate with someone. So, read this book with a grain of salt. It's always beneficial to relationships when you attempt to understand someone and respect their differences. This book gives some pointers on beginning that process.

Enlightening and Informative
I heard the author speak on a radio talk show a few months ago, and his book sounded good. I found it quite informative. Maybe I've missed something in my long marriage, but some of his revelations were new to me. I suspected many of the differences were true but didn't have the supported facts until now.

I particularly enjoyed such topics as intimate separateness, "earn this", the heart vs life journey, "wouldn't have war" remark (pg. 61), the current decades long dominance of the woman's view, and stages of marriage, among many others. One could quibble with the stages, but it is nevertheless food for thought and gives some good insight into most marriages. Don't miss chapter 7 on the male at home.

... Martin Gardner, a science writer of some considerable note and talent, put together something of a quack detection list of 10 or so items. I don't think the term quack has any place here. Gurian does at least give very specific material that one can go to for additional information on sex difference research. This or Gurian's interpretation of it doesn't look like quack information to me. If one can question something about the sex difference argument, it is some educators' views (I think female organiaztion driven) that girl's are equivalent of boys and should be treated as such. There seems to a view that nearly two million years of evolution has not produced brain and other differences between the sexes. That view comes a lot closer to quackery than anything else on this subject.

My biggest beef about the books is about some of the organization. Some of the last few chapters seem out of place, but still useful. I did find myself skimming a few sections of the book, since they really do not apply to me. Rearing children, for example. For some reason, he did not include any index. There are plenty of times when I wanted to refer back to info and an index would have been valuable--also for future reference. One saving point on this is that thankfully Amazon has a facility to search the entire book. There's also an abundance of brain terminology that would be served well in an appendix. I finally resorted to taking notes and found a good web site to get additional info ...

I'd suggest this book be required reading for men and women.

What could he be thinking
This book is not P/C. But even Newsweek says men and women are different so it must be okay to read heretical books like this.

If you are a feminist, or male in denial about what testosterone does to your brain when in utero, you will not enjoy the time reading this book. As a husband I am now at peace with myself on many issues, including why I can't ever load the dishwasher correctly.

As a father I am now far more able to parent my teenage sons because I realize how we are the same. Further, as a result of my confidence from this book, and insights from "Every Mans Battle' (stoker and arterburn) I am intervening and helping shape my teeneage sons lives on on issues of sexuality, pornography and other behaviour traps that face them daily.

As a husband I have better understanding of my wifes view of work, the home, and what she values in a elationship. There are countless communication and value styles, and day to day, head to head issues in our relationship where this book has helped me. This proves you are never too old, or too married to learn.

This book is chock full of "aha's" as you realize why things work the way they do, either in a male to female or female to male manner. Here are a few of mine. Why I seem to go blank, look for a quick summary or resolution, or am unable to concentrate and get frustrated when discussing complex relationship topics after 30-45 minutes (women have more parts of their brains dedicated to speech and cache information more quickly). Why my wife can remember staggering deatils about the times she's been hurt or happy (its not because I'm stupid its because of how womens memory is structured).

If you are a guy and thinking about reading this, buy it and quit wasting time.

If you are a women in a "relationship" buy it for your man and tell him it is only one of three books you'll ever ask him to read, even if you have to use sex to get it read. You already know the chances are slim he'll never buy a book like this (self help books are like directions - you don't buy them and you don't ask for them).

What could Gurian be thinking?
What could Gurian be thinking? The back cover begins with a list of cultural stereotypes about men, beginning with "Why do men have to control the TV remote and channel-surf?" Some men do, and some women do, but many men don't. Throughout the book Gurian uses contemporary psychobabble to justify and reinforce all the men-negative stereotypes that a female dominated culture has promoted over the past 50 years. Despite the title he continually digresses to talking about women and women's brains frequently throughout the book. Occasionally Gurian approaches toward some real insight about men, but each time quickly backs away into a morass of jargon and the same old stuff in a new wrapper. He describes himself as a "bridge" man, which he defines as a man who thinks much like a woman. If you're a woman wanting to have your stereotypes reinforced, this is the book for you. If you're a man wanting to learn more about men, or a woman who really wants to know what a man might be thinking, you may think twice.

doctors criticizing doctors...
I am not a doctor, but I did stay in a holiday inn express last night, so I guess that qualifies me to be an expert on EVERYTHING - just like all doctors are...right. But seriously, here is the two cents of a major league skeptic who thinks this book has a lot of value.

I think it is fine to be skeptical about some of this science, as the doctor from San Jose points out, but it doesn't logically follow that just because the science isn't perfect that the ideas in this book are wrong (which seems to be the implication). In fact, I would say that empirical evidence tends to support the author's ideas, and that the idea that men and women think totally differently is not a particularly wild one. Focusing only on the science misses the point, and I couldn't disagree more with the statement, "If you want a healthy relationship you don't need to read a book to learn how." EVERYONE struggles with relationships, and if reading books or talking to friends or, god forbid, even talking to a shrink doctor, helps you, then that is great and you should go for it. Books can provide perspective, advice and understanding, and, in this particular case they can shed light on behaviours, and it is easier to tolerate a behavior if you understand why.

Now I agree with the good doctor's opinion that it is easy to use "that's just the way I am" as an excuse for bad behavior, but the differences in memory, emotional tendencies and other things discussed in this book are not all behaviors, but in many cases really are "just the way we are." I would go further to argue that communication styles are also "just the way we are," because even if they are learned behaviors, they are totally ingrained by adulthood, so you have to learn to translate what people say from their way of thinking to yours in order to respond properly and have a meaningful dialog.

And this does filter into such everyday things as channel flipping and a host of other things that women don't understand about men. I think it filters into everything. My wife is finally understanding that when it takes me 10 or 20 seconds to process what she says when I am watching something interesting on TV, it is not because I am purposely ignoring her or am not interested in what she has to say. It's just that I can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and it takes a bit to change gears.

On a final note, the doctor closes by saying nobody changes and that you need to find someone rational, good and loving. OK, I believe that to be true, but in my limited experience, on the rationality front, women have the same capacity for rationality as men, but they are 100 times more likely to throw it by the wayside if it conflicts with their emotions. Most women I know don't make personal decisions after a rational thought process weighing all the factors. But because I know and accept that, it doesn't bother me that my wife is so irrational sometimes, and I don't try to solve all her problems with reason, like I try to do for myself. I do try to separate out the emotional issues from the logical ones sometimes, but most of the time she just needs someone to stand by her, listen, care and suppport her. My best advice to men is that to learn how to do that, and to women, is to learn how to forgive and understand us when we don't, because this isn't our natural tendency. ... Read more

Book Description

Bolstered by national television exposure on Oprah and a cover story in the New York Times Magazine, the "down low"-a term used to refer to "straight" men who have sex with men-was thrust into the open in 2004. Keith Boykin, a former Clinton White House aide, goes beyond the hype with the first responsible, eye-opening look at the down low sensation. Unlike all previous accounts on the topic, Beyond the Down Low presents the DL not merely as a problem of gay and bisexual men living in the shadows, but more as an example of America's unwillingness to engage in critical but uncomfortable conversations about black sexuality. Boykin details how society has helped to create an environment where black gay and bisexual men feel compelled to lead double lives. Meanwhile, the dialogue that has taken place in the black community encourages an unhealthy battle of the sexes, ignores the complexity of the closet, demonizes bisexuality, disempowers women, and misdirects public resources and attention. This book is a timely and well researched answer to the question, "Why are so many black men on the DL?" More importantly, it is an essential tool to pry open the closet door in black America. ... Read more

Amazon.com

Preeminent child psychologist, Michael Thompson is renowned for hisefforts to educate and assist parents with sons. First with Raising Cain (his response toMary Pipher's RevivingOphelia ) and now with Speaking of Boys, Thompson encouragesparents to help their sons develop the emotional intelligence necessary tosucceed. The book seeks to answer parents' questions concerning the complexitiesof raising a boy in today's society. Every chapter introduces questions fromparents on issues like puberty, underage drinking, and increased violence inschools, and in every instance the author responds with insightful andknowledgeable advice. Chapters entitled "Speaking of Social Anger andAggression" and "Feelings and Communication--Is Our Sensitive Boy a Sitting Duckfor Bullies?" are particularly in tune with the apprehension parents feel whensending their sensitive sons off for another grueling day at school.

The key to raising a healthy son, says Thompson, is to help your boy attain anemotional intelligence that will allow him to cope with difficult andthreatening situations. To accomplish this, parents need to nurture compassionin their sons and try to avoid allowing them to become desensitized by theteasing and pressure of others. Respecting your son's need to appear strong attimes and offering him a sense of safety when discussing emotionally revealingsubjects are two ways Thompson encourages parents to nurture their son'semotional development. As anyone who is raising a boy knows, it's a job that isnever quite finished, and with this book, Thompson offers parents an invaluabletool, regardless of their son's age. --Dal Asher ... Read more

Reviews (5)

as the Mom of 4 little boys...
I found this book to be very well written and interesting! I was hoping more questions would be about little boys, as we have a 7, 6, 4 and 19 month old. It covers a wide variety of topics, concerns and situations at all ages. I especially agreed with the sections and comment regarding teens and their "issues". The author seems to have a 'don't make too big a deal of anything' attitude. I liked that! Most of the teen stuff will blow over and the photos of your son with blue hair can be used as blackmail later!

A Rich Source of Information
By one of the authors of "Raising Cain", this book in the format of a series of questions and answers organized around central themes.

As such, it can serve as both a reference work to specific areas or a can be read as a single work.

The book deals with a wide range of issues in a candid, non-judgemental way.

And, perhaps, like Spock's or Leach's works about infants, it will serve to help orient adults in doing their best with their sons or the sons of others.

I was reminded what it was like to be 12 and confused.
I buy more books than I find time to read them. Occasionally I come across a book that grabs my attention, hooks me in, and refuses to let me put it down. Such is the case in regard to "Speaking of Boys". I was spending time in the book section of a local Target store while my ll and 12 year-old boys were checking out toys and video games. The book's cover photo grabbed my attention. Flipping through the book and its questions, I found the presentation attractive, bought it, and began reading it during subway rides to and from work. I came to understand a lot of issues that I never fully comprehended as a twelve year old. I was surprised by some of the "facts" of teenage boys, such as how they view sex, why they feel a need to fight authority while needing hugs, when "wet dreams" begin and how to explain the phenomenon, etc. I have highly recommended the book to many. It's easy to digest, accessible to just about anyone, and oftentimes explains difficult issues with a touch of humor. Check it out!

Answers Questions We (Especially Dads) Should Be Asking!
This is a wonderfully engaging book. I usually struggle through the initial chapters (only) of the traditional "expert advice on child rearing" books which my wife is always plowing through. Thankfully, I had no such problem here. In fact, for once I was excitedly reading portions of the book to her. This book deals with everything from war toys to pre-teen sex to parents just letting go, with many stops along the way. Highly recommended for those who want answers to everyday boy problems, especially before we make them into bigger teenager problems. I even put down my novels and biographies for this one! It will make you laugh ... and cry.

This book really does answer your questions about boys
Speaking of Boys is delightful to read, by turns funny, poignant, insightful, and informative. Michael Thompson clearly understands boys, but even more importantly, he understands the worries and concerns that parents and educators and therapists have about boys. If you enjoyed Raising Cain, as I did, you will like this book even more, because it is written in such an engaging style. I found myself starting by flipping around to the questions I specifically wanted to know about, and then just decided to read the whole thing, since all the answers were so fun and informative and at times, moving. If you haven't read Michael Thompson's other book on boys, then I'd suggest starting with this one, and moving on to raising Cain if you want more background and theory and in-depth clinical cases. ... Read more

Book Description

Despite popular belief, American boys tag behind girls in reading and writing ability, and they are less likely to go to college. Our young men are greatly at risk, yet the best-known studies and experts insist that it's girls who are in need of our attention. The highly publicized "girl crisis" has led to many changes in American schools, politics, and parenting...but at what cost?

In this provocative book, Christina Hoff Sommers argues that our society has continued to overemphasize the troubles of girls while our boys suffer from the same self-esteem and academic problems. Boys need help, but not the sort of help they've been getting. ... Read more

Reviews (102)

Just Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale
Are young girls at risk in American schools? Are girls getting short-changed and left out in the field of academia? Do teachers favor boys and view them as more intelligent than they do the opposite sex?

Author Christina Hoff- Sommers wrote this book, "The War Against Boys" as a warning to all Americans about the plight of boys at the hands of unruly feminists. Feminist leaders are constantly trying to convince the world that girls get the short end of the stick when it comes to academic opportunities and that the educational system in the U.S. is biased in favor of men. They also feel that violence is inherent in all men and that the only solution is to get men in touch with their feminine side, to expel the threat of violence.

Sommers, and most other professionals, know that these claims and solutions are complete hogwash. As she points out in her book, it is actually boys, not girls, who fare more poorly in school. It is boys, not girls, who are in need of additional guidance. You would never know this by listening to the outcries from feminist leaders who still want you to believe that girls are not getting a fair deal in the world of education.

Sommers did a pretty good job in writing this book, but I wish she had made an extra effort to propose possible solutions to the problem. Political leaders usually avoid the issue of boys and the possibility of spending public funds to help them because they fear being attacked by feminists and labeled as being sexist. So, without the help of political leaders, who can we count on to find a remedy to the problem that boys face in America's schools? Feminists try to say that the solution is to make boys more like girls by encouraging them to play with dolls, wear girl's clothing, etc. We all know this is crazy and so does Sommers. But she doesn't offer any concrete solutions to the problem in her book.

Sommers spends a lot of time countering the absurd views of feminist Carol Gilligan, a woman with a distinct political and social agenda. Gilligan wants to eliminate the desire among boys to be competitive, and part of her reasons for this include a political belief that we should abandon capitalism as our economic system in the United States and embrace a more socialistic/Marxist system. Her reason for targeting young boys is simple: get them while their young, when they are the most impressionable and the easiest to influence.

I don't feel that this threat from feminists is as strong as the author does. But it's nice that she took the time to write this book, exposing some of the wild and wacky proposals from feminists to re-engineer young boys and make them more like girls. Sommers has a lot of courage, and she has undoubtedly added some more names to her professional enemies list by writing this book. She does a good service to everyone in exposing these outrageous feminist agendas.

Lie Revealed; Reality is ... Boys need our attention!
As a social worker that works with at-risk teens (98% of them are boys), I have found Sommers reporting to be accurate and concurs with issues I find each day I come into contact with a male teen. It is egregious to think that a well-respected feminist such as Carol Gilligan has used her status to write unfounded, unsubstantiated facts about the lives of boys and girls. According to Sommers, Gilligan has failed to use empirical data in her writing; has refused to publish her findings; and, continues to write more and more about what and who boys are and need without a shred of evidence from well documented studies. The facts revealed in this book will undoubtedly anger many people who have put their trust in Gilligan. More to the point, Sommers has revealed the reality that boys do need our attention. Many teachers, from my perspective, fail to recognize the power they have in their role as teachers and the influence they have on the lives of boys, in general. Sommers is correct to state we need to begin to have REAL equality in education (which has been sorely missing) and begin to teach and treat boys and girls as people who have individual and collective goals, who express and experience life sometimes the same, but often in different ways. We need to appreciate the special natures of both boys and girls, and allow them to develop in a way that is true to themselves. Some will refute Sommers for her lack of self-studies on the issue, but she has certainly given substantial food for thought from those who have done studies that support her thesis while failing to support the purported findings of Gilligan and others. It does seem a simple solution that Sommers would suggest that boys just need moral guidance and discipline to help them navigate their lives; it's nothing new, but it does speak to the fact that we've thrown out the baby with the bath water when it comes to certain things that have worked in the lives of boys. I was disappointed, however, to note that Sommers didn't come to realize that boys need to learn interpesonal and intrapersonal nurturing skills, as well. Sommers would do well to do an expose of the reality that the lack of good father role models in the lives of boys has had a greater degree of damaging impact on their son's (and daughter's)lives. Revolving substitute boy friends as fathers in the lives of so many boys hasn't been working; men (fathers) need to work on their interpersonal and intrapersonal nurturing, communication, and problem solving skills that they might "stay" in the lives of their children where the greater "fatherly love" can affect the lives of their sons (and daughters). Thank Christian Hoff Sommers for a great book, it speaks with a thunderous roar!

Sommers perpetuates inequalities in her trumped-up "war"
Sommers might feel a tad differently if by chance she was 'socially constructed' as a non-caucasian non-well-to-do little lady. She has every reason to attempt to reconstitute past inequalities, as her well-being depends upon perpetuating inequalities.

Her research has been easily disproven (and thus dismissed) by leading feminists and sociologists--those who do good work of attempting to redress inequalities, rather than attempting through numbers-jockeying to perpetuate them. Sommers is a backlash babe; she's paranoid that contemporary feminists' work might take away the priviledge she and her kind (waspy fems and the men and boys they love) enjoy daily.

Let's worry about our young men going to war--at least the young men of color as well as hired (at discounted cost) mercenaries from poor countries...while little white boys are protected and coddled and princed-up, are prepared to inherit the throne of capital.

Given current data which shows the gap between rich and poor is wider than ever, even accelerated, due to the out-of-control spending habits of the carte-blanche granted to--you guessed it (!) white men in control (who once were white boys), high capitalism is speeding into its demise. Meanwhile, earning disparities between men and women are quite unchanged. And we think worrying about lil' boys is worth our while?

Little miss conservative boy-o-phile Sommers works not for equality, but actively conspires against it so as to protect her lilly-ness, as well as high-capitalism which overfeeds her already bloated bank account, and ensure the have-nots will not only continue to have-not, but have-not while feeling guilty for taking so very much from whitey.

In my alternate universe, Sommers spends a year as a humanitarian worker in the South Bronx to actually begin to understand disparity. Her work is cruel, as it perpetuates grotesque myths of disparity. Poor white boys!

Time well spent? Read Barbara Ehrenreich, read bell hooks, read Jonathan Kozol.

This book is not making these things up
This book is not making these things up. Major educator textbooks are teaching teachers that they should make boys more feminine and that too much masculinity is not only a bad thing but dangerous! "Of special concern are adolescent boys who adopt a strong masculine role," Educational Psychology, Santrock (isbn 0072855878) They literally advocate androgyny as the most desireable state of being. This is just one book, and should not be singled out, it is simply representative of the problem. I refer to that book to show that the professional reviewers who say this work is just alarmist are sticking their head in the sand.

Sommers is reporting the actual state of the art in education. If you have school age children, are a teacher rebelling against the system, or are just concerned about the future, you should carry this book as a source of information to fight the ivory towers. Because they will cite a tautological litany of researchers with straw men criticism. The Sommers book can be an intellectual shield against this form of what I find to be child abuse.

compelling,disturbing and frightening
Its sad how boys and young men have been shortchanged because of feminist hate.These misandrists have continued to perpetuate the misconception that boys have been favored over girls in the educational system,when in fact its the reverse.Boys are also frequently labeled "disturbed" or "unteachable" and they are often removed from class or segregated and given a modified curriculum befitting their "inferior" learning capability.I didnt want to believe this was happening,but I`ve witnessed it first hand.My colleague and I installed hidden video cameras in several local and private schools and later reviewed them.We were dismayed to say the least.It is appalling that in this day and age we cant achieve equity for all instead of "punishing" the entire male gender.This "war" against boys is not only immoral and unethical,it is in many cases illegal and its also just downright stupid. ... Read more

Book Description

The Emotionally Unavailable Man is two books in one — one side is for the emotionally unavailable man and the other is for his partner. It details why men become emotionally unavailable and specifies the actions that can be taken by both men and women torealize improvement.MEN, do you ever feel like a little boy in a grown-up body? Like you have no personal power? Flip to the men’s side of this book and let expert psychotherapist Patti Henry help you

• Get your "power"
• Stop avoiding difficult situations
• Calm your partner’s anger
• Learn how to say "No"
• Set and maintain appropriate boundaries
• Be more effective at work
• Increase and enhance the sex in your relationship
• Feel personal freedom and happiness

WOMEN, do you want your husband to be emotionally available to you? Flip to the women’s side of this book and let expert marriage counselorPatti Henry help you

• Determine if your partner is capable of being emotionally available
• Decide what you can — and cannot — do to help
• Discover how to lose your anger
• Exercise mutuality and safety
• Learn how to recognize and confront your own resistances
• Restore hope about long-term change
• Gain clarity about your future ... Read more

Book Description

The husband of The Bitch in the House responds with a collection of original pieces by male writers about what men desire, need, love, and loathe in their relationships today ...

Cathi Hanauer's bestselling The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth about Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage spurred a national conversation about the level of friction in contemporary marriages and relationships. Now her husband, Daniel Jones, has rallied the men for the "literary equivalent of The Full Monty," in which twenty-seven thoughtful, passionate, and often hilarious men lay it bare when it comes to their wives and girlfriends, their hopes and fears. Enough with pop psychiatrists telling us why men lie, cheat, and want nothing more than to laze around the house in front of the TV. Enough with women wondering aloud -- at increasing volume -- why the men in their lives behave the way they do. The time has come for men to speak for themselves.

Many of the husbands and fathers in these pages contemplate aspects of their personal lives they've never before revealed in print -- they kick open the door on their marriages and sex lives, their fathering and domestic conflicts, their most intimate relationships and situations. Yet unlike the average meat-and-potatoes father who still rules the roost, these men are grappling with new ideas of manhood -- some that they are going after and grabbing, and others that are being thrust upon them by a changing world.

Powerful, heartfelt, and irreverent, The Bastard on the Couch is a bold, unprecedented glimpse into the dark corners and glaring truths of modern relationships that is guaranteed to amuse, entertain, enrich, and provoke.

Reviews (7)

These guys rock.
I'm sorry for the woman below who prefers cats (I wasn't even going to write a review until I read that!)...I'll take these guys any day! They're funny, sad, infuriating, evasive, charming, smart, smart, smart, and honest--they're even honest about being dishonest!!

This book is like a primer for life with men--although not polite goody two shoes men, and who wants them anyway. These are a range of men in all their glory and warts. I read the bitch in the house, which, by the way, infuriated people all over the planet. And this is a rocking sequel...just what I was hoping for, and just as in your face. The main thing is, you can't really put it down. Some of the stories are better than others, but they're all compelling. Love these guys or hate them...they've got stories to tell, and they tell them incredibly well.

I dont care anymore I have two cats
If you werent a lesbian before you read this book you will strongly consider converting after reading it.
basically, men are guys , they arent men , they are guys. guys are not worth shaving your legs for. reality is a bitter pill best not taken.
Women buy books like this and hope the truth will be something better then it is, yet the truth makes you prefer cats.

"Why Men Lie and ALways Will " Hooked me!`
This isn't my usual type of book but when I read the blurb on the back cover about why men lie and aways will, I just had to sit down and read it. The facts are familiar so I won't review how this collection came into being. I will say that the authors are uniformly excellent writers, each with a distinctive voice that makes reading these bland, exciting, informative, funny, pitiful, infuriating essays worth my time. Vince Passaro, author of the essay which hooked me, sounds just like what he is, a writer for Esquire and GQ. HIs essay, as well as those by Hank Pine [My Marriage, My Affairs - His Story], Trey Ellis [Father of the Year], Robert Skates [The Hole in the Window: A View of Divorce], and Toure [An Invitation to Carnal Russian Roulette] all kept me turning pages until I had consumed the entire volume. And consume it I did, in one sitting, with a tall cold glass of something brown and sparkling, and no shoes anywhere nearby.
What didn't I like? Well, the writers are all clearly educated, from a certain mental socio-economic class which does slant these essays in a particular direction. The writing is so glittering, a kind of polish that even editing can't provide to the struggling writer. So the perspectives are tinged with wealth, education, culture, exposure, ability - money. Which is fine, but it leaves out the other male perspectives, like guys who ae as poor as hell. Although Toure describes himself as poor in his essay, he is only poor financially. I would have enjoyed reading essays by some different kinds of men. Or perhaps that is the lesson of this book, that men are men with the same issues regardless of income or social class. Cow patties!
Not bad, and certainly light enough reading for a summer afternoon.

A few stories resonate, many don't
The men in this book range from happily married to unhappily divorced. They talk about trying to be a "modern male," trying to share everything 50/50, trying to face their situation in a variety of roles. There is the man who has been homemaker/stay-at-home dad for the last two decades while his wife works. There is the man complaining about his wife not wanting to have sex (and seemingly performing it as just another household chore when she does). There are several tales of psycho ex-girlfriends, and quite a bit of boasting (if you read between the lines) by the authors about sowing wild oats in their younger years.

Some stories really resonate, but even though there is some griping about wives or ex-wives or ex-girlfriends, this isn't a female-bashing book, and it is rather orthodox in its feminist assumptions; some authors deride the "Sensitive New Age Guy" and some clearly want to get on a big Harley and go sow some more wild oats, but no one comes out and challenges modern "progressive" married life.

Which is why I found it disappointing, despite a few amusing and even poignant gems. The tone, like the authors, is fairly homogeneous. Almost all of them are writers living in or around Manhattan, most of them are married to women who are NYC magazine writers, editors, or publishers. So unless you fall into that demographic (white, middle-to-upper class white-collar professional with a liberal arts background), most of these stories aren't about your life. The few exceptions (like the essay by a prison inmate) do not stand out because they barely fit in (the prison inmate's essay barely even mentioned women and said nothing about relationships... I was left wondering why it was included in this book). Likewise, there are a few African-American authors, but they're also Manhattan magazine writers married to other writers.

Contrary to the revelations and deep insights promised in the introduction, these men really don't voice anything profound, they don't say things that "men just don't talk about." They say pretty much what every self-indulgent lifestyle writer will talk about. The book felt like a collection of magazine articles the editor asked all his writer buddies to send him, and then he collected them into a book instead of publishing them in a magazine.

Hit home for me
Was given this book by 'the woman in my life,' who'd already read it the second it came out (I had to hear her commentary every night as she read it in bed) and thought I'd read an essay or two, but then I found I plowed through the whole thing in a few days. And I admit I enjoyed it, but the funny thing is how much I've thought about it afterward. Some essays, like the one "Why Men Lie (and always will)" and "My Problem with her Anger" I think of EVERY DAY! And also, sorry dear, "The Lock Box," about the hubby who never gets much because his wife is always either at work or, when at home and actually in bed, chooses reading above all else (sound familiar, anyone?).

So now that my wife has won me over with this one, she's going to try to get me to read her dog-eared, bedside copy of The Bitch in the House. We'll see. I just might! ... Read more

Book Description

This best-selling reader on men and masculinity, edited by two of the most prominent researchers on men, contains the most current articles on masculinity available. Organized around themes that define masculinity, this reader takes the position that men (as well as women) are "gendered" and that this gendering process is a central experience for men. The authors explore how working class men, men of color, gay men, older men, and younger men construct different versions of masculinity. One reviewer says, "This reader does a remarkable job of showing the interconnectedness of race, class, and gender ... It also makes clear that any discussion of `men's lives' of necessity involves an understanding of the social roles of both men and women, and of gender inequality." For anyone interested in gender studies, sociology, or men's studies. ... Read more

Reviews (2)

hmm
Kimmel and Messner are acomplished researchers, yet I find no reason for the "cute" little additions such as average male size charts and sarcastic quizes revolving around the "gay or straight" issues.We are saturated with sexuality in our day and age, we don't need it from our scholars as well.

An engaging and diverse anthology of forefront scholarship.
The fourth edition of Kimmel and Messner's Men's Lives is an engaging anthology accessing the forefront of scholarship about diverse men and masculinities.Going beyond earlier texts and collections, Men's Lives now reflects the development of greater theoretical sophistication and coherence in a field once often represented as anecdote and generalization.It is not simply "good men's studies," it is good gender studies.An instructor's resource manual is available and provides relevant summaries, experiential learning exercises, and examination questions, plus key terms, films, and internet resources. ... Read more

Book Description

The first full report from the team that discovered the patterns of adult development, this breakthrough study ranks in significance with the original works of Kinsey and Erikson, exploring and explaining the specific periods of personal development through which all human begins must pass--and which together form a common pattern underlying all human lives.
"A pioneering and radical theory of adult development."
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
... Read more

Reviews (5)

Dated Material
This book reads like a bad psych textbook from the 60's & 70's; because thats basically what it is. There are some masculine universal truths but you really have to search for them. The case studies & occupations are dated & irrelivent to baby boomers in the 21st century and not very helpful IMHO. Still there are a few pearls and saving graces but you really have to work hard to read this one.

A Life Saver
When I was looking for books along this line, I saw the review titled "This book provides insights that could save your life" and thought that this book might be the one to read. It was. This book can be a life-saver, literally. It certainly made a huge impact for me.

The book may be a bit too much for a person to read unless they like psychology. No, it is not hard reading, it just may be too much material unless you were looking for specific advice. Although you may be tempted to jump to your immediately applicable section, I would suggest reading chapter 2 (on men's different eras) before doing that.

The author has a friendly, mature, informed approach. It is analytical, yet comforting. Certainly a book to recommend for men in your life that are going through changes.

Great book
Great book, great read for everyone. Author discusses the primary phases of adulthood in great detail, and very thought provoking way. Book discusses the life cycle as several distinct phases that we all go through one way or another. Having going through a transition myself, reading "Seasons" is an eye opener. If anything the more you know about your own transition, the better you can deal with it. Also, the phases help in understanding others too. Season's work will no doubt last for many generations to come.

Life Correcting
You can't ask much more from a book than that it changes your life.

Or more correctly, it helps you change your life. I first read this book during my last transition ten years ago, and I'm reading it again for this one. It made all the difference last time, and I'm dipping into the same well a decade later.

Levinson reasoned that while Piaget and Freud had well documented the stages of development of infants and children and adolescents, it mostly stopped at 20. It's as if that's it--you're all grown up now!

He thought perhaps there were changes, phases and stages of adult life akin to those of children. When he researched this with a large number of American males he was surprised to find just how consistent they are.

You can almost set your watch--oops! 25 years old! Time to find a mentor! Ooops 55 years old! Time to be a mentor!

The major transitions he identified at the decade turnovers. They seem to be times of significant discomfort, questioning, reassessment, and redirection in a man's life. They are followed by a period of consolidation and stability--until the next transition ten years later. While the transitions are different for each person and the results are different for each person, each of us in our way goes through them. The "mid-life crisis" he calls the "mid-life transition", since it's only a crisis if you don't get through it well.

This is not a particularly easy read (Gail Sheehey's "Passages" is easier), but if you, or someone you know is trying to figure out "what next?" try this book.

Hey, it worked for me.

This book provides insights that could save your life
Reading about the "seasons of a mans life" has been a complete and life-changing revelation. No one ever teaches us about adult development, mid-life crisis, coping with transition. They are often joked about but seldom discussed. Reaching mid-life proved to be no joke for me and being unprepared led to a personal crisis. This book played a major part in helping me understand the changes I was going through and provided clear insights that I believe I would not have found elsewhere. Clearly written; the book addresses every stage of adulthood with convincing theories about the emotional and psychological changes which we all have to cope with. ... Read more

Book Description

In The Last American Man, acclaimed journalist and fiction writer Elizabeth Gilbert offers a fresh cultural examination of contemporary American male identity and the uniquely American desire to return to the wilderness.

Gilbert explores what pushed men to settle the frontier West in the nineteenth century and delves into the history of American utopian communities. But her primary focus is on the fascinating true story of Eustace Conway, who left his comfortable suburban home at the age of seventeen to move into the Appalachian Mountains, where for the last twenty years he has lived off the land.

Conway's romantic character challenges all our assumptions about what it means to be a man today; he is a symbol of much that we feel our men should be, but rarely are. From his example, Gilbert delivers an intriguing exploration into the meaning of American manhood and-from the point of view of a woman-refracts masculine American identity in all its conflicting elements. Like Jon Krakauer's national bestseller Into the Wild, this book will find an enthusiastic audience among women, readers of American history, and those interested in nature and the wild. ... Read more

Reviews (62)

You have to read this!
I first read of Eustace Conway in the newspaper. I went to visit his Turtle Island Preserve in Boone, NC. I bought The Last American man and went to the author book signing at Malaprop's in Asheville and met Eustace for the second time.
I have read this book twice and think Gilbert has done an amazing job. The writing is sharp and witty and sensitive. I read pages aloud to my family on a recent vacation (the mule story) and they roared with laughter vowing to read the book.
Anyone interested in Thoreau or John Muir or Everett Ruess...if you care about the planet, living simply, really following your heart--You MUST read this wonderful book. It is so inspiring because it is true. Eustace Conway is a great example to humanity for his courage to live with integrity but Gilbert also shows his human failings and mirrors everyone's challenges in wishing to find true love. Read it and let it motivate you to live more fully.

Read, read, read this book!
I can't say enough good things about this book. (& yes, I accidentally put my review in for the audio cd!) A fascinating and complex subject handled with the perfect amount of admiration, objective analysis and humor. Eustace Conway's fervent attempt to lead Americans back to nature by setting an example - even if he tends to be so busy promoting that lifestyle that he doesn't always get to live it! - makes for a compelling read. I respect and admire not only his passion for what he believes in, as well as allowing so much of his character - good and difficult - to be made accessible to Elizabeth Gilbert. You might not be moved to go live out in the woods ala Conway, but this book will make you stop, think and evaluate your life. (Now if only he could sort out that whole girl thang...!!!)

Just a side comment on someone else's review: Narcissistic, ok, but I definitely didn't get that he self-medicated with alcohol. As a matter of fact, Elizabeth says he should loosen up a bit more. And yes, he had his Dad lend him the money to buy the land before it was too late, but nearly killed himself working to pay it back in record time.

As for Ms. Gilbert, I was so impressed that, midway through reading this, I purchased her novel "Stern Men" and look forward to reading her future work. I also hope she writes the follow-up in 20, 30 years or so! I could go on and on but I'll shut up and say, thank you Elizabeth, thank you Eustace for a gripping, inspiring story so well written.

A modern-day Daniel Boone. . .
This is one of those books that stir up strong opinions and heated controversy. Eustace Conway, the back-to-nature mountain man of the title, is someone you can see as a living American myth or a nut case. The author's portrait of him, full of ironies right from the title onward, lends itself to either point of view. And depending on how the book is read, you can see either admiration or skepticism in what she says about Conway.

Or you can see subject and author in all of these ways which, as I understand the book, is what the author intends. Eustace Conway is full of contradictions. He's both immensely appealing and stridently off-putting. A rigorous thinker, naturalist, and walking whole-earth-catalog, he is still a babe in the woods in knowing how to negotiate just about any kind of relationship with another human being - including the many, many young women he attracts. By the author's account, few men so lucky in bed have been so unlucky in love.

For every amateur psychologist the author provides more than enough back-story to puzzle over Conway's behavior. There's a tyrant father who heaps withering scorn on his son, starting at the age of two. And there's his great-outdoors-loving mother, who rescues him from his father by encouraging his unsupervised forays into the woods. By the time he is out of high school, he's already living in a teepee, beading his own moccasins, killing game for food, skinning animals, and hiking the entire Appalachian Trail wearing nothing more than two bandanas, weather permitting.

Meanwhile, his epic journeys on foot and on horseback and his pioneering in the North Carolina backcountry are mythic Americana. While our first reaction to all this may be admiration, Gilbert writes in a wisecracking tone that heightens the ironies and more than once made me laugh out loud. And she reminds us that if there's anyone to fault, it's not Conway but the gullibly romantic Americans who believe literally in their own national mythology and heroes. Looking back to Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett, for instance, she reveals that they were in fact no different. Like Conway, they were supporters of the myths and legends that grew up around them and good old-fashioned American entrepreneurs and self-promoters.

Anyway, there's much to enjoy in this book. And it's full of surprises - right up to the last pages, as Gilbert tells a poignant story of how Conway touched the life of a troubled teenager who spent a week with him in the woods building a fence. And the author's closing image captures the spirit of the entire book - Conway getting out of his truck and shouting, "I love you!" at a buck deer that refuses to move off the road. The image is moving, ridiculous, or both; take your pick.

Broken
Read within these pages the effects of extreme mental and emotional abuse upon a child and the way it plays out as an adult. Eustace is a broken human. His unfortunate treatment at the hands of his father seriously crippled him. People who have suffered like Eustace are often over-achieving, perfectionists; unable to maintain relations with others; either oblivious to the needs of others or slavishly catering to the whims of others and they almost always come to closley resemble the abuser.

Big Eustace was a denizen of the office and the classroom- liked to write out long equations and ramble on to hear the sound of his own voice, so little Eustace subcociously chose a path 180 degrees away from father and becomes a creature of the forest but ended up rambling in his classroom just the same, just a different subject.
To me this was an eminently sad tale of a boy going to any length for father's notice and approval. Neither of which came at least by the conclusion of this book.
Eutace-walk away.

awful
It's too bad that Eustace Conway's story had to be told by Elizabeth Gilbert. She's totally immature as a writer, and she doesn't know how to maintain any sort of distance from her subject. Last American Man reads like you'd expect it would, coming from a city gal who has a little romp in the woods with an outdoorsman. She is completely clueless. She retells Eustace's stories without skepticism. She quotes liberally from the work of Richard Slotkin, a hip scholar -- perhaps to bring some heft to this otherwise lightweight work. I travelled to Boone, N.C., shortly after the book came out and talked to folks who knew Eustace, had him in a class, etc. They thought the book was a laughable piece of trash, too -- a not-very-accurate picture of the man, and certainly not an accurate picture of that corner of Appalachia. Don't waste your time. (I notice that most of the reviewers here focus more on whether they like Eustace as a person, and not whether the book is any good. Which it's not.) ... Read more

Book Description

In this deeply learned book, poet and translator Robert Bly offers nothing less than a new vision of what it is to be a man.

Bly's vision is based on his ongoing work with men and reflections on his own life. He addresses the devastating effects of remote fathers and mourns the disappearance of male initiation rites in our culture. Finding rich meaning in ancient stories and legends, Bly uses the Grimm fairy tale "Iron John," in which the narrator, or "Wild Man," guides a young man through eight stages of male growth, to remind us of archetypes long forgotten-images of vigorous masculinity, both protective and emotionally centered. Simultaneously poetic and down-to-earth, combining the grandeur of myth with the practical and often painful lessons of our own histories, Iron John is a rare work that will continue to guide and inspire men-and women-for years to come. ... Read more

Reviews (56)

A ground breaking work for the masculine psyche
Ten years ago when I was first told about Iron John, I remember buying the book, scanning a few pages only to put it on the book shelf. I just didn't get it. Nearly 2 years later I picked it up and began reading. Now I couldn't put it down. I suppose my time had come and now everything Bly described was deeply felt.

I suspect some young readers-both male and female won't truly understand the gravity of what Robert Bly is saying. But as is the mark of a truly great work, the reader can go back again and again, gleaning a little more understanding with each reading.

Robert Bly has a firm grasp of Jungian psychology and uses metaphor throughout the book as large brush strokes on a blank canvas. I will go as far to say this is a "must read" for all men over 35. A "should read" for anyone wanting to better understand the male psyche, the events leading to the appearance of what Bly calls the "50s male" and the following retreat into the "soft male" of the 70s and 80s.
The alternitive the author describes can be then a man who has centered himself between these two polar opposites, needing not to act out old macho stereotypes nor carry the wounds of the feminine psyche. I suspect this is a man who has found his own way and a man that women can trust as well.

Wanna be a man? Knock out a tooth!
A lot of reviews have already been written about this book. Why add another? Well, right now, I'm reading this book for the third time in two years and that has not happened to me with any other book I've read. Even when you feel, as I did, that Bly's style of writing is at times so suggestive that you start wondering if he can fully understand and grasp the meaning of everything he is writing about himself, and even if you agree that the quoted poetry is a bit out of touch with the rest of the text, this book is a real mind-grabber.

Everytime I read it, I am bewitched by its strong images, its powerful, hypnotic rhythm and the beautiful horizon that lies ahead. The book is not very long, but it takes me several weeks to get through it. But that is because as soon as I find myself reading to 'get it over with', I close the book (and my eyes) and put it aside for a while. This "man's stuff" is hard work and you should take your time for it. Take a bath in the book and come out completely refreshed. As I come to think of it, Bly's occasional haziness probably is what makes this book so truly hypnotizing. And if you want to break the spell and get a 'how to' sequel to this book, you can always pick up the beautiful 'King, Warrior, Magician, Lover' by Moore and Gilette. They will put your feet on the ground again - at least until the next time you pick up 'Iron John', that is.

And thus, for contributing this book to a field where valid generalizations are hard to make and, consequently, "facts about men" that every man could agree on are rare, and for writing it even though every sentence could cause all-out war between the sexes (or between Christians, schoolteachers, the Society for the Promotion of Harmless Books and the Military, for that matter), this book -and its author- really deserve each of the five stars.

Lyrical and resonant....
I'd thought from the opening pages that this was going to be another trite and superficial book - after all, what would a poet, however existential, know about the holes of the soul. But soon after, the book became fascinating, even difficult to put down. There's certainly a strong strand of personal experience and prisms that color the narrative, but having said that it doesn't take anything away.
Definitely a book that can safely be called lyrical. A simple yet powerful writing style makes for a book that plays with your imagination.

Beautiful but Blind
The poet Robert Bly published what is still the Men's Movement's central text in 1990. It's abstract and discursive, but one can discern a lot of real feeling in Bly's pleas for warm fathering and meaningful male rites of passage.

Essentially, Bly uses a Grimm's fairy tale called "Iron John" and extrapolates from it sentence by sentence. The book was a bestseller, but the Men's Movement it spawned sputtered out in only a few years, resurfacing in Christian form by the mid-1990s as Promise Keepers and then fading almost entirely.

Unlike second wave feminism, whose radical ambitions brought about change we're still reeling from 40 years later, the Men's Movement was hampered and compromised by a time of Anglo-American political centrism. "Iron John" was not the radical text it needed to be to launch a sustained and meaningful social movement.

One would not need to read deep in between the lines of the Iron John fairy tale to see it as a man-boy romance, but Bly's beautiful observations seem blind to this subtext. First of all, wilderness is a very erotic symbol in Grimms' stories as in the wolfishly sexual "Little Red Riding Hood." The kidnapping of a boy by a man is a charged event when it's reported on the six o'clock news. We expect to hear the word "sodomized" in the next sentence.

But in Bly's Disneyworld universe the man-boy romance of the "Iron John" story remains utterly chaste. Even back in 1960 the literary critic Leslie Fiedler complained about the Puritan American tendency to expurgate homosex from its male love stories (such as "Huckleberry Finn," "Moby Dick," "Of Mice and Men," and "On the Road").

Rather than a radical break from this tradition, Bly writes firmly within it. He doesn't see the wild man's outcast status as a hint at pederasty. His doesn't see the wild man's causing the boy to view his young body parts as golden as the result of admiring or even desiring glances. Even when the lovers run off to the privacy of the wilderness' dark heart, Bly suspects nothing untoward.

The Wild Man lavishes his chosen boy with gifts, a commonplace generosity in Greek and samurai pederasty. In fact, many cultures all over the world have linked male rites of passage to man/boy erotic bonds. Police were raiding Michael Jackson's woodsy Neverland compound in the early 1990s as Bly was promoting "Iron John." By the year 2001, stories of priestly pedophilia would be splashed all over the media; some of these tales involved adult mentors taking adolescent boys to wilderness locations for bonding which included sex.

Through it all, Bly never mentioned the parallels to the story he analyzed in "Iron John."

Bly's "father hunger" parallels that of Christ, who imagined a Father in the sky to ease his heartache over failing to find a father here on earth. These are beautiful fantasies. As a poet myself, I love them.

But a radical Men's Movement that actually takes off and matters wouldn't dodge the fact that it's up against a powerful taboo called homophobia.

Better than I thought
I remember reading an article about Robert Bly sometime around 1990, in which he was described as "looking like someone's grandmother," and then which proceeded to mock him as someone who took wackos and had them beat drums and howl at the moon. I figured he was getting a bum rap--but then, what can you expect from the media? Recently I picked up this book, and for all the poetic vagueness--hey, he's a poet, okay?--it was better than I thought it would be. Essentially, once you get past all the overwriting, Bly does have two good points--some fathers are too distant, or not there at all, and there are no male initiation rites, which most
cultures provided at about age 12. Unfortunately, he writes an entire book about one fairy tale--the "Iron John" of the title. There's also a bit too much self-pity and victimization. But besides that, it's a good book, one that I would certainly recommend. Just read it with a critical eye. ... Read more

Book Description

Fantasies men are reluctant to share with even their most intimate sexual partners.

Never before has there been a book that so frankly depicts sexual fantasies from the mate's point of view. In His Secret Life, Bob Berkowitz, the former host of CNBC's call-in sex talk show Real Personal, surveyed men across the nation who revealed more than seventy uncensored sexual secrets, fantasies, and innermost desires without apology or reservation. Each one provides encouragement and reassurance to men -- and unique insight for women as to what really makes men tick!

Shocking, fun, and illuminating all at once, His Secret Life finally tears down the "testosterone curtain." It's guaranteed to have tongues wagging and temperatures rising as it challenges misconceptions about men and sexuality that have survived for generations. ... Read more

Reviews (7)

Worth borrowing from the library, but not worth buying
This book, while nothing new, seemed to me to be a half-hearted nancy friday clone. Save your money and buy "Men In Love"

What a Bunch of Drivel
Not worth the trees killed to publish it. Save your money.

where NO book has EVER gone before
The first thing that impressed me about this book was the honesty,bravery, and frankness of these men.their fantasies were explained in full detail, I was quite interested in each of the men's responses. I didn't really read the male-male type fantasies, because I am not interested in those. I was hoping that the men would use the names of the women they fantasized about, but berkowitz decided to keep the names anonymous,which I wouldn't have done. While reading the fantasies I found each of them interesting and very vivid, these men are very brave to have gone public and allowed mr.berkowitz into their most private place:their minds. I wished he would have contacted me before he wrote this book, I would have offered him one of my fantasies to complete his already impressive collection.this book is a 5 star winner, thanks Mr.Berkowitz!

Nothing new in here...my mother could have written this book
I am always on the lookout for new material to enhance my sex life, and this book looked like it would hold new and previously unknown secrets. Unfortunately, there is nothing new or even remotely secret revealed here; the text consists mostly of the same boring vanilla fantasies most women already know that men have, like the classic menage a trois or sex with a stranger--big deal! No new ground is broken here, I am sad to say. The author ought to take some pointers from Nancy Friday and dig a lot deeper before touting these frat-style encounter tales as "secrets".

Men's deepest darkest secrets revealed!
Read "His Secret Life: Male Sexual Fantasies" and you will never again wonder what is going on behind men's closed mouths. This book is enlightening. It's revealing. Explicit. Daring. Provocative. Shocking. And sizzling hot!! At the same time, it is illuminating and informative. The men in this book open their hearts and break their silence by expressing their innermost sexual thoughts. Age-old myths, double-standards, stereotypes and taboos are eradicated by their candor and courage. This exploration of male sexuality gives women a rare opportunity to learn more about the men in their lives. Male readers will be surprised and comforted when they discover their own secret erotic fantasies are not so unique as they may have believed. The author looks for the day when men(and women)feel free to discuss and examine their own sexuality without hesitation and fear of rejection or ridicule. The end result: more fulfilling lives. En route to that destination, readers will discover a new perspective on male sexuality as the author relates in detail real fantasies about menage a trois, sex in public, anonymous sex, older women, sex in public, masturbation, cyber sex and more. As you begin this journey, be sure to fasten your seat belt ... Read more

Book Description

Depression is a secret pain at the core of many men's lives, and one that goes largely undiagnosed and untreated. The consequences of not treating male depression are extremely serious.Studies show that suicide is more common in men than women, and tha the male suicide rate is three times higher at midlife than at any other life stage. In Unmasking Male Depression, Dr. Archibald Hart explores the many forms of depression and gives tools for coping with and healing depression in men. Hart also examines the lives of Christian leaders who struggled with depression, such as Charles Spurgeon, Martin Luther, and John Calvin, to reveal the myths surrounding this illness ... Read more

Reviews (9)

Much needed
I purchased this book (along with a few others on the subject) initially because I was interested in the topic.
Not a medical person or psychiatrist of any sort, I just thought it was something that I would enjoy looking into. For those that know how the subconscious works, you'll appreciate the fact that I discovered that I was a victim of PTSD while delving into the subject.

It was as if the universe was trying to tell me something. All I can say is that it opened my eyes and changed my life in ways I never knew possible.

For those interested in fiction dealing with a topic along these lines (and also Dissociative Identity Disorder) I would recommend reading a book called "Bark of the Dogwood" by Jackson McCrae. It's an intricate study of PTSD, child abuse, dysfunction, and a little of everything else, and packs quite a wallop. And it's actually quite funny in places--probably the ONLY book I know of about child abuse that has a bright side.

beware non-christians!
I returned this book, a first for me with Amazon. I would have given the book 0 stars but that is not an option in the ratings program. The data base for this 'research' is christian males. This is not a book that most of us can relate to. The book doesn't unmask anything except christian males are depressed. The book information needs to say up front that it is all about people who center their lives around the church. If you've got a fish on the back of your car-buy this book, if you don't, don't it won't help you.

DEPRESSED MANIAC FINALLY UNDERSTANDS
THIS BOOK IS GREAT!! IT BRINGS UNDERSTANDING DEPRESSION TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL. GREAT FOR MEN AND WIVES TO READ. EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT SURE IF YOUR DEPRESSED, READ IT AND YOU WILL KNOW. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE!!

straight talk on male depression
straight talk on male depression
i became a little wary when the author indicated more than once his christian beliefs and even though i was raised catholic, i would have rather had the book tend to the needs of any type of male rather than a catholic male---or at least the recovery process is structured for a catholic male
the last two chapters are worh the price of the book

Perfect Explanation
I was amazed at how informative this book was. I suspected my husband of being depressed, but I wasn't sure. After reading this, I was certain and was able to make a case for my husband so he would get help; he had almost every symptom listed. I may even get him to an anti-deppresant, which he adamtely refuses to even discuss. After just 3 weeks of counseling I can see a difference. He still snaps at me and verbally takes his frustrations out on me, but he now recognizes this and apologizes. Also, I'm not reacting to it and let it slide off my back, now that I know it's not directed at me. I recomend this book to anyone who has a husband who's personality has changed for the worse. ... Read more

Book Description

What is the most baffling period in our lives? Not childhood, not old age, but the decades of our forties and fifties, the period now generously known as middle age. It's both an occasion for regret and an opportunity for coming to terms, the moment when we come up against our limits and discover -- for better and worse -- who we are.

My Life in the Middle Ages is a portrait of what that unnerving experience is like. A collection of unified essays about the pleasures and pathos that attend the threshold of old age, it charts an original course between reportage and confession. Drawn from the author's own life, from the testimony of parents, children, teachers, and friends, from the books he's read and the life that he chose -- and that chose him -- My Life in the Middle Ages is a comic, poignant memoir that's both personal and generational.

Whether he is struggling with God (or trying to find out if he believes in one), celebrating the books he's loved and regretting those he'll never read, or leafing through the snapshots in his family album and marveling at the passage of time, James Atlas is always alert to the surprises of everyday life. He parses the fine points of success and failure among New York's "lower upper-middle class" (several of the chapters began as essays in The New Yorker) and expresses the largest themes: "I tried to remind myself that death was a part of life. I was here, then I wouldn't be here."

Atlas writes movingly about watching his parents age and his father die. In a wry and soul-searching piece, he recounts his perplexing quest for spiritual meaning after a secular lifetime, a quest that takes him to a private synagogue and a Buddhist meditation center. On the tennis court, he ruefully capitulates to his teenage son's blossoming athletic prowess, recalling a similar passing of the torch with his own father forty years earlier.

At once pensive and funny, lighthearted and profound, My Life in the Middle Ages is a tale of survival, but also a meditation on how it feels to flourish -- how to live.

Reviews (3)

A THOUGHTFUL READING BY THE AUTHOR

Age isn't any barrier to finding enjoyment and information in listening to "My Life In The Middle Ages" as read by the author.Former editor for the New York Times Book Review, Atlas has an impressive resume', which includes founding Atlas Books and writing for The New Yorker and The Atlantic.

If you're still enjoying your salad days, Atlas will share a few secrets with you that the years may bring.Those in mid life will find much with which to identify in the experiences the author has remembered in his own life and in the lives ofothers.

Give a listen as Atlas evaluates himself at this point in time.He is honest about his accomplishments and sometimes poignantly candid about his disappointments - what he has not done and what he now knows he will never do.Has he done as he might have wished as a young man, as a husband, a father?

The death of Atlas'sfather had an enormous impact upon him, perhaps a glimpse of what the future held.Whatever the case, "My Life In The Middle Ages" is a compilation of what some have gleaned from their life journeys - well worth hearing.

- Gail Cooke

hard to teach an old dog new tricks
This book is a very quick read and although it has some truly touching moments such as Atlas' description of the death of his father, I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't further along on the evolutionary scale.Hard to find out the meaning of life when he paying up the wazoo for expensive private schools for his kids, shuffling credit card dept, and keeping up with the Jones.

I found myself shaking my head towards the end of it..like seeing yet another Woody Allen film- thinking ...what a putz!

a really" good read"
yes, a terrifically "good read,",and not out of stories of crime, espionage, mystery, perversion, violence, etc, but the comedies, tragedies, challengesof everyday life..keenly observed and beautifully written... ... Read more

Book Description

What do you wish you had asked your dad?

What did you feel the first time you cradled me in your arms?

What was your proudest day as a dad?

A little book that asks big questions: some serious, some playful, some risky."I had ample opportunity to ask Dad these questions when he was alive.But it seemed that a million reasons not to do so could always be found.It was a waste of everything Dad had ever seen, done, and thought about not to hear his answers, and I regret not finding out more about him when I had the chance."This book was borne of that regret and has one underlying objective: to develop a blueprint for discovery so that children of any age can start to build a clearer, deeper picture of the man behind the word Dad.

"So this is for my dad.And for all dads, past, present, and future.And for their sons and daughters.And for the simple pleasure of talking to each other."--Vincent Staniforth ... Read more

Reviews (6)

Reminder of what's important
The questions in this book allow the reader to muse on their own relationships with their parents and others close to them, and hopefully to realise how important it is to make time to communicate within families. Buy it to read, think and keep it visible on your bookshelf as a reminder of what is important and that there is always time to talk to those close to you, however busy you think you are.

A dark ride
At first glance I thought this was just another "quick-fix" book offering [bad] platitudes about the quest to reveal the mythical father-figure.

I started to leaf through it and three days later I'm still excited and troubled by what "Questions" has revealed to me.

The questions are, quite simply, stunning in their originality and form. There's stuff here I wouldn't have thought of asking in a million years.

And then there's the narrative that is sprinkled throughout the text; a dark and troubled trans-America motorcycle trip during which the author has an eerie insight into the importance that his father has played in his life. Too late, of course. Staniforth returns to England just in time to watch his Dad die, and so begins the internal intellectual voyage of discovery about his father.

Read it, use it, buy it for a father or a child. This book can save families.

Questions for My father: finding the man behind your dad
A wonderful book to learn more about your father and yourself.
It's also a fantastic conversation maker. Don't miss out on
this jewel of a book.

Carthartic Self Discovery
Great book for learning about yourself and passing along your feelings, foibles and future wishes to your children. Works well for those that had a great relationship with their own father and want to continue the tradition; works even better for those who weren't close to their own father and want to make the most out of that special relationship with their own children.

Flying High
I found this book in a store in Seattle. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, I just picked it up and flicked through the pages and before I knew it I couldn't put it back down as my eyes began to cloud up with tears. I had a special relationship with my father, but never really, really knew him. The questions in this book seem to allow me to touch his memory with a much deeper insight than ever before. A wonderful, pleasant, and lovely book to read. It brought back special memories. ... Read more

Reviews (30)

Elevate your life style
Bernhard Roetzel's "Gentleman" is one of two definitive works on classic style for men. The other book is Flusser's "Dressing the Man." While Flusser's work is primarily concerned with developing a classic style for business dress, Roetzel's "Gentleman" is about creating a classic, elegant life style. Following Mr. Retzel's philosophy, style is not something we do for others. The pursuit of style is for one's own personal satisfaction. Therefore, Mr. Roetzel focuses on an understated, conservative elegance, with an acknowledgment of the importance of details, even if no one else notices. Roetzel's book focuses on mens fashion, with a bias toward tailored English clothing, but he goes beyond business clothing, to address casual, sport, and home style. In addition to the obligatory chapters on suits, shoes, and casual dress, there are sections on grooming and fragrance, hairstyles, wristwatches, and how to enjoy an elegant, relaxing breakfast at home. This book is a treatise on gracious living, and he introduces his readers to many of the small luxuries which no one should miss out on: the experience of a traditional shave from a good English barber; a pair of shell cordovan shoes; a bespoke suit; a comfortable and beautiful dressing robe. His philosophy is best exemplified by the section on eating breakfast, where he exhorts one to begin the day with a leisurely elegant ritual including "perfectly toasted bread." Personally, I barely ever eat breakfast, but the call to slow down and take the time to enjoy life's small pleasures resounds loudly none the less.
The book is not perfect, and Mr. Roetzel has some rather quaint and outdated ideas (such as the kind of clothes worn by students at Ivy League universities.) Overall, however, the book is an excellent roadmap for those who wish to live a cut above the norm in this too-fast, hyper-casual, overly-efficient, mass-produced, machine-made, often-shoddy world.

The Guide for Elevating your Style
Alan Flusser's "Dressing the Man" is about developing a classic business style of dress. Roetzel's "Gentleman" is about developing a classic life style. This book covers all aspects of one's appearance, and addresses grooming, hairstyles, formal dress, business dress, and sport. Although it has an English bias, it does a good job of incorporating classic American style and products such as Brooks Brothers shirts and Alden shoes.
More than just a book on how to dress, however, this book provides an introduction to some of the finer things in life that might otherwise go untried: The experience of a traditional shave at a good English barbor; the satisfaction of a bespoke suit, the beauty of a pair of shell cordovan shoes; Acqua di Parma; a James Smith umbrella. There is a section on "Breakfast with Style" which neatly encapsulates the author's philosophy that true style is not an act which you put on for others, it is an understated, elegant way of living which is undertaken for one's own satisfaction. It extends beyond clothing and appearance into all aspects of one's life.
The book is not perfect, and Mr. Roetzel has some rather quaint views on certain subjects. (For example, he has a somewhat antiquated and idealized view regarding how students at Ivy League schools dress.) It is not the best "how-to" book on selecting a classic business wardrobe (choose Dressing the Man for that purpose.) But as a book for those who wish to elevate their life style, Gentleman has no equal. For those who are looking for a roadmap to take them beyond the mass-production, slovenly, hyper-casual, impolite, and haphazard style which is becoming increasingly the norm, look no further than this book.

One of Two Definitive Books on Men¿s Style
As a web developer, I have recently had a run of men's custom tailoring customers. I found myself looking for an encyclopedic source of styling details and fashion fundamentals.

This book by Bernhard Roetzel's provided many of the answers. It is a trove of the tried and trusted classics of men's clothing. In one volume one can find advice on combining familiar patterns, materials, fabrics and colors. Unlike the other book I consulted - Dressing the Man by Alan Flusser - breaks down the details and elements of Italian, English and American styling.

To be sure, there are topics I could have done without - underwear, jewelry, umbrellas, walking canes, tobacco and pajamas, to name a few. However, if you are looking for detailed information about men's style, this is one of two books to consult.

A Must for a real Gentlemen !!!
This book will tell you where to find the best in suits, shirts and shoes and will save you years of experimentation which will eventually lead you to the same conclusions as the author. Even if you are not interested in paying $3500 for your next suit or $3000 for a pair of hand made shoes from John Lobb's of London this book is worth every cent you pay for it. It is well prepared and holds a wealth of interesting information.

Gentleman's Guide: To Grooming and Style
First, I bought a book by the title above and thought it was great. I tried to find a copy to buy a friend only to find no one sold it anymore. A few weeks later I found the book has been reprinted under this new name. So if anyone else is like me and looking for the guide to grooming and style, this is the same book only in hard cover.

Second, this book is worth having. ... Read more